Week old baby, won’t be put down, am exhausted!

[YourAquaHiker]

Hi,

looking for a bit of advice pleases I have a one week old newborn baby. He is perfect and we love him so much. However, he won’t tolerate being put down in his crib or really anywhere else. He wants to be in our arms constantly and will cry pretty much as soon as he is put down. I know this is very normal but we are absolutely exhausted and every night is a massive strain. We do shifts but because we are so tired we have fallen asleep with him on us before. This has now stopped as we know how dangerous it is but we really have no idea how we can get him to sleep (even just for 1 hour) in his own crib. I don’t know how long this can go on for as we are both so sleep deprived already.

Wha does your first sentence mean? You do realise that we are carry mammals and that it is entirely normal to sleep alongside our babies?

Gosh, you say you are a paediatric nurse, @Toddlerteaplease so I presume you do know that it is entirely normal to sleep alongside our infants. Presumably you also know the NHS now recommends following Lullaby Trust guidance on how to co-sleep safely. And, you also know that co-sleeping is only unsafe, when it is not done safely. (If not then perhaps it is time to refresh your training.)

@OrangefIuffmy trust still doesn’t allow co sleeping while in hospital.

I would try -
Love to Dream Swaddle UP
Sleepyhead Dock
Warm the Sleepyhead with a hot water bottle or similar before putting baby down
Keep your hand on his stomach when you put him down for a minute and take it off gradually
Try a dummy
Try white noise
Consider expressing so he can have a bottle, my eldest would drink a big bottle of expressed milk then sleep for a long stretch, where as with a breastfeed he would snack and keep waking for more.

Definitely swaddle. You don’t need anything fancy just a blanket or big muslin cloth. Swaddle baby and rock to sleep and hopefully they’ll let you out them down.

Absolutely cosleeping - if you have a safe set-up, no smoking/drinking, baby wasn’t premature etc (look up safe sleep 7).

I genuinely don’t know how anyone copes without doing this! (Based on my experience of 1 specific baby 😂)

Bedsharing and breastfeeding in the side lying position were total game changers for us.

The Sleepyheads and baby “nests” generally are not safe for unsupervised / overnight sleep - please don’t do this OP.

Babies waking to breastfeed is normal and protective against SIDS!

I haven’t read about any deaths caused by the sleepyhead. The risk seems to be inferred because it isn’t flat. Parents being exhausted is a big risk factor for falling asleep on a sofa or in bed with them in an unsafe position. Of course babies waking for a feed is normal, but parents need to sleep as well. If that means they can get a 3 hours stretch once a night by giving one bottle then I’d say it’s worth it. OP sounds like she’s really struggling and I remember it well!

Sadly, it’s not inferred. Babies have died. Google will aid you.

Hello, I do feel for you it is so difficult I remember feeding baby and my husband calling my name because I had fell to sleep even though I thought I was wide awake but that’s how tired I was. We found the Moses basket was the only way she would sleep if not on one of us, with a white noise machine and a very dark room. These sleepless days will pass & congratulations 😊

Follow cosleeping guidelines and feed lying down.

It's ok for a baby to cry.

Make sure he's well fed, burped, clean and comfortable.

Make up the moses basket with a sheet that's been on you and a hot water bottle so it's warm and smells like you.

The put him in awake, but drowsy and sit close to the moses basket. Put a hand on his tummy and shush and gently rock him.

If he cries, that's fine. He isn't hungry, he isn't hurt, he hasn't been abandoned, you're actively comforting him. Eventually he will fall asleep in the moses basket.

A baby sling to carry baby during the day was a lifesaver for me. It gives you a hand free to do things like make a drink, sandwich etc. You can get very good at doing things one-handed.

Cosleeping also worked well for us. DH went into the spare room and I coslept with baby in a double bed. It gave us the room needed and a much better night's sleep.

It does get easier. You find your routine in time and what works for you.

