I am desperate to get proper sleep. Please help re dummies.

[mads1]

my dd2 (21 weeks old) has been having a dummy to go to sleep since she was a few weeks old. Only use to have it to fall asleep and then would go 4-5 hours without. But in the last couple of months she is needing it more and more to re settle in the nights. I am now at the point where I am sleeping on her floor next to her cotbed in her room, just because she wakes every 40-50 minutes. . It is easier to just reach up and pop the bloody thing back in rather then running backwards and forwards across the hall and sneaking in and out of doors trying to miss the creaks in the floor boards.

Have thought about going cold turkey but not sure I cuould take that comfort away from her. Maybe a 6 months.

Has anyone any suggestions on how to make this easier please. Or atleast some words of reassurance.

I am really getting to the point where I could cry all day from exaustion(sp?)-can't think anymore!!!!

Would be so easy too if I could co sleep with her but this disturbs dh sleep who is stressed at work right now so he says he needs his sleep.

Don't get rid of the dummy. Some babies need them, and some don't. They get rid of them themselves, when the time's right.

Co-sleeping sounds good to me at the moment. Is there someway you could acquire a single bed for you both, just in the short-term?

DH is behaving like a plonker, but I'm sure you already know that.

Just been In to settle her! Took half hour!

We got a dummy clip that clips onto the growbag - our DS can manage to get his dummy back in his mouth himself

mads1 you could be me 7 years ago. I think your baby could be waking up because every 50 mins or so she comes into the light sleep cycle and can't settle back without the dummy. My DS did this and I was desperate. At about 22 weeks I just went cold turkey. I gave him a lovely soft plush toy as a substitute, and he found his fingers in the end. I used Richard Ferber's book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems for advice on the sleep cycle and for a schedule about going cold turkey on the dummy. Looking back I think he was perhaps a bit young and I could have waited until 6 months, but he did respond very well and within a week was sleeping through without it (I had stopped night feeding by then too). There was some crying but I steeled myself and it really did work.

Mads1's DH here @desiderata: why exactly am I being a plonker?

I have offered to let M co-sleep and I'll throw a mattress on the floor in LO's room for me for as long as needed

Is it unreasonable that having a baby in the bed would prevent me from sleeping properly?

Am I not allowed to be stressed at work?

Some MNers are such misandrists; give a guy a break!

We went through something similar with DS. The gaps between waking up just got shorter and shorter the longer we left it. In the end, I decided to go cold turkey because I figured that I was getting so little sleep anyway that dummy cold turkey couldn't be any worse. We tried for a few days on our own and it was hell. Really awful. Finally in desperation, we used a sleep consultancy firm. Best 80 pounds I have ever, ever spent. It took about two weeks but now we have a baby who sleep through the night (and it was all done without using controlled crying etc).

Good luck. I remember this as being one of the most difficult times.

I haven't read the other posts. but at 7months I attached my boys dummy to the front of his Peke Moe (or you could attach to pj's?) with a peice of knotted fabric no longer than 10cm long (as it could become a strangling hazard), safety pinned to pj's and tied to dummy. When my boy woke I would go in quietly, put his hand to his dummy and lift his hand to his mouth. This took less than a week (probably 2/3days) and he could put his dummy in himself and never lost it again. He is 2 in February, and sleeps all night everynight. He only has his 'dodi' as he calls it for bedtime, and when he wakes we unpin it. I will deal with taking the dummy away later, at this stage he sleeps all night and has 1 2-3 hr nap during the day so I don't have a problem with it. hope that helps?

for you. I went through this with dd1 and you must be totally exhausted. People kept telling me that she would soon learn to find it and put it back herself buut truth be told she never really did as the damn things would keep slipping out between the bars of the cot and there I'd be at 11, 12, 1, 2, 3am scrabbling around under the cot in the dark trying to find them. Your dh is not being a plonker at all, I found it simply made the situation more stressful when you are very aware that your partner has to be at work/ is ill/ or simply needs sleep to stop him being a grumpy git in the morning (like mine ) that you want your baby to settle as quickly as possible and that put me off going cold turkey. In retrospect I wish we had done differently as she did not sleep through the night until she was 2 and a half when we did get rid of the dummy.

Sorry, I am wittering on here without saying anything vaguely useful. If 'cold turkey' is not for you then the only thing I can think of that you could try is to attach her dummy to the end of a muslin square, then maybe during the day when she has it she will get used to feeling the muslin whilst sucking on her dummy and then if she feels that in the cot when she wakes it may well give her a bit of comfort and in time she will learn to feel her way to wear the dummy is attached on it. After all, finding a big chunk of material in cot must be easier for them than finding a little bit of plastic!

