Week old baby, won’t be put down, am exhausted!

[YourAquaHiker]

Hi,

looking for a bit of advice pleases I have a one week old newborn baby. He is perfect and we love him so much. However, he won’t tolerate being put down in his crib or really anywhere else. He wants to be in our arms constantly and will cry pretty much as soon as he is put down. I know this is very normal but we are absolutely exhausted and every night is a massive strain. We do shifts but because we are so tired we have fallen asleep with him on us before. This has now stopped as we know how dangerous it is but we really have no idea how we can get him to sleep (even just for 1 hour) in his own crib. I don’t know how long this can go on for as we are both so sleep deprived already.

another vote for trying co-sleeping safely!

I wouldnt co-sleep with such a small baby in a sleep deprived state.

Swaddle is your best option, It won't help you sleep but try a baby carrier/or swing (check min weight requirements) during the day for some more flexibility.

“Once babies are around 3 months they sleep roughly 7 till 7 just waking briefly to be fed and only changed if dirty. ”. What utter rubbish, most 1 year olds dont even sleep through the night.

Swaddle. Also, ours slept really well in his pram, so I just brought it to the living room and one of us slept on the sofa, while the other slept in the bedroom. Sounds funny but it worked so well!!

I came on to say another vote for reflux! How are they when you put them down when awake? Happy to be on their backs or still cry?

I got a rockit, this helped (once the reflux was under control) went for a walk (even up and down living room) once asleep, pop the rockit on and I got another 45 mins

Me and my DH used to do this exact routine! Why isn’t it working as you should both be able to get sleep if you also sleep in the day

I've had three babies. DS1 only slept independently of us while swaddled in a Miracle Blanket. We first tried it at 5 weeks or so on a recommendation from an NCT friend and I remember looking at DH in awe as he lay there and saying "we've found the off button".

DC2 got himself out of the Miracle Blanket on his second night home, but a Love To Dream swaddle did it for him.

DC3 is currently 8 weeks old and is lying asleep right next to me, in just a sleeping bag, not a swaddle. He is in a Moses basket though, and he sleeps well in the pram carrycot downstairs, too.

It's so annoying how there is no one size fits all advice, but I'd definitely recommend trying swaddling and different kinds of swaddle blankets. You can often pick them up on vinted/FB marketplace, if you can be bothered with the faff and waiting for a bit.

Please have a look at the Happy Cosleeper and Cosleepy on Instagram.They are great for evidence based advice and support on safe cosleeping and 'breast sleeping', where can learn to feed overnight with minimal disruption to you and baby. There are hormones in breastmilk that help get both baby and you back to sleep. Another reason why setting up your bed to bed share is really important as those might feeds can be exhausting and it's safer to ensure if you fall asleep you are doing so as safely as possible.

Like you, I was extremely anxious to do it with my first, but slowly started doing it by practising during day time naps, and getting my partner to check on us, as he was a v wakeful baby.

with my second I did it straight away, by making sure our bed was set up safely and also doing reading on 'chest sleeping', which got us the most sleep during those early days.

i know others hsve already said but is safer to set up your bed for cosleeping, even if you think you'll never do it and this is the advice NHS share now. In fact is was our health visitor who first suggested bed sharing with my first.

the lullaby trust also have the safe sleep guidance for cosleeping/ bed sharing online.

if you're concerned it is reflux causing the wakes please access breastfeeding support. Do you have breastfeeding support in your local area? in my area we have a great team of peer supporters who work alongside professionals to support people. It can often be something as simple as the latch needing tweaking which can make all the difference.

Are you aware of how many babies have died through accidental suffocation as a result of a parent of a parent rolling or sleeping on an infant? Google may aid you

We also did this out of desperation when DS2 wouldn’t even sleep when we did cosleeping. Turns out she had reflux and needed medication.

Op definitely try cosleeping and look up the ‘c’ position even though it’s uncomfortable tbh. If that doesn’t work then do consider reflux as a possibility. Best of luck to you. It’s horrendous.

