2 hours trying to get my 4 YO to sleep!

[skullz87]

Why does it take 2 hours to get my 4 year old to sleep?!

After weening her off the iPad which she was a bit addicted to between ages 2-3 she now goes to sleep at the same time every night (8pm). Teeth, PJ’s, milk, potty, bed with a story read by myself, her dad or her Tony box.
This mostly seemed to work until 6 months ago. She seems wired and keeps getting out of bed asking for more stories. We happily read more but she does not settle and keeps getting up or playing with her toys so we only read a set amount as it’s was taking a massive chunk out of our evening, sometimes reading EVERY book she owns!
We tried giving the iPad back to just settle her before taking it away for bedtime but this makes little difference other then giving me 20/30 min of peace.
She has to get up early with me to go to nursery so I thought maybe she is not getting enough sleep resulting in making her over tired in the evening. So I started getting her to bed by 7.30 thinking the extra sleep might do her some good. Nope it still takes 1.5-2 hours to get her to sleep!

We warm her milk, use a soft red light in her room to smooth her, allow her some teddys to cuddle in bed, read stories with a soft quiet tone, rub her back and forehead, Even recently using Magnesium gummies and Rescue remedy night drops in her milk. Not sure it’s doing anything at this point.

I even tried classical music at one point.

The mad thing is the nursery staff can get her to sleep in 10min!! I’ve tried their techniques and it doesn’t seem to work that well for me.

I do suspect she might have ADHD which could be a factor but I don’t want to label her behaviour this early. She is test boundaries still.

I did concider that she might have anxiety about being on her own but this has never been an issue in the past.

has anyone had these issues and have a technique that worked well?

the frustration is causing me to get really ratty with her making me feel super guilty.

help me claim my evenings back.

My 5 year old doenst nap. Hasn’t napped since he turned 2.

He still takes around 1-2 hrs to fall asleep ( bedtime at 8pm, usually 9.30pm before he’s asleep. He’s awake by 6am)

I think he probably had adhd also if he was checked as never sits still all day and takes forever to settle

Seems really weird nursery want her napping. I'd be suspicious they're looking for an easier day if the children all sleep. Nursery should always be led by the parent.

I always told our nursery what we wanted and they always followed my lead.

The hour journey is annoying though, can you move her to a pre school/nursery nearer your home?

DD was only just four when she went to school, so perhaps a bit more advanced, but I would say start transitioning away from toddlerhood. No "extras". No naps. No milk, no potty, use the toilet, no patting or stroking. Just a good routine, dinner, bath, bed, story, walk away and shut the door. No getting out of bed unless to go to the loo. No coming downstairs.

👍🏻

Just to counter all the comments if your child does have adhd her sleep needs will be different - I speak as the mother of a 21yo who never napped or settled well in the evening and got a late adhd diagnosis this year! my other 2 kids both slept well.

Ds was never a good sleeper but we had boundaries at bed time so x number of stories and then listen to a story or he liked classic fm and cuddle up. However he also could quietly look at a book or play with his soft toys but he could not come down stairs or play up. He got really good at entertaining himself in this way and would fall asleep when ready. He still now needs less sleep than others. Definitely drop the nap and make sure she is really tired at the end of the day.

As others have said I'd definitely cut out the naps by 4 years old and keep awake on the journey from nursey. I had twins and my approach was a pretty strict routine with a time limit. So, bath, teeth, PJ’s, potty, bedtime story and cuddle by me or DH - but only one. Then leave. Turn out the light or have it so low it's pretty much dark. If they get out of bed then send back immediately and quietly. Don't engage. I used to say "Now it's sleep time, back to bed please" and send them back to bed to self settle. DH was much more involved and lenient and they used to play him up a lot so from experience kindness but no messing is essential.