1 year olds sleep is horrendous. I need help

[Elisabeth3468]

I am desperate . I feel like I'm being tortured. My daughter has always slept ok with bad phases but the last 3 weeks we've entered some new fresh hell.
its destroying my life, i can't work because i can just not function. I can't even walk into a room and remember why I went in.
she wakes around midnight- 1am and that's it, she's awake, till maybe 4 or 5. Then back to sleep till 6am. Then up for the day. Today she woke at 3.30am for the day and has been awake since.
she takes 1 nap a day and has since 9 months old. It's about 2-2.5 hours. She goes to bed around 7-8. I can't keep her up any longer because she's exhausted.
she used to sleep 7-6ish with one or two wakes for a feed which was fine.
she is cutting molars and already one is fully through. I've tried Calpol, ibuprofen, nothing makes a difference. Sometimes she's upset, sometimes she's just awake.
i am physically unwell because I'm getting no sleep. I keep getting infections.
I feel a shell of myself.
any advice ?

Bless you. I would cut her daytime sleep, long walk/freshair after tea and go to bed when she does just for a few nights to catch up on sleep.

I always say this on the sleep threads. Is there anyone that could have her so you can get some sleep? Tackling this when you're on your knees is the worst.

Doesn't have to be overnight, you could take a days leave and sleep all day. If someone does offer to have her overnight, don't say no because of her sleeping (you might have other reasons like not being ready to let her sleep over somewhere, that's different!) You might find she sleeps better for someone else or the person offering doesnt mind one night of broken sleep because they can sleep the next night.

But basically you need some sleep. Like 6 to 9 hours of actual sleep. Then you can work out whats going in and what to do about it.

I feel for you. I remember what that zombie feeling was like. I thought I might not survive it. Genuinely. But I did. And you will too, but it's SHIT right now. I hear you.

I don't understand how I can cut her day time sleep when she's only getting 6-7 hours over night?
she naps 11ish till 1/1.30. Sometimes even less. It's not a lot really.

I wouldn't cut her daytime sleep, do you cosleep? What's she doing when she wakes? Trying to play? Hungry? I really feel for you my first was like this!

Thanks for this.
MIL has offered to take her for a couple of nights. However I know for a fact I won't sleep with worry. Nobody has ever looked after her apart from me and I don't want her away from me. And I feel it doesn't solve anything. It might get me a night or two but then we are back to square one. I am going through a tragic bereavement as well which is making life even harder.
i just want to enjoy life and I can't any more

You will enjoy life again, sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture and you are in tge thick of it.

No you need to stop the day sleep at this age that's why she isn't sleeping, worked that out fairly quick with ours yes toy will have a couple of rough days adjusting but plenty of exercise and entertainment and it will be fine then you should end up like our 4 youngest 7-7 with no problems

I wish to god she co slept. My first did and although he woke a lot , he would feed and fall back to sleep. She's never wanted to co sleep and has always slept well in her cot until recently. She might be hungry I don't know. I feed her 3 meals a day and 1 snack but she doesn't eat much at all. Breast feeds but not loads. Maybe 2-3 times in 24 hours. My supply has depleted so much because of stress , illness and exhaustion.

Sending you thoughts and prayers from a mum to a seven month old who is also right in the steaming pile of shit with you, I’m sorry

have you tried ChatGPT? We were having awful evenings and I wrote everything down on there and it gave me a really good routine that has worked. Also slightly ashamed to say that it made me cry with its “you’re doing amazingly” advice 😂

you’ll get there, I promise, but yes right now is just fucking awful

Stop day sleep ? She's literally just 12 months old. There's no way she would physically stay awake all day

Ah,.sorry to hear about your bereavement. You have a lot on your plate.

I don't mean that someone having your baby overnight will solve the issue. Just that you'll be fresher and more able to cope and perhaps be able to see solutions that you can't see because of the overwhelming exhaustion you're feeling right now.

I completely understand if you're not ready for overnights. What about during the day? Could she have her all day and you get some sleep?

Also, re the daytime nap, no harm in trying it once or twice? If it isn't right then you go back to the nap.

Also a bedtime supper might help. A warm milk weetabix or something?

Hope you get some sleep soon!

I feel for you. Sleep deprivation is brutal.

Do you have a nightlight or dim lamp to avoid putting bright lights on at night, as light will make the body think it’s morning. Best to aim for low stimulation during the night- no light, screens, no toys other than soft ones to snuggle, just hugs and bedtime soothing voice and calming music at most. Maybe a gro clock so they can see blue means night yellow means morning, though maybe they’re more for older children. They are hell to work out when you first set them while sleep deprived but handy once working! There’s always some on marketplace. Then get the little one out in daylight in the daytime, and dim lights just before their bedtime. It’s surprising how powerful light is. Dont feel afraid to shorten/cut the nap. There is good advice on routines by age by age on Huckleberry website.

