Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Original poster

Co-sleepers - please come and tell me how your evenings go, because mine are a bit tricky...

33 replies

bohemianbint · 11/02/2009 21:09

DS2 is nearly 6m and we have co-slept from day one (slight aside - am amazed at how many mums that I meet, who when I say I co-sleep they guiltily admit they do the same, I mean literally nearly everyone I speak to!)

Anyway, evenings here involve me lying in bed and feeding DS to sleep between 6-7pm. If, like tonight, I stay in bed, keep things fairly dark and quiet, he'll stay asleepish until around 7am. Tonight it's not a problem as I'm in on my own and am just chilling out watching property crap on channel 4.

Social life is virtually non-existent at the mmo so it's not a massive hardship, but some nights if I want to be downstairs getting things done, or (heaven forbid) I want to actually go out, DS will wake up after about 20 mins alone and without someone next to him will cheerfully stay awake for about 3 hours.

I worry he doesn't get enough sleep, as I try not to let him get more than 3 hours max in the day so that he'll sleep at night IYSWIM, but it doesn't seem to be working. In a nutshell, if I don't go to bed with him and stay there, he doesn't sleep, and he won't snooze downstairs in case he misses anything.

How do you get round this, or is it not an issue?

Also, if you co-sleep but put your child to sleep in your bed whilst you're downstairs, how does this work when they can crawl? It's all a learning curve for me as DS1 was incredibly fractious and only settled once he fell into a Gina-esque sleep routine. Talk about chalk and cheese...

OP posts:
poshsinglemum · 11/02/2009 21:14

you could put him in a cot with baby monitor on then bring him into bed when you go. i have this situation going on atm. i too want my evening back.

Original poster
bohemianbint · 11/02/2009 21:18

just to say, he can't crawl yet, but it won't be long I imagine.

I bought a baby monitor the other week in the hope we could start putting him down at 7pm on his own upstairs. (Never needed monitors with his older brother!) I think 40 mins on his own has been the record. He seems to stir and check am still there and he also wants to feed every hour or so. I dunno what to do, it makes me question myself, but then I suppose it might have been even worse had we done it differently? He certainly never cries and is so happy and giggly, i suppose it's swings and roundabouts...

OP posts:
Racingsnake · 11/02/2009 21:23

Would love to jknow the answer to this.

Poledra · 11/02/2009 21:29

Still co-sleeping with DD3 (almost 7 months). Until the beginning of the year, she stayed downstairs with us till I went to bed (but would sleep whilst I/DH watched crappy telly). In January, started putting her into her cot (in our room) at 8pm. It's sort of working - some nights I'm up and down like a tart's knickers, settling and resettling her. Other nights she's OK till about 11pm, which is fine as I should really be in bed then. One memorable night recently, she was fine till 5.30am .

I would not leave her in our bed on her own, although I know it is a rite of passage for your baby to fall off your bed (both DDs 1 and 2 have done it).

LadyArden · 11/02/2009 21:33

I've co-slept with DS (almost two) from the word go, but tbh, I can't remember how we dealt with all the different stages. He's always woken up and cried when he realised he was on his own, but I generally just give him a bottle and cuddle him back to sleep again. For a while, he would just sit up in bed crying and now he opens the door and comes onto the landing. It can be annoying if you need to be somewhere else, but I wouldn't swap him falling to sleep happy and secure for anything.

Original poster
bohemianbint · 12/02/2009 11:37

It's really frustrating that at lunchtime yesterday he slept for 2 and a half hours in the car seat - I actually had to wake him up!But at night, he doesn't seem to go into the same settled sleep. Ah well...

OP posts:
babyphat · 13/02/2009 17:58

i know what you mean - i can't be arsed with the constant back and forth/spending my evening in a darkened room so i just don't bother putting my lo to bed until we go - before then she either plays or sleeps on me or dp. relieved to see i'm not the only one! if he's cheerful and awake rather than up but cranky he's prob getting enough sleep either way?

Original poster
bohemianbint · 13/02/2009 19:54

Have conceded - going to see Metallica in a few weeks, checked with the venue today, DS2 can and will have to come with. Will be taking him in the sling, just have to hope it's not too loud for him! (Will be getting ear defenders!)

OP posts:
babyphat · 13/02/2009 20:06

rock on!

CherryChoc · 13/02/2009 20:25

bohemianbint, that sounds great I saw Metallica at Wembley 2 years ago and it was amazing.

Erm in answer to the OP, we have got a sidecar arrangement going on - so if I need to put DS to bed before we go up, I put him in there. He is not crawling yet though. Mostly we take him up to bed when we go and I just let him nap as often as he needs/wants during the day. Today he hasn't been awake for more than an hour at a time as he has a horrible cold, poor thing. He has always been a good sleeper though.

Original poster
bohemianbint · 13/02/2009 20:27

see, we spent a shedload on a co-sleeper, and after all that, I reckon he's spent no more than 2 hours in it in 6 months. I suppose it stops him from falling out the bed though, that's gotta be worth £200.

OP posts:
CherryChoc · 13/02/2009 20:35

Ah, we modified a cot we were given - they make great storage for nappies and blankets though don't they? Ours didn't get used for 3 months, until DP insisted on it (and cleared it out himself)! I definitely use it now DS is 4 months as he shuffles and I wouldn't want him to shuffle himself silently under a pillow or something if I wasn't there.

babyphat · 13/02/2009 21:25

same here bohemianbint, £200 on a bedside cot but she prefers our bed...apparently they enjoy it more when they are bigger and want more wriggle room though...

