Week old baby, won’t be put down, am exhausted!

[YourAquaHiker]

Hi,

looking for a bit of advice pleases I have a one week old newborn baby. He is perfect and we love him so much. However, he won’t tolerate being put down in his crib or really anywhere else. He wants to be in our arms constantly and will cry pretty much as soon as he is put down. I know this is very normal but we are absolutely exhausted and every night is a massive strain. We do shifts but because we are so tired we have fallen asleep with him on us before. This has now stopped as we know how dangerous it is but we really have no idea how we can get him to sleep (even just for 1 hour) in his own crib. I don’t know how long this can go on for as we are both so sleep deprived already.

It’s so tough! Do you have a Moses basket? Our daughter hated the crib/ next to me until she was a bit bigger

No we don’t have one yet, do you think it would be worth getting one? I should add as well, baby is very small. He was 5 pounds 7 ounces at birth

If you’re breastfeeding, try co-sleeping. Obviously read up on how to do that safely and follow guidelines. Co-sleeping allows for a lot more sleep for a BFing mum.
also- ask DH/ grandparents / friends to hold baby for 1-2 hours while you sleep. Baby needs feeding v regularly, but could possibly be distracted on a walk or a sleep by someone else. Baby also smells milk on you, so will potentially be least settled on you, although you’ll also be his favourite person ❤️

congratulations! And these days don’t last.

These days don’t last. Pop a rockit rockr on the Moses basket to provide some movement

roll up a cellular blanket and pop it under legs (no where near face obviously) so baby feels ‘cucooned’

breast or bottle feed lay down on a muslin, transfer into cot on the same muslin (smells and temperature will be the same)

It is normal for babies but not normal for adult humans and despite knowing it would happen, I was totally unprepared for how fucking awful it was getting no sleep.
Is it warm enough in the room? Is it equally as warm everywhere if you are moving rooms? Are you swaddling him?
You say you are doing shifts - how is that looking? Because you each need a decent chunk of sleep rather than cat naps or you'll never feel properly rested.
Google safe sleeping guidelines. My DC is much older now, but when she was new and I was in the same position, I slept in a sleeping bag so as not to have loose covers and because I cannot bear being uncovered when I sleep, but at least it meant I could lie down safely.
Congratulations on your new baby, it will get easier!

Thank you, I am BF but am so nervous about co sleeping

Yeah I feel very nervous about co sleeping :/ the shifts are changing every night but we are trying to get 3 hours in each. If baby needs feeding or if my husband gets too tired he will wake me up. If I get too tired I will wake him up. But it doesn’t really work very well, do you have any advice on shifts? And yeh I knew the newborn stage would be difficult but not this difficult :(

My advise for day time is get a sling and don’t feel guilty about sitting and cuddling baby doing nothing else (watch box sets/ audio books/ kindle)

for night time this newborn stage is the worst especially as often babies are awake so much in the night. Share the load with your partner as much as you as possible. Sleep when they have them/ use different rooms if necessary. I really struggled with Co sleeping too but had it set up for the nights when staying awake was impossible

It’s so hard OP, but these very early days will pass quickly. Prioritise sleep above all else - e.g don’t bother trying to have an evening with DH, just feed the baby and go to sleep at 7 or whatever to get your first little stretch in.

Agree with PP put him in a smaller bed for a bit, a Moses basket or we used the bassinet bit off the pram - ours liked being able to touch the sides, I think it’s less scary for them when first born. You could also try using a muslin you’ve had close to you or one of your t-shirts as a sheet for it so it smells like you, obviously making sure it’s safely tucked in and can’t come loose. Have you got a white noise machine and/ or a red light? Those might also help. For my winter newborn, keeping the cot warm with a hot water bottle helped transfer her too, I used to put it under our duvet in between wakes so it kept vaguely warm and put it in the cot while feeding her.

Finally it’s early days yet so you may not need to consider it yet, but I would say don’t be afraid of introducing one bottle at night so you can get a decent stretch of sleep. With my first I pushed on and was absolutely broken by 2.5 weeks so my husband gave one bottle of formulas at around 10 ish, I went to bed 8 ish after feeding and would then get about 4 hours and omg it was life changing. I know emotionally it can feel stressful to do that, but I don’t think I’d have carried on breastfeeding if I hadn’t done that. I then went back to exclusive breastfeeding when she was about 3 months because she was sleeping longer, but the one bottle a night was a huge help in those early weeks.

It’s a really difficult stage and all babies are different. My DD wouldn’t go in to her crib at all until she was 12 weeks old. We bottle fed so did shifts. How often is baby feeding in the night?

