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Original poster

12 week old will only sleep on me

31 replies

MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 07:02

My baby is 12 weeks old and will only sleep on me, day and night. I don't mind the daytime but at nught time I also need to sleep. She's EBF. I put her in the next2me and she wakes within minutes of me putting her down. She's in the deepest of sleeps when I do this too!

Before I put her down she's always got a clean nappy on and has been fed. I've tried warming the bed with a hot water bottle (which is removed before putting her down). I've tried putting her down bum first, swaddling (which she hates). I've even tried laying her on my dressing gown for a supervised daytime nap so she can still smell me. She will literally only sleep whilst being held. She doesn't go down any easier if she's had a nice bath either

I've also tried putting her down awake, and semi awake. Nothing works. My first daughter was a breeze when it came to sleep. I'm absolutely exhausted 😩

Please share any advice you have. I can't go on like this

Also just to note - co-sleeping is not possible. We're not comfortable with it but also we only have a standard double bed and there's barely any room for her to sleep safely with us

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BuffaloCauliflower · 27/12/2025 11:05

I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’m afraid the answer really is safe cosleeping (following safe sleep 7) as babies are born primed to stay close to us for their safety, more babies are like this than not. Could your partner sleep elsewhere to make more space for you and baby in the bed?

MadeForThis · 27/12/2025 11:07

Cosleeping was the only answer for us. Could your partner sleep elsewhere?

shivermetimbers77 · 27/12/2025 11:08

My baby was similar and we bought a co-sleeper attachment that went on the side of the bed and meant when he woke I was right next to him and could feed lying down and half asleep. Was a lifesaver.

SayWhatty · 27/12/2025 11:09

I was going to suggest cosleeping. Could you look into one of those cribs that open onto the side of the bed?

PaperAirplanesFlying · 27/12/2025 11:16

You must be exhausted! We had a similar issue and got round it by co sleeping, but I appreciate not everyone is comfortable with that. For us the 3-4ish month mark was when this started easing, and I started being able to put him down for naps, and by 5ish months he’d sleep (at least a decent chunk!) in his next to me at night. There were a few of us in my antenatal group who had velcro babies and it improved around the same time for the majority of us. For some sleep also improved once they can roll and safely sleep on their stomachs, which probably won’t be much longer for you now.

In the meantime is there anyone who can help? A partner who can maybe do one or two nights a week so you can get a decent sleep? Even if it’s bringing baby to you for feeds and then taking her away again to sleep.

Also I know you’ve mentioned the hot water bottle, but are you sure she’s not getting cold when you lie her down? I was definitely not putting my DS in enough layers (I was a bit paranoid about him overheating) and I do think the cold was definitely a factor in him waking!

Original poster
MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 16:29

BuffaloCauliflower · 27/12/2025 11:05

I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’m afraid the answer really is safe cosleeping (following safe sleep 7) as babies are born primed to stay close to us for their safety, more babies are like this than not. Could your partner sleep elsewhere to make more space for you and baby in the bed?

Thank you, i guess I'll have to do some research on safe co sleeping. My first daughter would sleep in the next2me no problem so I'm a bit uneducated in co sleeping. My husband would have to sleep on the sofa

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 16:32

MadeForThis · 27/12/2025 11:07

Cosleeping was the only answer for us. Could your partner sleep elsewhere?

Yes he would have to sleep on the sofa. I'm going to do some research on co sleeping, I never had to do it woth my other daughter

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 16:34

shivermetimbers77 · 27/12/2025 11:08

My baby was similar and we bought a co-sleeper attachment that went on the side of the bed and meant when he woke I was right next to him and could feed lying down and half asleep. Was a lifesaver.

Is this the same or similar as the next2me crib? She is right next to me whilst in that and I have the side down too. I try sleeping with my hand on her constantly so she can feel me touching her, it doesn't work though

OP posts:
Overthebow · 27/12/2025 16:35

Unfortunately some babies are like this, my dd was. She wasn’t ebf so we slept in shifts with my DH sleeping from 9pm to 2am and me 2pm to 7am. If your ebf could you pump and DH take a shift holding her and do a bottle for one of the wakes and therefore give you a chunk of sleep?

Original poster
MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 16:36

SayWhatty · 27/12/2025 11:09

I was going to suggest cosleeping. Could you look into one of those cribs that open onto the side of the bed?

