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Original poster

How long do I leave her to scream before I just get her up and put on Totoro again?

39 replies

PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 22:29

It will be simpler to link, as I am not getting much response to an old thread. Boring I guess.

But I am at the end of my tether. DD is screaming the place down, hitting herself, the door, tearing her room apart.

She is jetlagged, we have to get her routine back. I feel like I am punishing her. I do not know if she is trying it on as she knows we will cave in eventually, if she is really too awake to sleep, if we should get her up, make her stay.

I am a shit mother.

here f you want more

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Hassled · 04/01/2009 22:35

You are not a shit mother and you should not get her up. She will never get back into normal hours if you get her up. Could you get into bed with her (or her into yours) and sleep together? No stories - this is lying quietly time.

Sounds hideous - I have sympathy if no useful advice.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 22:35

Anyone?

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Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 22:39

Hassled - x-posts, sorry thanks for replying.

Right now she is refusing us getting into bed with her, she is fighting us, literally, kicking, screaming.

DH just went in to let her know we were there still, give her a cuddle, and when he shut the door again, she screamed like he had trapped her fingers in the door or something, blood curdling.

I feel shit. I should not have hauled her across the world and back again in such a short amount of time. She is too young to understand the time thing, and its not been fair on her. She had not known if she is coming on going since we got back on tuesday.

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Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 22:40

She wants to sleep in our bed, but when we put her in there, she just sees it as a reason to get up and play. She won't take no for an answer - we told her if she does not settle in 10 mins, she goes into her own bed, and she had longer than that, and not a smidge. She wont sleep anywhere, apart from strangely a suitcase

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leoleosuperstar · 04/01/2009 22:45

If I get ds up (I normally operate the once we've gone to bed we stay there) I refuse to put the tv on and we have no toys and we just sit on the sofa. No talking nothing because it is dark and dark time is bed time. He gets a little upset but it does stop him from wanting to get up to play.

leoleosuperstar · 04/01/2009 22:46

Can you try the return to bed method? Keep just putting her back in bed till she gives up?

Is there a possibility that she just is not tired?

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 22:46

leo - problem with that is DH is on the computer, and he will not turn it off to sit in slience .

If I do quiet time, it will be better in our bedroom. I agree though, if she gets up (or goes into our room) it will be cuddles and hair stroking, no toys, books, no tv. I have bee naughty a few times though and put totoro on, as I cannot cope with 3am.

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Hassled · 04/01/2009 22:47

Just keep telling yourself that it will pass. And it will - within a few days she will be sorted.

This is not good parenting advice but I do happen to know that Children's Benylin for Night-time Coughs works a treat. The child doesn't even have to have a cough and it still works a treat . Maybe get some in for tomorrow.

ChasingSquirrels · 04/01/2009 22:48

what is totoro? And tbh if it worked I would let her sleep in ths suitcase.

Hassled · 04/01/2009 22:49

Now it must seem like I routinely drug my children and I really really don't . I have used it before with an overtired jet-lagged addled DS3, though.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 22:50

leo - yes there is s distinct possibility that she is not tired, that the 'power nap' she had in the car rejuvinated her enough. BUT, if I just accept that and let her stay up until she is tired, what do I do about tomorrow, and tuesday, and wednesday? And what if I presume she is not tired, and she is, and I get her up and screw it up all over again? Poor little thing. I feel so awful for her.

She wont get into her bed - as soon as she is in bed, she gets straight back out before I have even got up from the bed myself.

I think I am going to get her up and take her into my bed, try to settle her there. I will expect this to be a long night again.

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Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 22:53

Hassled - I do have some of that exact medicine in the cupboard but actually for a cough she had.

ChasingSquirrels - it is a great Studio Ghibli Japanese film/cartoon, she loves it and it calms her down. The other night she watched it twice, and fell asleep in her suitcase at 3-4am (not sure whn exactly as I fell asleep on sofa). I would love, in theory to let her sleep in the suitcase, BUT, firstly I worried about the lid getting stuck if I am not there, and also, dont want her to get used to it.

