Husband says remove blackouts for 3yo? Thoughts?

[alittleconfused1]

Please help settle an argument with my husband!

My daughter is a terrible sleeper, she gets up very early, she sleeps with her window closed, blackout blinds and white noise. however her room is insanely hot in this weather so last night I put a fan in her room, but we had 2 hours of her waking scared until I took it out! So I resorted to opening her window and removing the blackouts (it was 30 degrees). She slept 9.30-4.45 but wouldn’t go back to sleep after that and I am sure it was the light and noise.

We have a terrible window that will only fit Venetian blinds and opens too high for an aircon unit. I am already having a meltdown that this is it for summer - window open, no blackouts and 4.45 starts. So was looking at other options. Yet my husband thinks it’s time to stop ‘wrapping her up’ and she should learn to sleep without the blinds and noise. Obviously he’s not the one getting up with her or dealing with an overtired child all day! He’s basically blocking me from putting anything back up in her room (I was thinking blackout on lower half of window that doesn’t open at least).

Would love to know what people think about this- would you stop the blinds and noise?

Thanks!

The one who wakes with the child decides. And yes I know he should get up with her but what should happen as per MN and what does happen in the real world aren’t always the same.

Agree with the above - whoever is to get up with her at 4:45 is the one who decides. Also, she is 3 years old, him saying that you need to stop wrapping her up is grim. She’s only just now longer a baby, if white noise and blackout blinds work then that’s that

I'm an adult and I like pitch black and quiet to sleep, I didn't have black outs as a child they weren't really a thing then. I don't really understand his thinking. Also if he isn't dealing with the waking he doesn't get a say, does he not even dream with it at weekends?! Assuming the reason you deal with it and he doesn't is because you SAH and he works

I think if he’s so convinced it’s time for her to learn to cope without them he’s just volunteered to take the lead on managing that situation. He’s the one to go to her a 5am and tell her to go back to bed.

She’s a bit young yet in my opinion but Is her bedroom safe for her to play alone? I’d consider putting a clock in there and explaining that we don’t go downstairs until 6am etc.

I think 4.45 is pretty normal for a three year old in this heat. Of course the window needs to be open.

I shall never forget 2 year old ds standing at his bedroom window at 4ish. "Birds up; Tommy up". (Not his real name).

This too shall pass.

Only a psychopath would want to remove blackout blinds from a child’s bedroom.

Have a look at thermal blackout curtains they can help keep the heat out. You might find better fans now also we have a floor standing one that is gentle and spins 180 like a breeze. The noise acts as her white noise too.

keep windows and curtains closed in bedrooms during the day - the trick is to not let the heat in in the first place…..

Agree with others, whoever is the one getting up with the child decides.

DDs have always slept with blackout-blinds, window shut but a fan on (even in winter). They're 12/13 now and the one year I made a mistake of booking a holiday cottage in the UK without blackout blinds...yeah, you guessed it, two weeks of them getting no sleep. I also cannot sleep without blackout blinds and a fan on (my version of 'white noise) and have slept with a fan for well over 20+ years now.

Rule number one of successful and happy parenting: don't fuck with your child's sleep. Because if they're sleep deprived then you will be to. And it makes everything 10000000x harder because not only are they monsters when they're not sleeping properly, you'll be too exhausted to cope properly.

Why is it ‘obviously’ you getting up with her? He also has legs no? He sounds like a bit of a tool.
Agree with others, whoever is getting up with her decides. There’s no ‘wrapping her up’ that statement is ridiculous.
I’d tell him to F off

You could close the curtains in the day and open the windows before bed to cool the room, then close the windows again to make it cooler.

There must be other options besides blackout blind and window shut or open and no blackout blind. You just need to get creative.

You need to cool the room better during the day. Then figure out a new solution. I’m currently stuck sleeping with my 6 year old in a loft room with only velux windows (due to building works). I have bin liners taped to the windows. But I can open them.

I would cut out the white noise though. You need to get her used to normal sleeping conditions. Adults sleep with blackout curtains, so that’s fine. Do be mindful though that open windows mean birdsong and street noise from about 4am.

That said, I’d be inclined to move her somewhere cooler. Bring her in with you and your Dh can sleep on the sofa or in the 30c room.

How late would she normally sleep with the blinds and window closed? I’d try and find a compromise… window open and blinds three quarters down? Is that an option? I have to go to the toilet in the night so in my case I might have been tempted to creep in at 03.00 or 04.00 am and close the window at that point before the birds wake but that might not be an option for you.

