so....what do you do if you put them to bed and they just get up again?

[Fillyjonk]

ds is nearly 5

he won't stay in his room without us

he is actually being a PITA at bedtime

Shall I bribe him?

(this is kind of my second thread here, I have my reasons for separate threads though, sorry)

ah ds does not have a ps

maybe i could give him one just to take it away again?

Put him back, over and over and over until he is so tired he stays put.

No bribes.

really?

even though that could take literally all night?

(he is quite persistant and will find this very funny)

ours can do what they like within reason so long as they stay upstairs. i can hear them now laughing their heads off (they are 5 and 4). so long as they don't wake dd1 up or come downstairs and bother us, i'm fine with it
extreme punishment if he comes downstairs - no cinema/macdonalds/new toy/party - whatever is his fave thing that month - usually works for our 5 year old.

Has he ever gone to sleep on his own?

If not, I guess whatever you do to change things will take a while.

I would put a gate on the door, tell him he can play quiety as long as I can't hear him, then go to bed, and if necessary sit outside his room sending him back repeatedly until he got the idea I was serious.

I can cope with most things during waking hours, but need an evening without children or my brain explodes.

I don't know, but my 16 month old who has discovered how to propel himself out of his cot this evening thinks he is marvellously clever and will not listen to reason.

Star chart?

Kind of bribing I suppose.

what happens if you take away his favourite thing, having explained previously that it is going to happen if he comes downstairs? or don't let him watch dr who or whatever it is he wants to do the next day etc? or make a big promise if he stays upstairs every night for a week - trip out or something? is he mature enough to reason with like that?

Gate on door a good idea.
My DD used to get out of bed all the time so I put a sleeping bag on floor by gate and carried her into bed once she was asleep.

Star chart if he goes to bed nicely and a treat at end of week if he does well.

I saw a programme once where the mum inched out of the room bit by bit over a period of time till their DS felt safe.

I suggest a stairgate in the doorway, then just let him get on with it. I bet once it stops being interesting he'll stop.

Cry?
Beg?

I don't know. Sorry My eldest 2 never stayed in bed unless we stayed with them. My DS#2 just got the hang of it for some reason.

I suppose it depends whether you want them in bed and preferably asleep, or just in their rooms not making life difficult. I always went for the second - so if they were in their rooms, not destroying anything or screeching then they could get up if they wanted to, ~Dd used to fall asleep on the floor and I used to go in and put her to bed.

The thing to remember is that in the blink of an eye they'll be 15 and you won't be able to get them OUT of bed for love nor money!

DD2 is at it tonight
We just keep putting her back to bed as boringly as poss. Only problem is she does it all in a very emotional-blackmaily way: comes down says "I just really need to give you a hug Mummy!" and it seems evil to turn her down

a star chart worked for my 4 year old. i know it is bribery & probably completely corrupt. but he is happy to stay put bedtime & in the morning (usually!)

Well, the one I use at the moment is "If you don't stay in your bed I won't have time to make your packed lunch and you will have to have school dinners."

I think you need a good pre-bedtime routine. I have two boys age 3 and 6. I have always kept to the same routine - even on holiday if possible. We finish dinner, go up for a bath, then three stories/poems (or more if they can talk me around), bedtime music on, lights out, and they sleep...... They both try it on occasionally - i'm not tired, etc, etc, but I'm always firm and say "listen to the music and you'll go to sleep" I used to put the gate on at the top of the stairs, but normally don't bother now. Children like routine so respond to it positively.

a solution

Are you putting him to bed too early?

Stairgate and let him potter?

Tape player with you reading his favourite stories on it?

Small night light?

And - how about shutting the door?!

oh yeah, forgot all that as well gagarin
we have a nightlight on plus endless cd's they can put on and listen to

DS2 is 5 in November. Until last week, either myself or DH lay with him until he fell asleep. Could be minutes or hours depending on how tired he was. Last week, I said to him "Now he was a big boy, he could fall asleep all by himself, like xxxxxx at nursery does!". OK he said. That night, I settled him down by giving him a big cuddle and lots of praise for being a clever boy. He did it! Stayed in bed and went to sleep alone! Happened every night since. Now, the next nut to crack is fixing the waking up over night. Oh and the waking up too early!

ah, see he would just OPEN the door

and he would make VERY short work of a stairgate (he is nearly 5, remember)

the trouble is, he doesn't watch enough tv to use it as a bribe/punishment (maybe an hour or two a month? I don't think he'd notice if we got rid of it, tbh)

all his toys are shared except his VERY special toys, like his doll, and I won't take that off him, its too important to him.

this has been brewing for a while, since dd2 was born really.

He is basically inching his bedtime back to about 9.30, which is just stupid, he sleeps in in the morning (HE'd so this is ok but a PITA as we want to go out)

Am incling t/w star charts.