controlled crying?

[calcium]

My dd is now 10 months and wakes several times a night (has always done) but now screams and will not go back to sleep. She gets up sometimes 5am but usually 6am for the day.

Going to bed is fine but she doesn't stay asleep. She is also still in our room which I would like to stop.

I am told that I should try controlled crying but am so tired all the time (I also work) I just don't think I'm up to it. The room we are going to put her in is one and a half floors down so it will mean me running up and downstairs in the night which I want to avoid if possible.

I have my mother in law staying and thought this would be a good time to try to move her as I will have moral support.

Have any of you tried it and if so did it work and for how long did you have to do it for?

I really need to do this but seem to keep finding excuses to put it off, please help!!

Yes I hold my hands up to having done it (aaah - how wise I was before DD "oooh - I could never let my child just cry and cry..."

Ahem

Anyhoo - it worked a charm for us, and was NOT quite as awful a thing as we expected... OK, it was but bedtime was sorted within three days.

We had established the bedtime routine. Then it was a firm "Bedtime Now, nighty night, see you in the morning" queue that I was leaving and closing the door. Then crying. I went up every five minutes on the first night. Spent NO MORE than 1 mintue settling and then again "Bedtime now...etc". We had 25 minutes of crying. Next night, we decided it was 10 mintues wait. After 7 mintues, I couldn't bear it any longer and started climbing the stairs. Wuddayaknow... just as I reached the top of the stairs, she quietened down, and went to sleep. Third night, had about 10 minutes of grizzling (as opposed to outright screaming!), then off like a light.

BUT this was at 3 months, and I was still expecting one wake in the night. When I gave up breastfeeding at around 6 months, I couldn't cope with the idea of middle of the night bottles, and realised when she woke, I was nursing back to sleep, because it was easy. I also speak for a friend of mine who after 7 months decided she couldn't cope with the wake in the night any longer. For both of us the experience was slightly more traumatic. Much longer bouts of crying, and more like three or four days to crack it, but sticking to the 5 mins first night, then 10, 15 minutes thereafter (or 5, 7, 10, if you can't bear the 5 minute jumps). Again, VERY important to stick to the deal. 1 minute of settling and not more (perhaps offering plain water JIC of thirst). Then leave the room "bedtime now". We both experienced about 45 minutes on night one, and then half that day two, and then only a bit of grizzling from then on.

They key thing is to be resolute. If you make a plan you have to stick to it. Go bury your head under the pillow, or read a magazine outside. Don't just listen to the crying, because it will drive you mad and you may cave in!!!

It's hard, but it rarely more than a few days to sort it. Sorry for going on, there are many against CC, but I for one found it worked and now I have my blissful 12 hours a night and everyone is happy... Good luck.

sorry - winky face mistake there, and I meant "cue" not queue... (plus numerous other spelling and grammatical errors, but whose counting eh?) Duh!

I did it when dd was about 10-12 months. It took us 4 nights, and was hard, but worth it. Get all the help that you can, because the first few times you go for it, it is very difficult. I would sit and watch the clock tick second by second. But she never became overwrought, and after 4 days we had a child who slept from 6 to 6. If she wakes in the night now, she is 6, she goes to the loo and gets back to bed. Even as a little one, after the CC she was much faster to settle if she woke in the night, basicaly just needed to be tucked in, reasured that we were there. Did it with ds, took longer, not an sucessful initialy, but he now sleeps very well. If you can't cope with the waking (and I couldn't) it can be a good thing to do (but I know others disagree, and that is fine by me, each to his/her own).

I did it when ds was 8 months old, and still feeding at night. I knew that he didn't need milk, and it was just habit. I picked a Wednesday night to start, as dh was away for two nights, and then it would be the weekend, so not as much of a pain for him (no work to get up for). As it happens, ds was obviously ready (or it worked incredibly well) as he moaned a bit for the first night, but by the end of the four nights, he was going through the night. We haven't looked back. He is now a regular 7pm to 7.30am sleeper, except for periods of illness or teeth, which I can cope with.