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puppydetox · 04/01/2009 22:54

no such thing as too much totoro

dd2 has been unsettled by the holidays, dd1 being around at normal naptime etc. as a result she's given up daytime naps and usually this means she's been going to bed earlier of an evening. but last night she got horribly overtired, screaming tantrumming mess.

i was too "firm" with her i think (i settle her in a sling, singing etc. and she was yelling to get down, hence cos that was cause of tantrum i felt i really couldn't let her get down - cue more screaming, biting, pulling hair etc.). had i just dropped her on the sofa to watch pirates of the carribean and cwtshed her she'd have settled in the end, i belatedly realise.

yes routines are there for a reason, but i'm not a "let them scream themselves to sleep" kind of parent and if we put routines above our human feelings we lose a small something i reckon. if she's not settled yet i'd get her up, give her a cuddle and let the routines settle back in gradually. they really will

ChasingSquirrels · 04/01/2009 22:55

no, I can see both of those points. Take her to bed with you, try and get some rest when/if she naps tomorrow. It WILL soon pass. We took 2.5yo ds1 to New York for 4 days, disruption was pretty hellish, but it soon passes.

ilove · 04/01/2009 22:57

whispers medised...

runsawayfast

sandcastles · 04/01/2009 22:58

Can you not lie in bed with her & coax her off to sleep? That is what I did with dd when we flew from UK to Australia.

I guess she is just like an overtired newborn, just cannot get herself relaxed enough to fall asleep.

It may take a few nights, until she is back into her normal sleep pattern, after that she should be relaxed enough to do it her self.

leoleosuperstar · 04/01/2009 22:59

I think if she is not tired you are fighting a losing battle.

Tomorrow make sure naps are taking early and she is tired enough for bed and have a really good routine - so by the time she is in bed without it being a suprise that bedtime is coming up she is ready to sleep.

If this is later than normal go with it and move bed time earlier every evening till it is the time you want.

Tomorrow is a new day. Good luck.

puppydetox · 04/01/2009 23:00

btw, dd2 has also had weird family-time-induced-illness (being out too long in the sub-zero cold on nye ) which meant she'd been sleeping only on us for the previous 48 hours. after all that screaming she felt rather hot so i medisedded her just in case

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 23:04

She has screamed herself to sleep. I think. Finally.

I was going to get her up. DH said no do not do it, its not the right thing, he said I am too soft, and while we were arguing, she stopped yelling.

I am actually a bit upset, as I did not want her to scream the place down and go to sleep so distraught, and now DH thinks because she is asleep it is right to do so. I want to go in and give her a kiss and a cuddle and tell her I am sorry I let her scream to sleep .

But I guess it worked, asleep, however it happened.

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ChasingSquirrels · 04/01/2009 23:04

now get yourself to bed then!

CarGirl · 04/01/2009 23:05

can you get some melatonin on line - order now and hope it comes soon. That will safely help get her sleep back in sync

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 23:06

She would not let me lie with her. First time I put her down she did, and almost went to sleep, and then I left. I should have stayed with her until she was actually asleep. Tomorrow, I will do that.

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puppydetox · 04/01/2009 23:07

don't feel bad, hope things are more settled tomorrow

ChasingSquirrels · 04/01/2009 23:07

don't beat yourself up about it, if you don't like what happened then (as you say) do it differently tomorrow. But you can't change what has happened so don't blame yourself.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 04/01/2009 23:13

Cargirl - funnily we were going to get some melatonin when in US but did not think this was suitable for toddlers? We decided no point us taking it if DD was not able to, otherwise we would be ready for bed and she would not be (that happened anyway, or rather, other way around).

If we can use this, I will get some next time we go (family there so will be going back again). I wish I had researched that better, not took families word for it!

Chasingsquirrals - problem is I have been with her almost every second of every waking out for the last god knows how many days. I have listened to her cries and dealt with lack of sleep until the early morning for a long time. I need some space to myself right now, and not sure i could sleep even if I went to bed. My head is spinning. And I woke at 10am this morning, and midday the day before.

Tomorrow will be different as I am getting up at 6am for work .

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