12 week old will only sleep on me

[MrsWilson18]

My baby is 12 weeks old and will only sleep on me, day and night. I don't mind the daytime but at nught time I also need to sleep. She's EBF. I put her in the next2me and she wakes within minutes of me putting her down. She's in the deepest of sleeps when I do this too!

Before I put her down she's always got a clean nappy on and has been fed. I've tried warming the bed with a hot water bottle (which is removed before putting her down). I've tried putting her down bum first, swaddling (which she hates). I've even tried laying her on my dressing gown for a supervised daytime nap so she can still smell me. She will literally only sleep whilst being held. She doesn't go down any easier if she's had a nice bath either

I've also tried putting her down awake, and semi awake. Nothing works. My first daughter was a breeze when it came to sleep. I'm absolutely exhausted 😩

Please share any advice you have. I can't go on like this

Also just to note - co-sleeping is not possible. We're not comfortable with it but also we only have a standard double bed and there's barely any room for her to sleep safely with us

My daughter was like this. We also had a next to me and I didn’t want to do co-sleeping as I’m a really deep sleeper but it was the only way. Better to plan and do it safely than just fall asleep with her which you will eventually do from pure exhaustion. Could your partner sleep in a spare room for a while?

Thank you for answering my question. I formula feed. Not sure it works if baby isn’t breastfed

My first baby was like this. We tried co-sleeping but I didn’t sleep a wink, from worry about smothering her.

My HV was very supportive. She very nicely insisted that DD had to go in the cot next to me for safety reasons. She said to make sure DD was fed, changed, warm enough etc., and then put her down. She suggested white noise, to help her sleep. It was a miracle. The white noise helped us all to sleep.

My daughter wouldn't sleep in the next to me but we could get her to sleep in the pram, we think because the next to me was so big (relative to her size) whereas the pram was a lot more cocooned and far smaller so was cosier etc. Our pram bassinet was approved for overnight sleeping so it was safe to do this until she grew a bit. There are quite a few threads on here about the same issue.

Some people on those threads mentioned a sleep approved pillow/cushion/mattress or something that helps baby feel cosy and cocooned which might give you some relief. I didn't look into it myself so can't say if it's safe or not might be worth looking into if it is a possibility.

Also yes to white noise. We've been using the Serena Snufflepaw playlist on Spotify. It's classical music overlaid with white noise. It works a dream with both our babies and we still use it with my son who is almost three.

My babies slept with me until they were past toddlerhood but not actually on me. By the time they started school they were both in their own beds. I didn’t sleep deeply for several years as I was always aware of the baby, but I felt rested. The baby would feed at will all night on and off, lying next to me with a cot for the baby attached to the bed so there was space. DP kept furthest away from the baby and often didn’t sleep with us as I don’t think he would instinctively avoid rolling onto the baby. The baby and toddler would go to sleep when I did - I think that was an evolutionary thing - a baby dependent on an adult to protect it has more chance of survival if it is inactive when the mother is asleep. I could get them to sleep if I pretended to be asleep. My Thai relative said in her village the family women and girls sleep in one room on the floor and babies with the Mums. I didn’t have any alcohol at all for several years, I was lucky to take a full years mat leave with each baby born 2 years apart. The baby years are short and you have to find the best way through. I always followed co-sleeping advice.