Personally, I think that being in your room could be part of the problem. I understand why she is, as it IS a pain having to go down the corridor, let alone another floor of the house. However, you and your dh moving around in the night might be causing some of her wake ups. I'm sure that you would notice a difference if she were in her own room. We did notice some difference when ds went into his at 6 months.

Good luck. It really is worth sticking with it. Maybe offer her some water the first few times that she wakes up, and she will realise that this is all the attention she is getting, and that it is not worth waking up for. I just gave ds a quick kiss, and said 'Goodnight' firmly. I also left a few toys/books in his cot to occupy him if he did wake up.

I did it but not the 'cold turkey' way ...... I just left DS to cry solidly for about an hour and a half - I won't admit how young he was as I've had some stick on mumsnet about it (he was much younger than yours !) but I only had to do it the once & since then I have NEVER had a problem putting him to bed.

Good luck.

I mean I 'DID' do it the cold turkey way - if there is such an expression!

Another vote for controlled crying here.

My four have all been "done" at about 10 months age. They were still feeding in the night - waking up two or more times each night to be fed. Chose a time when dh could help out. Went in every 5 mins ish, settled for 2 mins ish, never got out of cot - just laid back down - pat - few soothing(?!) words. All four were sorted within 3 - 7 days. Dd - First night took 2 hours ish, 2nd night 45-60 mins, 3rd night 20 mins, 4th night slept through. Ds2 took 7 days but similar decrease in amount of time up.

I can't remember the last time I was up in the middle of the night with any of them although I have been in to ds3 at 10/11pm-ish the last couple of nights as he has a heavy cold - just repeat the 2 min laying down - pat - few words and he's gone back to sleep for the rest of the night.

Ds2 did wake in the night sometimes until he was 18 months old but again, the 2 min laying down again routine worked. I think he might have been cold (he was always uncovered when I went in) as when we put him into a bed (he kept climbing out of his cot) he never woke in the night again.

It is wonderful knowing I am going to have a full nights sleep. Other people seem astonished that all four of ours sleep so well and I know that if we hadn't done controlled crying I would be tired and grumpy all the time.

Is there another bedroom where you could sleep on the same floor as your dd's bedroom, while you try controlled crying? We did have ds3 in the same room as us when we did his controlled crying but it was much harder - I don't think it took any longer but I do remember pulling the duvet over my head and stuffing my fingers in my ears trying to block him out. We only did it like this because we were confident it would work.

Let us know if you do try it, and good luck.

Just to back all that's been said. I went back to work when ds was just over 4 months old. After a few weeks (still breastfeeding nighttime and morning) I was having trouble coping at work with unbroken sleep.

DS was also still in our room at that point too. I took the big step when he was 6 months old and moved him into his own room. This improved things (think I missed him more than he missed me!). I then cut out any feeds in the night and offered him water only which he quickly got bored with. Finally, a few weeks later I went for controlled crying when he woke in the night.

It was really hard to begin with. Heart strings being pulled, the minutes slowly creaping by, my pulse racing with the stress etc. but, lo and behold after about 20 minutes (going in at 5, 7, 10 minutes etc)he STOPPED CRYING!!

This took only 2-3 nights. He is now a brilliant sleeper. He goes to bed awake but happy at 7.30pm(just in time for the soaps - wonder how many other mums use this as "bedtime music"?). I usually wake him at 7.30am to get ready for nursery etc.

The only troubled nights are teething, bad colds etc but we can cope with this - can't we?

Good luck Calcium - give it a go and as everyone's said - stick to your guns!

