Co-sleepers - please come and tell me how your evenings go, because mine are a bit tricky...

[bohemianbint]

DS2 is nearly 6m and we have co-slept from day one (slight aside - am amazed at how many mums that I meet, who when I say I co-sleep they guiltily admit they do the same, I mean literally nearly everyone I speak to!)

Anyway, evenings here involve me lying in bed and feeding DS to sleep between 6-7pm. If, like tonight, I stay in bed, keep things fairly dark and quiet, he'll stay asleepish until around 7am. Tonight it's not a problem as I'm in on my own and am just chilling out watching property crap on channel 4.

Social life is virtually non-existent at the mmo so it's not a massive hardship, but some nights if I want to be downstairs getting things done, or (heaven forbid) I want to actually go out, DS will wake up after about 20 mins alone and without someone next to him will cheerfully stay awake for about 3 hours.

I worry he doesn't get enough sleep, as I try not to let him get more than 3 hours max in the day so that he'll sleep at night IYSWIM, but it doesn't seem to be working. In a nutshell, if I don't go to bed with him and stay there, he doesn't sleep, and he won't snooze downstairs in case he misses anything.

How do you get round this, or is it not an issue?

Also, if you co-sleep but put your child to sleep in your bed whilst you're downstairs, how does this work when they can crawl? It's all a learning curve for me as DS1 was incredibly fractious and only settled once he fell into a Gina-esque sleep routine. Talk about chalk and cheese...

It all depends whether your definition of a problem is the same as your HV's.

That is a good point, RS.

I think on the whole, why is it a problem if he goes to sleep feeling secure and knowing we're there for him? PLenty of time to wean him off later.

But then (being a Libran, and especially after a bad night like last night) I think...hmmm...or is it going to be a living hell?

ikwym about bad nights, but i think whatever sleep camp you're in you'd get the occasional bad night? i think i'd still rather risk living hell later on once she has a bit more understanding of things, she seems far too little to me atm.

not sure if that made sense, meant that i sometimes have the same worries as you bb, but that i would rather meet her needs now and worry about it later. so many people seem to get into these epic battles with their baby in fear of future bad habits, when perhaps they would change by themselves given a bit of time.

someone gave me good advice - not to worry about something until it's a problem. if she's still up at 11pm when she's 3, i'll rethink! but sleep training at 2 or 3 seems kinder, not to mention that it could be a joint effort with DP!

We had this problem with DS (waking up every 40 min until we came to bed) for ages. We only started cosleeping when he was 9 months and he kept waking often till 18 months, then it slowed down. He's 2.5 now and only usually disturbs me once a night (usually asking to go play with his trains). This evening waking is the biggest problem with cosleeping, imo, and the main reason why I want to get 3 month old dd out of my bed before she gets much older (but I'm so lazy, I can't see it happening). Cosleeping does have lots of problems, you might well end up with a toddler with sleep problems - you just have to decide whether you are prepared to accept the disadvantages in order to avoid the hassles and horrors of sleep training or trying to settle in a cot.

Have to say that I disagree with babyphat about sleep training a toddler - I think it would be way worse than a baby (not that I could do either). A two year old is much louder, much angrier and you would probably have to lock them in their room which would be horrible.

ooh good point

Ah bugger, how depressing.

I actually find it easier to deal with my toddler having a barny than my baby, in terms of them crying tbh. I find if I explain things to my toddler and he still chooses to have a strop it's not as bad as the thought of a baby that you can't reason with and explain to him why he is upset or why you are doing whatever is upsetting him, IYSWIM.

Ah well, just have to keep going and see how it goes. As it is he doesn't really cry and I think he would if we suddenly shipped him out. THink I would too.

yeah, that's what i was thinking about toddlers, that you could explain to them what was going on, it seems fairer. but wasn't meaning anything esp hardcore, just turfing them out of the big bed eventually - vaguely thinking buying big girl bed, duvet etc once old enough to enjoy...

more of the books i've read suggests they might be less likely to have sleep problems, but i guess as the other poster said, it depends how you define 'a problem'.