Yes we have one of these. Its the chicco next2me. I have it right up to the bed with the side down so it's like an extension of our bed

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 16:44

PaperAirplanesFlying · 27/12/2025 11:16

You must be exhausted! We had a similar issue and got round it by co sleeping, but I appreciate not everyone is comfortable with that. For us the 3-4ish month mark was when this started easing, and I started being able to put him down for naps, and by 5ish months he’d sleep (at least a decent chunk!) in his next to me at night. There were a few of us in my antenatal group who had velcro babies and it improved around the same time for the majority of us. For some sleep also improved once they can roll and safely sleep on their stomachs, which probably won’t be much longer for you now.

In the meantime is there anyone who can help? A partner who can maybe do one or two nights a week so you can get a decent sleep? Even if it’s bringing baby to you for feeds and then taking her away again to sleep.

Also I know you’ve mentioned the hot water bottle, but are you sure she’s not getting cold when you lie her down? I was definitely not putting my DS in enough layers (I was a bit paranoid about him overheating) and I do think the cold was definitely a factor in him waking!

I'm going to look into co sleeping. I have fed her before and put her next to me in bed and she did the same thing she always does and woke up. She literally has to be on me to stay settled. So glad to hear that it shouldn't be too much longer until she starts settling a bit easier

I'm very lucky that my husband takes her downstairs to sleep occasionally. But he also starts work at 7.30am so during the week is a bit tricky.

I'm not sure if she's getting cold? She wears a vest, sleepsuit and 2.5tog sleeping bag. When i change her nappy her legs and body feel very toasty but her hands are cold? But then I read that cold hands doesn't mean they are actually cold? I usually put the sleepsuit cuffs over her hands just as a layer for her hands

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 16:46

Overthebow · 27/12/2025 16:35

Unfortunately some babies are like this, my dd was. She wasn’t ebf so we slept in shifts with my DH sleeping from 9pm to 2am and me 2pm to 7am. If your ebf could you pump and DH take a shift holding her and do a bottle for one of the wakes and therefore give you a chunk of sleep?

I would try this but she doesn't take to a bottle very well and gets in a bit of a state. My husband does occasionally take her to sleep downstairs and will bring her up to me for feeds. Would just be really nice to go to bed together

OP posts:
Clarehandaust · 27/12/2025 16:50

All of mine are grown adults now and they sleep in their own bed despite all of the terrible warnings I was given about having them in with me until they were 12 months old
It worked and it stopped me losing my mind

Clarehandaust · 27/12/2025 16:51

MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 16:46

I would try this but she doesn't take to a bottle very well and gets in a bit of a state. My husband does occasionally take her to sleep downstairs and will bring her up to me for feeds. Would just be really nice to go to bed together

Show quote history

When you say Takes her downstairs to sleep he’s not sleeping on the sofa. Is he with her? That is dangerous.

Original poster
MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 17:00

Clarehandaust · 27/12/2025 16:51

When you say Takes her downstairs to sleep he’s not sleeping on the sofa. Is he with her? That is dangerous.

Show quote history

No he doesn't sleep on the sofa with her definitely not. She has a bouncer which reclines that she settles in. That's the best we can do settling her without her sleeping on us

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 27/12/2025 17:02

MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 16:46

I would try this but she doesn't take to a bottle very well and gets in a bit of a state. My husband does occasionally take her to sleep downstairs and will bring her up to me for feeds. Would just be really nice to go to bed together

Show quote history

He’s not sleeping on the sofa with her on him is he? That’s one of the most unsafe things to do cosleeping - the vast majority of cosleeping deaths that get people worried about cosleeping can be easily attributed to unsafe practices such as alcohol, drugs or unsafe sleep surfaces/bedding. Remove these and cosleeping becomes very safe

Original poster
MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 18:57

BuffaloCauliflower · 27/12/2025 17:02

He’s not sleeping on the sofa with her on him is he? That’s one of the most unsafe things to do cosleeping - the vast majority of cosleeping deaths that get people worried about cosleeping can be easily attributed to unsafe practices such as alcohol, drugs or unsafe sleep surfaces/bedding. Remove these and cosleeping becomes very safe

Show quote history

He doesn't sleep with her on the sofa. The only thing we can get her to settle in is her bouncer in the reclined position

OP posts:
PaperAirplanesFlying · 27/12/2025 20:35

MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 16:44

I'm going to look into co sleeping. I have fed her before and put her next to me in bed and she did the same thing she always does and woke up. She literally has to be on me to stay settled. So glad to hear that it shouldn't be too much longer until she starts settling a bit easier

I'm very lucky that my husband takes her downstairs to sleep occasionally. But he also starts work at 7.30am so during the week is a bit tricky.