Hi Calcium. I probably can't offer too much advice as we're still going through the cc phase. dd is 7/12 months old and all of a sudden started waking for an extra feed - was still having one normally- and couldn't get back to sleep unless I did feed her. It got earlier and ealrier until I had enough. We did cc for about 4 nights (longest crying bout 1/12 hours) then she stopped waking until around 5.30am which was better than ever before. She's still keeping to that until -of course- she started teething! Just when you get somewhere! Anyway - I'm not sure how to make her sleep longer in the morning yet - but we're nearly there.
Anyway, after all that rambling, my point is, I strongly recommend cc - it really works. HTH

Can't help I'm afraid. Ds is 21 mths and still doesn't sleep through all night. When ds was 14 mths we tried CC for 2 nights in a row and ds cried himself into a panic over the space of 3 hours each night, at one point I thought he'd be sick!!! We both work so we gave up and decided to admit defeat. He sleeps fine in his own room from 7.30 pm until the wee hours of the morning, then he comes into our bed and sleeps til 6.30ish.

Sigh.... we've just settled into that routine.

Good luck.. I hope it works for you. We just ended up so tired at work that we didn't care anymore WHERE he slept, as long as he just slept!!

I did it too with ds2 at about 9 months. He was waking up for b/f 2 or 3 times every night. I think it was worth it as he usually sleeps through now from 7/7.30 ish to about 6am BUT it took a lot longer than other people have mentioned here (about 10 days!!) and was very hard work as it was left entirely up to me (chose a time when DH was away so there would be no wavering or changes of heart.) Worked for us....good luck!

well sounds so far like cc is the thing. Last night we put dd in her own room and Grandma did the seeing to in the night. Actually she woke up (dd not grandma) at 11pm crying and was soothed back to sleep and given a bottle, then slept through till 6am. I will let Grandma do it again tonight and as you have all said will try to stick to our guns. Only worry I have is that dd's new room is on the floor with the dining room/living and kitchen but we only have another spare room and grandma is in that and will take alot of moving around. Any more stories would be appreciated as it helps to motivate and make me realise that we are not monsters!!

We have done cc twice at 7-8 months old.
I hated the idea of it, but it worked for both of ours - we had to do it as I was ill with pnd first time adn problems with my kidneys second time and I HAD to have some sleep.
Dd (first time) was awful - it took 10 nights to stop the crying and I felt tlike the worst mother in the world, but just when Iwas on the verge of giving up it worked and she has been a brilliant sleeper (7.30- 6.30 or 7) ever since. With ds it took 3 nights (a far more laid back personality) and he too is now a brilliant sleeper.
It was total hell while we were doing it but it worked, and now we know they will go down at 7 or 7.30 and sleep until the morning, which has made all the difference to us!

I did it with DD when she was 6 months and am really pleased I did. As has been said on here it isn't easy but we seemed to crack it in 2/3 days.

Since then we have had a couple of 'blips' (Xmas and moving house) but CC always works again very quickly.

One thing I would say is that you have to be really ready to do it as listening to all that crying can get to you!!!

I've just joined. What does dd and dh mean?

I'm trying controlled crying with my 6 month old. It's so stressful! She works herself into a complete state - shaking and screaming her head off, and if I go in to check her she just gets worse when she sees me. She's been sick a couple of times too. I just worry that it isn't safe to leave her to get in such a frenzy.

hello mummycat and other ccers
I shouldn't really be on this thread at all cos I'm rubbish at doing controlled crying and give in after about ooh one minute but at least part of this is self defence as 6 month old son just pukes his guts after 2 minutes of screaming (I mean screaming - I often leave him to grizzle himself to sleep but I don't think that is cc is it?). He can projectile vomit over himself/entire cot/me if I pick him up etc etc
That's why I always read with amazement about cc actually working - guess all kids are not like this then?

Mummycat, I'm new myself but believe that d = dear (or in dh's case I like to think of it as 'dopey'and then just add on h for husband, s for son, d for daughter etc

We did the cc at about 10 months or so, with our DS twins. They didn't like it one bit, screamed the place down for ages.
If they got themselves in a real state, I'd go in and calm them down, as IMO, they can't really relax and go to sleep if their hot and hysterical.
It did seem to go on for ever, but was proberbly a week or so.
We've always been really firm about bed times as well. I remember we had a bit of a power struggle, when they went from cots to beds, but we stood firm and it's really payed off.
Just keep at it, it's the only way to get peace in the longrun.