I second using a hot water bottle to warm his bed before transfer, we did this with DD1 who was a winter baby and who also hated being put down. It might also be worth trying a white noise machine. We’ve just been through a really rough patch (over a month) of awful sleep with DD2 who is now 7 months old and still sleeping in our room. We couldn’t get her into her cot at all, even if she was put down fast asleep after waiting for ages her eyes would ping open on transfer and her sleep was worse than when she was a newborn. I ended up holding her for hours at a time which wasn’t ideal as I was so tired. We ordered a white noise machine to try and on the second night sleep drastically improved. She is also noticeably calmer when the white noise is on. I didn’t want to resort to co- sleeping but things were getting a bit desperate, so I’m very glad that the white noise seems to have helped (Dream Egg, bought from Amazon). For context, DD2 is EBF. I’ve got nothing against co-sleeping but it’s just not for me, hence not wanting to go down that route. Hang in there, it will get better.

My baby is still like this at 13 weeks🥲 she goes to sleep at night in her next to me now, we found it easier to transition her at night by doing the same routine every evening, but in the day she refuses and will not be put down. I would invest in a sling as it’s the only way to get anything done, it’s a bit easier since she has longer wake windows too

its very tough but 3 months have gone so quickly, and one day she’ll have less naps which means I can put her down for longer haha.

What does baby sleep in? Our DD loved the love to dream swaddle bags because it kept her tight and safe. We also added a purFlo into the snuzpod and this was the game changer for us as it was so much more snug for DD and DS. It was the only way we got them from only sleeping on us and I swore by it That and putting a hot water bottle in there first so it wasn't freezing cold.

purflo.com/sleep-tight-baby-bed-minimal-grey/

I was coming on to say Purflo sleep tight baby bed. As PP said, it really is a game changer. Best money we spent. Also swaddles worked for us too. That really is the winning combo.

please don’t use a baby nest, it’s far more risky than cosleep. They are not advised for unsupervised sleep.
use a sling for the daytime, don’t even worry about putting them down in the day
cosleeping in a safe and planned set Up in much safer than falling asleep holding baby on a sofa.

Small babies like to be snug. Akin to the womb if you like. I kept my newborns in carry cots/moses baskets to start with, and swaddled or tightly tucked in enough to feel "held". After a few weeks I moved the carry cots to the crib, so they got used to that, but still in a smaller size sleeping zone.

Edited to add, I would never co-sleep either. Not comfortable doing that at all

3 hours isn’t enough although I appreciate you’re BF. Can you start shifts at 8pm - 1am and then 1am - 6am. Nap in the day if you can (I know that’s easier said than done though) you’ll only need to do the longer shifts a couple of times before you both feel much better and able to stay awake for ‘your shift’. We also had our babies in the swing chairs from the moment we got home to try get them used to them. We would hold them wrapped in a blanket then transfer them to the swing chair still laying on the blanket so the surface temperature didn’t change and shock them awake if that makes sense. Good luck and you have got this 💪

We worked in shifts too, but we extended them to 5-6 hours at a time so the other person could get a better chunk of sleep plus a shower to feel better. We used the carry cot attachment from the pram as it was a bit more enclosed, also used the pram in the living room so I could sit on the couch and rock with my foot. I also really wished we swaddled, the HV said it wasn’t recommended anymore and we dutifully took their advice but in hindsight our LO was dying to be swaddled.

Things that worked for us- white noise, swaddling and 1 bottle feed a night. I breastfed at all other times. DH did one or two feed in the evening which meant I could sleep for maybe 5 hours uninterrupted.

We got to this point and I found the only way to cope without accidentally falling asleep with him in our arms was to prop myself with my BBHugme pregnancy pillow so I couldn't move, with DS on my chest. Managed to catch some sleep. I figured this was much safer than accidentally falling asleep.

Also - here's the Lullaby safe sleep guidelines - it helps to create a safer environment if you do fall asleep accidentally in the early stages - removing the pillows and blankets etc. https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/safer-sleep-overview/
I remember my child only sleeping in my arms upright between 11 and 5 am and me binge watching medical dramas for 6 weeks. It's a bonkers period of time. It was better by 6 weeks old
I remember being so tired i nearly fell asleep on the toilet while holding my baby. I wouldn't breastfeed on a sofa or chair when i was really tired as they are much more risky to accidentally fall asleep in than being on a firm bed with no pillows around..
Also eat more trail mix- and try and remember to brush your teeth during this period

@Peonies12 the purFlo is licensed and approved for unsupervised overnight sleep, it is the only sleep nest that is.

Our local midwives now recommend co-sleeping for breastfed babies who won’t go to sleep in a cot. I was so grateful for the recommendation as it meant that we all of a sudden started getting more sleep! It makes sense really, as in cultures where breastfeeding is the norm, babies and mothers bed share as standard. It’s not even called cosleeping in those places - just ‘sleeping!’

Look up the Lullaby Trust and the safe sleep 7 and enjoy the sleep! 😊

Also - there’s no such thing as anything being ‘licensed’ for overnight sleep. It is dangerous to have muslins, soft toys and other items in a baby’s sleep space. Dockatots (as they are known in the US) have been associated with baby deaths, sadly.

Please don’t co sleep with such a tiny baby. Have you tried swaddling in a muslin/ think blanket. They like to feel cocooned.