Advice for managing newborn sleep who wont be put down and a toddler during the day.

[Karma1387]

Just looking for a bit of advice and hopefully a miracle suggestion.

I have a 6 week old beautiful baby and a toddler. Currently we are co-sleeping as it is the only way he will sleep. This also currently applies to naps. I am bringing him upstairs so he can sleep as he is hit and miss in my arms and wont sleep in his next to me crib downstairs.

However my partner goes back to work in a week and because he works nights I wont be able to keep bringing baby upstairs for naps in our bed and also I will be looking after my toddler so I can't leave him. Toddler also wont leave baby alone so if I do attempt to put him in the cot downstairs my toddler shakes it or throws stuff in it or screams or tries to grab at him. Baby wont settle into the carrier either!

I'm terrified how I am going to allow baby to get enough sleep and also how I am going to be able to deal with things like toddlers lunch and nap and bath and bedtime if I can't put the baby down anywhere either because he screams or because my toddler will cause him harm.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Try different carriers. Find out if there is a sling library near you, where you can try different slings / carriers so see if anything works better. This was the one thing that made a huge difference to me.

Thank you! Never heard of it but appears we have one near us so I have just contacted them.

When did you find you could stop using the sling and baby would nap on their own?

I have a 2 year old and a 5 month old and I agree with PP a good carrier is great, so is the pram! Baby has a nice long nap in the pram while me and toddler walk/play in the park, they get used to it and keeps everybody happy in this house!

As others said, use a carrier and the pram. Mine used to sleep in the pram downstairs using a Rokit (so it vibrates the pram). Surely with a toddler you are out quite a few hours a day anyway. Mine didn't nap in her cot until she was over 12 months old but she is my only so didn't have much reason to force it. I like the Ergobaby carriers, mine lived in that for the first few months!

I think DD2 spent the first 3-4 months of her life in the sling! She just went in there and then toddler DD1 and I went and did whatever we needed to do. I found in those early weeks and months that any way you can prioritise toddler is good to do so, and the sling really helps with that as we were able to resume a lot of our pre-baby activities that way, which I think made the whole transition much easier for DD1.

Totally agree with this, and the earlier you start the better.

I am planning on trying to go out with them but baby wont sleep in pram for long if at all or carrier and toddler then also wants to be carried (hes only 2).

Not to mention trying to find things out and about that keeps my toddler interested which we can do whilst I am holding/feeding baby is proving difficult.

Currently the only time I have managed to get baby to nap in the pram is if we are constantly moving but even that is hit and miss. It also means things like parks dont work very well as I have to stop moving the pram to help the toddler on the play equiptment.

Hes a great sleeper if we are in bed. Everywhere else he sucks at sleeping!

Have you got a Rockit for the pram? I use that so that it still feels like the pram is moving even when we have stopped to play x

Not being able to prioritise my toddler is my worry. Hes coped well with the change but my partner has been here. When its just me I worry he will resent not getting to do things he wants to do and me not being very available for him.

Baby already feeds every 30 mins -1hr if i'm lucky. Add in the fact he wont be put down its safe to say I am a bit scared about my partner going back to work.

Yeah we have one we use but it doesnt seem to help. Even when we are constantly moving he is hit and miss so I wasnt overly surprised when he didnt fall for the Rockit.

You have my sympathies, this was me a couple of years ago with my toddler demanding I build complex train track configurations while I was holding a screaming baby 🤦🏻‍♀️

Pram naps in the house.. move the pram backwards and forwards.

Baby bjorn bouncy chair on the most reclined setting (with supervision).

Hold sleeping baby with one arm, fetch snacks/ wrangle toddler with the other.

It does get easier. And I would recommend trying to put the baby down in their own cot for naps and night time as much as possible.. they will get used to it eventually 🤞

Thank you for the suggestions. I cant fit the pram in the house unfortunately. I have tried the baby bjorn and a swinging chair but he wont sit in either 😭

I think its going to be a lot of one handed food making and playing and hoping he sleeps in my arm.