We did 7-1 shift and then a 1- morning shift. It worked ok. Obviously the second shift person is exhausted but they’re getting some solid rest!

It’s expensive but I’ve been using the snoo smart sleeper bed with my little one and it’s been a game changer. The prices are crazy new but you could look for a second hand one.

How are you getting on?

I came to say that my baby is now 9 months old but as a newborn she was like that. Would only sleep if held upright. It lasted for about 5 weeks. She eventually adjusted to accepting going down. It started where after 2-3 weeks she would accept a nap in the Moses basket around 10am-midday. At night it was impossible, I would feed her, hold her, attempt to put her down, she would scream until I picked her up. After the first two weeks I bought a swaddle and some nights it worked for a grand total of 30 minutes. I found that a success but it was short lived. I gave up with the swaddle.

I would nap during that 10am-midday (if she went down which was debatable) and I would nap from 9pm-midnight while DH held her. I was feeding her too so I didn’t get a 3hr block, possibly 2x 1hr20mins sleep. It was the most tired I have ever felt. We have a toddler too so DH slept from midnight-7am so he could function for the toddler. I started pumping at 3 weeks pp, once in the evening, and DH would give her a bottle. This meant that I could wake up and pump for 10-15 minutes and then go back to sleep and get a better sleep while DH looked after her fully for the 9-1am.

She did improve after 5 weeks. I think her night and day was messed up. So she would maybe accept a nap in the late morning but no other time of day unless held.

Although at 9 months old she does sleep in the cot at night but say naps are still either on me or in the car.

Does your baby nap in the car? If you are desperate go for a drive, then once asleep carry the car seat back in the house? If they sleep in the car seat. We have a cybex that opens up fully to lie flat. We did that for a few day naps. Never tried it at night but I was very close to doing it.

Unfortunately the snoo has many known negatives, it is known to contribute to babies not gaining weight because they don’t wake to feed regularly as they should, and also breastfeeding doesnt get established well as it requires frequent feeds.

The safest way through this really is to co-sleep, you follow the guidance and breastfeed to sleep lying on your side, it’s also good for a tiny baby as their breathing rate is regulated by yours being so close.

i sleep without covers, i think in a fleecy onesie that I could unzip to extract boob, and zip up again afterwards.

Oh gosh I hope you are ok. My youngest didn’t sleep for more than 20 minutes for the first 7 weeks it nearly killed me. I was hallucinating and sleep experts out swaddling and all sorts nothing fucking worked. At 7 weeks he would sleep but only on me, my ex, his siblings or the dog. He didn’t sleep a full night in his own bed until 10 every single night crept out like a ninja and into me arms. You may never know the reason why. My youngest is ASC and regulated by cuddles and warmth and heart beat. Swaddling did not work, he needed a heart beat.

you have lots of good advice-
could be allergy
could be swaddling could be too hot or too cold
could be reflex

my only bit of advice is - it will pass you will get through this and YOU need to sleep. If that means shifts or getting a night nanny (if you can afford it) or someone to look little one during the day and you sleep. A lovely friend once took a day off work on paid holiday and took mine from 7 am to 7 pm and I slept. Just slept and without I would not of survived. Good luck.

Our first week was exactly the same as yours. I had no idea how we'd ever sleep in the same room again as we'd been keeping the baby downstairs while the other slept. I just decided one night that we were all going to spend the night in the same room and that I would figure it out. I have never co-slept but it takes some serious willpower to get them back into their crib sometimes 10 times a night, they do get used to it though.

Make sure you're getting some fresh air and daylight with the baby, they have no idea what is day or night to start with and this helps. I'd recommend a moses basket (mine fit in the next to me crib) as it's cosier when theyre really small, white noise machine, hold them for a while after they fall asleep before putting them in their crib so they're really asleep (I started at 30 minutes as mine had reflux but 10 mins might be a good start for you), when you lie them down put their bum down first to startle them less. Also check out sleeping bags or swaddle bags (love to dream), they're cosier than just a blanket.