Oh god this brings it back OP. My second was like this, absolutely would not entertain a cot or crib of any kind and would barely tolerate his father. He must have been the worst sleeping baby that ever existed. Co sleeping was the only way to survive. He’s almost 3 now and has still not slept through the night in his life and we still co sleep which was never in the plan but do you know what, we all sleep and I’m happy with the set up. Despite being objectively the worst sleeper by far out of my two iconically I was much better rested with him and his 30 minute way ups thanks to co sleeping than I was with my 3 hourly feeds child thanks to not having to ever leave the bed! Read up on co sleeping, if you’re nervous you could still do shifts but certainly set the bed up safely in case you unintentionally end up falling asleep.

Are you swaddling your baby? It can make a huge difference to how well they sleep? Can you afford a night nanny, even for one or two nights of respite abd to help you set things up? I co-slept with my second baby and it was an absolute dream compared to my first, when I was too worried to try it

Learn to feed lying down. Make the bed completely safe (no pillows or covers, just an empty bed-wear layers) and sleep while feeding. It is the only way.

The midwife wouldn’t let me go until I had mastered that, she was so right!

It is not forever and it won’t kill you, but it is quite hard for the first 6 weeks. Hang in there.

Another vote for cosleeping. Both my babies were breastfed but whilst the first was happy to go into the Next2Me crib, the second wanted full-body contact 24/7. I was so scared of cosleeping but got to the point where I was so tired I thought I was going to die. Cosleeping following safer sleep practices as per the Lullaby Trust changed everything and I actually look back to those days with fondness now. I loved it!

Once babies are around 3 months they sleep roughly 7 till 7 just waking briefly to be fed and only changed if dirty. So I would use this a your basis for sleeping. This way both you and your DH should get 6 hours each. If you keep everything dark and quiet it will help baby get into the idea of day and night.
I would also not try to do much in the day, just the bare essentials.
I would look into safe co sleeping as it really can be a life saver. The breast feeding mum has the instinct to protect the baby so DH has to go in the spare room. You put pillows under the sheet, duvet covering your legs tucked firmly at the bottom of the bed nd baby at the top. If you can get hold of an adult sized cellular blanket that is the safest thing to cover your top. Obviously no alcohol or drugs.

My babies were exclusively breastfed and would not sleep longer than 1 hour in a crib next to me. The only thing that worked for us was for the dad to get a full night sleep in a different room and I would cosleep with baby on the same firm mattress with no duvet. This way every one got plenty of sleep. I never put any lights on. Picked baby up who was right next to me as soon as he stirred so he never went into a crying fit as would then take longer to feed and be put back to sleep. I would keep myself in a semi sleep state so I could fall asleep straight away. This worked really well even if I had to breastfeed 4-5 times in the night, 10 minutes per session. I would sleep with the baby in the daytime too

This sounds more like reflux or silent reflux, my baby had this as well as allergies. I thought she was both clingy and nosy, the health visitor set me right and once we sorted it she could actually sleep and be comfortable. It’s really hard, hang on in there. Xx

My first was like this! My second slept like a log as soon as they popped out of the womb, so personalities do play a big role too.

Any advise I'd give is already covered, but just to say if co-sleeping gives you anxiety would you think about an owlet?

Will he sleep next to you in bed?
Co sleeping really isn’t dangerous if you follow the guidelines, much safer than falling asleep with him in your arms
Co sleeping and feeding lying down are essential for survival for the first weeks with a breastfed baby.
It’s very very normal for newborns not to want to sleep alone in a crib, and not go more than a couple of hours between feeds. You have to do everything you can to get through the sleep deprivation

Have you any family/friends you can invite round to hold baby for a bit to enable you to nap/shower/have half an hour to feel a bit more human?
Most people would be delighted to snuggle a little 1 week old baby!

Also OP, is baby warm enough? If only a little 5lb-er, plus it's been a real cold snap this week, I wonder if baby is fussing when not on you because they are really needing your body heat. Can you try adding an extra cellular blanket or vest? I found my babies really fussed a lot when they were just a bit cold and while you don't want to overheat them it has been chilly this week.

My daughter was similar actually, we found she did sleep better in a Moses basket rather than the next to me but she was still awake all night, she napped in the day in her Moses basket