I had planned on being firm with napping and sleeping in the cot with this one but between not being able to have him in the bed downstairs because of the toddler and the fact he screams until he is sick if I try at night I had to give up and co-sleep.

by 4 months things were much more settled. Mine didn't really nap during the day so we were out as much as possible! Baby groups - plenty for your toddler to do and you can sit and feed when needed. if you don't have a double pram then a buggyboard is great - though I mostly had the baby in a carrier and put the toddler in the pram to go for walks / feed the ducks etc. Plenty of fresh air also helped the baby to sleep :-)

The baby will settle for a nap somewhere other than on your bed, you just have to persevere. Rearrange the furniture/living space (look at abbay gates/playpens) so that you can keep your toddler away from the baby when he's sleeping.

Id love your suggestion on how to make it so he settles somewhere other than my bed? If I put him in the carrier or cot he cries until he is sick. Considering he wont always settle even if I am holding and comforting him I would love some ideas on how I can have him settle in a cot or swing? I have had him cry for hours whilst I have held him and comforted him. There is no way I would put a 6 week old in his cot and just let him cry for hours thats just cruel.

Our living room is very small so unfortunately not an option to put a pen or anything around the cot without making it so ny toddler then has no floor space to play unfortunatley. I could put the cot in the middle of the kitchen but not really practical with us going in and out of there to cook, eat or go outside

What is it about your bed that works for him do you think? I'd start there and then see how that can be recreated somewhere more practical. Do you have a moses basket?

We are currently looking for a double pram as there is no way my 2 year old will stand or sit on a buggy board 🤣

But I agree fresh air is very good for them. My toddler sleeps much better after being outside.

Does your toddler go to nursery? I managed it by my eldest going to nursery 3 days a week, so they were the days I focused on baby, and then the 2 days toddler was home I focused on her. They will both need focusing in during the week, and this gives a good balance. On toddler days, baby just came along wherever we went and napped whilst out.

I can lay next to him with my boob in his mouth or him resting on it 🙈 plus its obviously more comfortable then me holding him in my arms.and quieter.

We have a next 2 me crib which rocks but he has no interest. I have even tried putting nice fluffy blankets in it to try and make it comfy (for daytime naps when I can watch him) and he just wont settle in there.

Thankfully he does go 3 part days so he gets time away from the baby bless him. Unfortunately the days hes at home I dont have the ability to make it about him as the baby is feeding or being held constantly. I feel bad for him.

Does he have a dummy?
Is he feeding to sleep?
If you have a moses basket or can borrow one (or a similar type of thing) I'd try that with you laying right next to it initially, perhaps on your bed, but giving you the ability to roll away once he's asleep.

We have tried multiple dummies none he will accept and yes he feeds to sleep.

This is what the next to me is. It has a flap i can pull down so i can lay on the bed touch him, rocking him, pat him but he just screams and screams 😪

Second a carrier! Didn’t use it much first time round but was excellent with a baby and toddler in tow. My youngest had hours of naps while my eldest played in the park etc. Also great for breastfeeding (loosening carrier straps and with the right top underneath).
We had this one- https://www.babipur.co.uk/products/integra-size-1-baby-carrier-regular-strap?variant=55741931815237&country=GB&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&srsltid=AfmBOorR1q1QWfzNn5XMzw15zoGFtGkL6S-xb-A8qEf9stM5lOALkFoFvG4

I can’t say that a different sling made much difference but for dd2 the game changer was a wind up swing, not for naps but she would be content for 15-20 minutes (timer was 20 minutes) so I could prepare food and spend time with dd1 plus crucially paperwork as dd 1 then 2 was going through autism diagnosis plus I worked from home managing an apartment building which had zero maternity leave (completely legal in USA state we were in), you have to find a way. Paternity leave wasn’t a thing so I was on my own from day 2. The electronic babysitter had to do heavy lifting with dd1 luckily obsessed with 3 minute sequence in Winnie the Pooh and capable of operating the vcr. I used a front carrier for cleaning and she did sleep a bit, but neither of mine were big sleepers to be honest, dd1 was particularly bad as in barely more than 12 hours when they should be sleeping most the time!