Whatever you decide to do I hope things get better, life is so much easier after a half decent's night sleep.

Good luck.

We had the same problem when dd was 16 weeks and we went cold turkey. It is entirely possible to do it without using Ferber (which is cc) unless you want to.

It took 3 days for her to forget about it (which is apparently standard for this age -should apply to your baby too.

We started first thing in the morning for her first nap. I sat with her for 20 mins while she cried and then she fell asleep. The plan was to sit with her for 20 mins, leave for 5mins, back in for 10 mins, leave for 5 mins and if she wasn't asleep by then, to take her her for a walk (to make sure she got sleep and was not overtired).

At her lunch and afternoon nap, we took her out in the car/pram.

Beditme, same as morning. Sat with her for 20 mins, left for 5mins etc. Apart from the last night, when it took about 40 mins for her to fall asleep at bedtime without the dummy, she fell asleep within 20 mins.

By day 4, she had totally forgotten about the dummy. 4 days later, she started sleeping through the night from her dreamfeed.

It was the best thiung we have ever done - and we were all dummy addicted.

DD was waking up all the time looking for it and no-one was getting any decent sleep.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out but I just wanted to tell you our story because I was terrified about getting rid of it. I hate dd crying and using the dummy meant that she had hardly ever needed to. The way we got rid of it meant that she hardly had to cry by herself (apart from for a few mins) as I was with her the majority of the time).

Since we got rid of the dummy, she can self settle herself and goes straight down in her cot smiling and is asleep within seconds.

Forgot to add, that she sucks her fingers instead of the dummy. Some people may not be happy about that as it is harder to stop that habit when they are older but I am fine about it.

If you do decide to ditch it, do it when your dh is at home e.g weekend, as it is less stressful with both of you around.

Mads1, at your DD's age, it might be the right time to introduce a soother like a soft blanket? DS has this one. We took the dummy off him at around that age as he was needing it more and more and I just couldn't bear it becoming a big problem. I gave him his blankie then. He loves it now (at 9 months) and has it with every nap and big sleep. He stuffs it into his mouth when he is teething. It's very sweet. And he self-settles brilliantly now. You can introduce that if you don't want to take the dummy away cold turkey.

Mads1' DH - Sorry you got called a plonker. My DH needs his sleep as well and I ask him to sleep on the sofa (DS is in a cot in our bedroom as his designated room is down two flights of stairs!) when DS has bad nights due to mostly teething or illness. He doesn't usually get up to settle DS in the night but he does work very hard in the day for us and I get to have a nap during the day if I want (he doesn't obviously) to so I do try to give him a good night's sleep when possible so I don't think you are being unreasonable.

I had exactly the same problem! My DS is now 9 months old and he only wakes up once or twice for the dummy in the night now, he has learnt to settle himself in between.
It will get easier and I think its worth keeping the dmmy if you can, its such a great soother for when they need comforting. x

mads1- totally feel for you. have been through this with dd1 at 7 months old. all i can say is that it will get better once your dd can find the dummy.

sorry to say but i too think your dh is a plonker!

do you work too or are you a sahm. either way i'm sure you have stresses too and you need your sleep to function just like dh. can you not take it in turns to do the night duty? that seems fair, no?

I took ds's dummy away for the very same reason at 5 1/2 months and he sleeps much better now. I started with daytime naps and stayed with him and comforted him while he cried. It took 45 minutes the first time and less and less each day. He does have a couple of taggy blankets that he used as a substitute comfort - maybe you could introduce a comfort object too.

thanks for all the tips and just the support alone really helps.

Am now introducing a soft blankie as a comforter and then hopefully this will help when the time comes to take dummy away.

I need to point out in dh defence that he does do the dummy duty on Saturday nights and some Fridays.

And he works very hard for us!

mads1 - Good luck and you don't have to defend your DH. Everyone's relationship works differently and if it works for you... My DH works very hard for us too and is very generous with us. He does need his sleep and I would never begrude him for needing to have a better night's sleep than me now and then!

ooh this is awful isn't it dd started to put dummy in her own mouth around this age, try handing it to your dd in the day and let her work out how to do it...my dd is now 14 months old and we pile the dummys around her at night, any less than 8 and she will wake us up hunting for one, 8 or more and we get a good nights sleep!! good luck.