JacksmamasLittleBundleOfLOve · 13/02/2009 22:20

Isn't it funny, sounds like most co-sleepers are the same! Our evenings have been a bit chaotic too.
How are you feeling BB? How is your chest infection?
xxx

Wonderstuff · 13/02/2009 22:32

We have a bedside cot (£100 on ebay), and for day naps and when I wasn't there could put the side up. I did get lazy and stop putting the side up, she did fall off the bed a couple of times but generally would just cry when she woke up and stay put. Now she's 14mo I was worried that she would climb out because obviously the cot is quite high, so we have the side to the wall to prevent her falling from hight (hopefully)
I have stopped feeding her to sleep and this helped her sleep longer. I have recently started telling her boobies are asleep and she cried quite abit for 3 nights and now will sleep from 8 until around 4/5am at which point I feed her.
Enjoy Metallica

FrannyandZooey · 13/02/2009 22:34

i just swaddle ds2 then feed to sleep on my lap - he dozes down here with us (mostly attached to nipple) till i go up

Racingsnake · 14/02/2009 20:08

DD is 2 and still won't sleep if I am not there. She seems to sense instantly if I try to edge away, even when in the deepest sleep. DH cannot stand to hear her cry, so either I have to go to bed at 8pm or she sleeps with me and I carry her up to bed later. Is 2 a record for this?

kalo12 · 14/02/2009 20:12

12 mth old very active crawler, i have my mattress on the floor but he doesn't crawl out, just wakes up and cries for me, sat in bed.

don't take him to mettallica it will be much too loud

Original poster
bohemianbint · 15/02/2009 09:12

Does anyone else ever wonder if, (and it's totally contradictory) your being there also sort of disturbs them? I found last night, at one point DS was latching on for a second, coming off, back on, off again, driving me totally mental and in the end I got fed up and turned over so I had my back to him. He thrashed for a minute or so and then settled into a really deep sleep for a couple of hours.

So, I need to be there, but sometimes I need to back off, apparently?

And does anyone else find they seem to be feeding every hour or so through the night? Or am I just in growth spurt territory/have a very hungry baby?

OP posts:
Lindenlass · 15/02/2009 09:36

We just go with the flow. If he's awake and happy then he's getting enough sleep - let him stay up in the evenings if he's happy.

Don't forget babies and toddlers (and children!) change so quickly, this won't be what happens for ever, or even for very long.

Some babies and toddlers just randomly fall asleep in the evenings. He's only 6m - mine couldn't be reliably left alone to sleep knowing they'll stay asleep until they were much older.

Also, just to say the recommendations are not to leave a baby sleeping in an adult bed without an adult in there too.

Re. waking up and crawling out of bed - just make sure it's safe ie. if he falls out he won't hurt himself badly. Keep the door shut or a stairgate at the top so he can't get to the top of the stairs and fall down.

nappyaddict · 15/02/2009 09:42

BB how about putting him up there for naps in the day aswell so he gets used to sleeping alone? Do you feed him to sleep? If so what about feeding him until he is just drowsy? That way he learns to self settle off to sleep.

Poledra · 15/02/2009 09:49

I have no idea at what times DD3 feeds, as I am so short-sighted that I cannot see the clock at night . However, at the same age, she seemed to be feeding every hour or two through the night. Things hae improved over the last 4-5 weeks and she's only waking 2-3 times (except the night she was mouth-breathing due to a cold and we went back to every hour!).

My mum thinks you can disturb them when you're in with them. Certainly, with DD2, she actually slept better when we moved her into her own room (at 7 months). It was almost like DH coming to bed (which he rarely does before 12.30am) was waking her a little then she would snuffle and snort for a while before she started crying. By which time DH would be asleep. And I would have to get up to her. Can you tell I'm a little bitter about this? Anyway, can't do this with DD3 as DH hasn't redecorated the room for her yet [bitter emoticon here too]. I have also done te turning-your-back-on-them thing, and it seems to work well. Also do the pushing-over-to-DH so he looks after them and they don;t look for milk from him.

babyphat · 15/02/2009 18:28

I think that the research says that co-sleeping babies do sleep less deeply - but that lighter sleep and frequent feeding is more natural and a protective mechanism against SIDS. Not that that's the reason I co-sleep, I just like it. But knowing that does make me feel better when people think she should be in her own room

Original poster
bohemianbint · 15/02/2009 20:28

this is what gets me - he will sleep upstairs on his own in the day, or downstairs, or in the car, or wherever, and will even self settle in the day. But won't do it at night! Mind you, am so neurotic about him sleeping on is own (for reasons you say, babyphat) that I don't mind too much.

Ah well, I suppose it generally isn't broke, so doesn't need fixing, on the whole. It's just now and again it's a bit of a pain. Although I think I posted a while back about a HV who told me I was setting up a toddler with sleep problems by doing what we do...

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 15/02/2009 20:34

BB - I think he probably sleeps upstairs on his own cos he's used to it. You say most nights you stay with him so he is used to you being there at night. I think in order to crack this there will be a lot of going up and down the stairs at first but he is obviously capable of self settling you just need to get him used to you not being there at night time.

Swipe left for the next trending thread