Could MIL take both of you overnight in separate rooms- so you can sleep peacefully not feeling too separated/alone, and MIL can deal with wakes “sshh it’s not morning yet, mummy’s asleep, we need to sleep some more”?

Hope you get some good rest.

No advice, but so much sympathy. I have felt how you feel and it’s horrific.

With mine it just a phase and a case of waiting for it to pass to a certain extent, didn’t last years or anything more like a few weeks.

On that basis I just went to bed at 7, I know this means no life but as it wasn’t for long and waiting for it to end it was the only way.

Thanks guys for all your advice. After being awake since 3.30am. She napped 9-10am and that's it. I've tired for another nap and she won't go to sleep so I give up. I guess she's just a terrible sleeper

Is she meeting all her milestones?

She certainly is. She started walking shortly before her first birthday, hasn't fully mastered it yet so mixture of walking and crawling. She communicates, points, claps, feeds herself. She's understanding more and more. She's saying a few words and copying sounds. I'm not concerned developmentally in the slighest.

7pm and she's still going

All of my three went through similar phases at around this age, OP - I vividly remember watching Bing at 3am night after night for a few weeks, because they were just wide awake with no hope of going back to sleep any time soon. But in every case the phase did just end, without any obvious reason. Do try to go to bed with her for a few nights if you can, just so you can get a decent chunk of sleep before she wakes up.

You said she doesn't eat much or even drink much milk so it made me wonder if she's always a bit hungry and I know that hunger makes sleep impossible or completely shit. Is there any way you could give her a bottle of warm cows milk before bed so her stomach is full and see if that makes any difference

Yeah she's going through a low eating phase! She used to eat well but she is teething so I think she's struggling. She won't drink out of a bottle. She will have a cup and I offer cows milk in the afternoon. She generally doesn't drink it. She breast feeds but not loads now. I have been very unwell with glandular fever the past couple of weeks and my milk supply has dropped so I'm wondering if that has had an effect. I've not been able to eat etc.

I haven't gone through this, so I might be barking completely up the wrong tree, but could you sleep in her room with her, even if she wakes you could rest through it, assuming she's safe? You don't have to jump to attention at every sound? Just wondering really

@Elisabeth3468 how are things now? I'm going through the exact same thing and my little one sounds like yours too. My little one doesn't Co sleep and I don't know what to do anymore as it's every night for weeks now. Can't drop a nap as she's on one nap. She does however have a massive appetite and she was off milk early. I don't think that would be the issues you're having. I know it's peak for separation anxiety but surely there's something that helps?! Even if someone said it would just be another week or so. I hope you're managing OK.

We had about a month of split nights and then they randomly stopped! She's now waking 1-2 times a night and occasionally sleeping through. I feel like a different person. Still exhausted but nothing like I was. She's got 3 molars and another on the way so I expect sleep to go bad again soon enough. I do find she's better with a later bed time. Even if she's been awake like 8-10 hours. We were at families last night and she actually didn't go to sleep till 10pm and managed fine! Didn't even fall asleep in the car on the way home and she'd been awake 8 hours at this point. She slept through till 7.15. Honestly I think she can just handle very long wake windows and needs to be very very exhausted to fall asleep. Still on one nap. 🥲 anywhere between 1.5-2.5 hours and generally awake before 2pm xx

@Elisabeth3468 thats good to hear! I'm glad things have eased for you. Teething is a nightmare! My little one has most of hers already and everyone is like 'at least it gets it out of the way' but it doesn't really when sleep is constantly upset! That's mental re wake windows! She sounds like a right little fomo 😂. Mine was at the hosp the other night due to croup and she was awake for 8 hours easily. It is crazy what they can do. Fingers crossed things get better for you as time goes on. It's not easy but it is good to know there's light at the end of the tunnel, even if you're stuck in the middle of it!

Same with my little one. 13 months and she's got 8 teeth at the front and 3 molars and 4th on the way! She got her first tooth at 4 months so it has been constant teething it seems.
she definitely has fomo! Think I need more sleep than she does lol.
i hope the nights improve for you. Do you think it's illness? Croup sounds awful.

Yes! My little one is the exact same! She has 14 with the others pushing and I can feel the back molars under the gum. The last two nights have been better but I don't have high hopes. It's like ptsd I can't put my head on the pillow without hearing a cry! Someone told me she was a fomo baby when she was really young and I thought nah because I am not a fomo person but I'm so glad she said that because I focused on it and realised that's exactly what she was and I have been able to adapt things for her/help myself 😂