Mads1 - just wanted to add another success story. We had the same problem at the same age and decided that the right thing for us really was to ditch the dummy. Similar to PUdding we went cold Turkey and it only took 3 days and we are so glad we did it.

At the end of the day, it is something you just have to decide - whether you think your DC is better off with the dummy in the future or without it. Most people I talk to say if they give it up before 6mo they forget all about it, but then if you try to ditch it at, say, 2yrs then you can reason with them so it really is preference.

There are lots of arguments for and against the use of dummies in terms of physiological and mental development and for us, the against definitely won.

I think the comforter is a good idea to start with and no matter what you decide, of course, you will get lots of support on MN

The reality is (IMO) that as your baby is 5 months it may be another 3-4 months until she can consistently find her dummy in the dark and pop it back in.

If you can hang on until then the sleep problem will prob disappear as she won't need you to find her dummy for her.

If you want to try and deal with it earlier I would promote another comfort/transitional object such as a soft toy tucked under her arm every night or a snuggly blankie of some sort - or even a plain old muslin square. Just make sure you always give her the replacement object at the same time that you give her the dummy (day and night) so that sleepiness is associated with it.

Then (this is the hard part!) do what bighug and pudding have said!

thank you again for everyones advice and stories. I think we'll try the new comforter for a week or two and then think about cold turkey in the new year. We're going on holiday for two weeks at beginning of dec so shouldn' t really start anything til after. Lots of love to you all x

Hi Mads1

We have exactly the same problem.Our boy is 16 weeks tomorrow & is getting more & more addicted to his dummy. I wouldn't have a problem with using the dummy to help him sleep, except that (like you) the dummy actually WAKES him all through the night, every time it falls out! He sleeps in a cot next to our bed, but recently he's been more & more unsettled & he invariably ends up sleeping between us in bed (an arrangement we're not happy with anymore). We really would love to move him to his own room, but we're dreading the dummy situation, going back & forth replugging the dummy. I just have got to a point where I HATE the damn thing, & I'm so tired I can't think (like you). I have to say though that we do manage to get a bit of sleep in the early hours of the morning, when we take him in our bed, but I don't see that really as a solution, because the idea is for him to gradually learn to sleep longer on his own...

I'm too much of a chicken to take the dummy away cold turkey. We've been trying the gentle removal plan (from the No cry sleep solution) but it's not really working, you're supposed to take out the dummy before baby falls asleep completely, but that takes too much time, and frankly in our case our baby will have none of it!! We're also not happy with the idea of DS crying, so not sure what to do exactly, although perhaps cold turkey might actually work better in the long run... but don't know how to do it!!!

Blame it on the bogey: what does using a sleep consultancy firm involve? would love more info as I'm not sure what that's about?

Anyway, will keep watching this thread because I'm at my wit's end, and exhausted.

Maria - honestly, I was just like you. We had just moved dd into her own room a couple of wks before we ditched the dummy (at around 14 wks) and it was even worse as I had to get out of bed all the time to put the dummy back.

I didn't want her to cry and was thinking of doing a kind of gradual withdrawal business of getting rid of it. Then I thought that it would be fairer on her just to go cold turkey as by giving it to her sometimes and not others was just sending her mixed messages. Also, it was dragging it out.

Everything I read said that at this age, it only takes 3 days to break a habit until they have totally forgotten about it.

I was so tired and miserable and dd was grumpier than normal as neither of us were getting any decent sleep.

The way I did it did involve some crying, and it was hard as I can't bear her crying - but the whole process was less painful than I thought it would be.

Pudding,

Well I keep returning to these posts about the damn dummies again & again, because (as you know, since we've chatted again about this issue) in the last month or two the situation (the dummy addiction) is getting worse & worse.

Can I ask: how much crying did this involve until your baby fell asleep? could I have a more detailed plan of what you did? (sorry that I keep asking... but as I said I'm at my wit's end).

Our experience: DS apparently cried for 8 minutes before conking out cold and slept through. Must add, I did't want to do the crying as too much of a wimp but did not know there were other options at the time (listened to family too much instead of coming on MN) so DH (love him) took over and sent me out with the dog and did the distardly deed. Thoroughly recommend this if you have the option. By the time I got home it was all sorted!

The next time was 6/7 minutes and by the end of the 3 days, he winged a bit as I left the room and that was it.

Of course, now we have other problems ....