I'm not sure if she's getting cold? She wears a vest, sleepsuit and 2.5tog sleeping bag. When i change her nappy her legs and body feel very toasty but her hands are cold? But then I read that cold hands doesn't mean they are actually cold? I usually put the sleepsuit cuffs over her hands just as a layer for her hands

Show quote history

Ah to be fair that sounds like enough layers, unless your house is particularly cold!

You’ve probably found it already but this is the lullaby trust info on cosleeping: https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/baby-safety/safer-sleep-information/co-sleeping/. We’ve always followed the safe sleep 7 and I’ve felt ok doing it, but it’s not for everyone.

Hopefully this is just a phase and it passes quickly for you!

TheLette · 27/12/2025 20:42

Both my children were like this unfortunately. Refused any kind of cot and only wanted to sleep with me. My partner slept in the spare room most of the time. It may be worth investing in a spare bed or mattress if you have the funds and space, so that your partner can get a decent night sleep. Also definitely read up on safe sleeping guidelines and ensure the baby can't roll off the side of the bed. I can't remember what I did to avoid this - possibly a rolled up towel under the sheet? Or maybe they slept between me and the useless Next to Me cot. Again need to check that whatever solution you use is safe.

They both transitioned to their own beds absolutely fine when the time was right (I think around 12-18 months) and do not come into us until 6.30/7am now (they are 5 and 8). So don't worry about the long term effects.

Tammygirl12 · 27/12/2025 20:43

Co sleeping here too. I tried for 8 weeks to get baby to sleep in cot and finally co slept from 10 weeks onwards full time.

with baby 2 and baby 3 I just knew it’s what they wanted and did it from birth

Overthebow · 27/12/2025 20:59

MrsWilson18 · 27/12/2025 18:57

He doesn't sleep with her on the sofa. The only thing we can get her to settle in is her bouncer in the reclined position

Show quote history

He is watching her though the whole time she’s in the bouncer? And bot going to sleep? It is very unsafe for her to be in a bouncer unsupervised.

Peonies12 · 27/12/2025 22:12

Please please set up a safe cosleeping arrangement with you and baby in a double bed: your husband being on the sofa / baby in a bouncer is very dangerous. Babies shouldn’t sleep in bouncers. He needs to sleep alone on the sofa or get an air bed. Look at side lying breastfeeding; you can feed and baby fall asleep and you just go to sleep; it’s so easy. Your baby is totally normal, they want to be near you. And not to be negative but just expect it will take a while. We will still cosleep the last part of the night; baby is 14 months; otherwise she won’t resettle.

Supperlite · 27/12/2025 22:20

Sorry OP, co-sleeping is the answer. I did with both of mine. Bed guards on the bed to stop them from rolling off, partner sleeping elsewhere. At 6 months we used the Ferber method to sleep train in their own cot in their room. It was the only way. I still became very unwell from sleep deprivation, mostly with my second child. For me, I was aware I needed to try to get sleep so I wasn’t poorly and unable to care for my kids! It’s easy to run yourself into the ground at this stage.

Read the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine’s paper on cosleeping, it’s called protocol #6.

I also bought a special sleeping bag for cosleeping which made life a lot easier as I didn’t have to worry about bed covers and suffocation. Just google “adult sleeping bag with arms and legs” and find one you like.

Verathe · 31/12/2025 21:44

Sorry to jump in. Can I ask how does co sleeping make it easier? Does baby fall asleep quicker/longer?
thank you.

selondon28 · 31/12/2025 22:01

Cosleeping worked for me and my first too. It wasn’t something I was keen to do but it was the only way to get some sleep. However close she was to me with a next to me cot etc. nothing else worked. But we didn’t have to do it for ages, maybe 3 or 4 months. To answer the question of why it helps, the baby just wants to be next to a human in order to go to sleep and can latch on to feed. You can then go to sleep too as you’re not sitting up and worrying about falling asleep with her in a dangerous position or dropping her and then finding they wake up as soon as you’re done feeding and try to put them down somewhere.