I have little desk top unit in my office that you put ice in and it blows out cold air. It really does work to cool the room down . Just set it off and hour or two before bedtime, then she doesn't have noise when she actually sleeps

You can also get things like cooling blankets that may help

And yes, make sure blind is down in the day

She's 3 so shes surely old enough for little clock or something and to be told if she wakes early she should play quietly until an agreed time? I just made sure mine had plenty of books and things in their room

And yes, your DH needs to do his share of the early starts

Some adults sleep with blackout blinds and white noise so I don't get your DHs point about wrapping her in cotton wool.
Try some ice packs in her bed before she gets in to cool it down then put fresh ones in when you go to bed.

I wouldn’t say 9.30 to 4.45 is a bad sleeper just an early riser
one of ours was like this they genuinely didn’t need much sleep

you can get temp blackout blinds that sick on to window with suction cup to try

How exactly is he blocking you? Either the blinds go back up of he gers up with the child at 4.30. He doesnt get to dictate while getting a full noght sleep. DH more like dickhead.

Id look for a quieter fan.

My LO is about to turn 3 and there is absolutely no chance I will be getting rid of the blackouts and white noise any time soon. Many adults use these to sleep so it’s absolutely not unreasonable for a child.

I have awkward windows too with a huge recess which is annoying. Are you currently using the stick up blackouts? Have you had a look at the blackout film you can cut to fit each window pane? Granted it means the room is dark in daylight hours but may be a temporary summer solution and you can crack the window a bit.

Stick foil to the window it reflects the heat and is blackout. I’d probably try to wean down the white noise

I feel you- it's tricky juggling light and air flow this time of year! Not sure why your DH thinks having blackout blinds is age related? Also one of mine is 4 and still has lullaby toys to help her settle.

4.45am start sounds brutal!

Can you set an alarm for you to go in her room quietly just before it gets light to Pull the blinds and curtains? As the temperature drops during the night.

Are you keeping the blinds shut during the day? It can help the room from overheating.

I don’t know tbh. If you’d describe her as a terrible sleeper then doesn’t sound like the blackouts and white noise are working. So trying something different makes sense. And she can’t sleep in a room that hot, you do need to try to cool it, and if you don’t have air conditioning then opening the window overnight seems sensible.

Some other things to try: dyson fan as they’re quieter and no scary blades, curtains not blinds (can get blackout ones from ikea v cheaply) that can be pulled over the bulk of the window to block light but left slightly ajar for airflow, gro clock and a reward like morning TV or special cereal for staying in bed (but make it 5am if her usually wake is 4.45 to make it achievable then gradually inch it forwards).

What I really don’t understand though is why it’s ‘obviously’ you getting up with her? Why aren’t you taking turns?

I agree with keeping the curtains closed in the day so that the heat doesn’t build up. Our bedroom is south facing and I started doing this a while ago on days when it’s going to be hot and it really does help.

I also agree with trying thermal, blackout curtains in her room.

Early wakings are awful though aren’t they? I think there is a chapter on them in the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddler and Preschoolers.

If she regularly wakes early, I’d also look at her calorie intake during the day. This guide from the Caroline Walker Trust is pretty good as it has sample menus and suggested portion sizes.

I do think though that you need at least one lie in over the weekend. If you’re not getting that then I think you have a DH problem

Put suction blackouts up and get her to sleep normally, take the top part down and open the window after she is asleep then put that bit up again before you go to bed. Or blackout curtains on an extendable pressure fit pole if issues fitting curtain rails so you can have air movement behind them.

Also buy reusable ice packs and put them in a pillow case in her bed. DS uses them in the heat. Or a make a cold water bottle for her bed using a hot water bottle and ice and cold water without the cover on.

Put the fan on in her room and two window open upstairs for air flow before bed to cool the room.

Put a fan outside in the hallway with her door ajar and open a hallway window/two upstairs windows to get air flow through once she is asleep.

Dress her only in underwear with only a thin sheet for cover.

DS is the same in the heat and when the sun is rising early and has been since he was that age, he is 12 so I say if you are the one getting up you do what you need to do to protect your sleep.

Who died and made him king?! You're coming up with solutions, where's his? She's 3 for goodness sake. And why isn't he sharing the getting up? Is he a brain surgeon on lates?

There's some good suggestions on this thread. Why don't you tell him that leaving her to it and 4.45 wake ups aren't sustainable, and he needs to contribute some realistic solutions. And share the load fairly.

Also OP one more thing totally unconnected to the hot weather. Juat a thought but is she daytime potty trained but still in a night nappy? It’s not uncommon for them to wake needing a wee/be aware of weeing in the nappy, and then struggle to get back to sleep afterwards. You could try the typical advice of limiting drinks after dinner etc and also maybe taking her for a dream wee as you go to bed. Of course totally ignore this if she’s already dry at night but if not it could be something else worth trying.

Sorry just wanted to add that at that age I left a potty by the bed, water in a no spill cup and a clock or a gro clock so that they could see if it was getting up time or not. It was more successful with DC1 but DC2 was less consistent. At 3 she should be able to entertain herself for a little bit if she wakes early but whether she will might be a different matter…