Mummycat, my dd (7 months) works herself into a total frenzy as well. Sometimes she will settle herself but more often than not I end up giving her a bottle which I know is making a rod for my own back. She was sleeping brilliantly and only waking up once in the night at around 3 - 4 am, but since she's had a cold (past 3 weeks) she's been waking a lot and I'm SOOOOOOO tired now. Dh tries to help but she doesn't respond as well to him as I always got up for her when I was on mat. leave and she is used to seeing me in the night (he is taking a weeks parental leave next month to address this issue!)

I've been thinking of trying cc, did it a couple of months ago and she was so unhappy I couldn't leave her. What does anyone else do if they get in a total frenzy? She doesn't respond to stroking etc but only stops if she is picked up.

Message withdrawn

I know only one woman in real life who is a huge fan of Ferber and CC... this mother talks about leaving her son to scream on fireworks night when he was terrified by the loud bangs (11 months old). She was afraid to start "bad habits" by going in to comfort him. We and all of our other friends tried CC, with short-term success, only to find it was something we were going to have to repeat over and over thru the years, and be downright heartless in the process. Definitely NOT worth it. Sometimes I do leave my kids to scream, but it's usually when they're overtired and so am I and I know that 5-10 minutes of yelling will exhaust them to the point that both of us will get back to sleep sooner.

I can honestly say I'd rather be woken up most nights for most of my children's first 5 years of life, then go thru the CC-thing again and again.

Haven't read it, but Elizabeth Pantley's book ('No Cry Sleep Solution'?) gets high praise from those who don't want to go the controlled crying route.

I did cc with my ds - several times in fact! He is the king of bad sleepers and still wakes in the night quite often at 3yo. I found it would work for a while and then he would regress and I'd have to do it again. Found it awful to do but I became hardened to it because I was so tired and knew it would improve my daytime relationship with him if I could get some sleep.

My advice would be to get up and go to another room in the house where you can't hear the cries and listen in every few minutes on a monitor. Also try to distract yourself - write a long post to Mumsnet, you never know somebody else might be online doing the same thing!

If it fails I'd recommend the NCT book on sleep. It describes all the techniques (CC and others) without making any judgements.

We have done CC with our first 2 children - our 3rd was able to settle herself to sleep as a baby on her own (perhaps it's because I left her after feeding, changing etc whilst I sorted the other 2 out LOL).

I often read of peoples stories of CC and am amazed. Hand on heart, both DD1 and DS1 took a MAXIMUM of 3 nights - we never left them to cry indefinately - we would go in every 5/10 minutes and resettled them etc. I never picked them up but used to put my hand on their backs and then leave the room.

After 3 nights they were sleeping through from 7pm to 7am. I have NEVER had to repeat the process (again I read that lots do) - my children will sleep anywhere now.

My 3 are now 3, 5 and 7 and we haven't had a disturbed night for years now

I think if you are going to do, then you must be determined and not "weaken".

Last night, DD2 (3) and I were laying on her bed, waiting for the bath to run and I said to her "what's your favourite bit about your bedroom?", she said "my bed". I asked her why and she replied "I like going to bed for sleepies!!".

Not many 3 year olds would say that

Also, just reading Beetroots message reminded me of my cousins little girl.

She came to stay at Christmas (she's 5) and slept in DD1s room and DD1 was on the mattress on the floor.

My cousin said "hope you get a good nights sleep, - C always wakes me up during the night etc, wanting X, Y and Z".

I went home thinking "no way!". Anyway, I said to C - we don't get up at night in this house - everyone likes lots of sleep etc. I made sure she wasn't thirsty, hungry etc and left hall light on so she could see the bathroom etc.

She didn't wake up AT ALL during the night - (and I kept checking to make sure she was alright!).

Back home, she is back to waking up, wanting food, drink etc etc and I'm sure it's because my cousin gives in to her for a quiet life (which at the end of the day, shes not getting because she has to keep getting up to her!).