2 hours trying to get my 4 YO to sleep!

[skullz87]

Why does it take 2 hours to get my 4 year old to sleep?!

After weening her off the iPad which she was a bit addicted to between ages 2-3 she now goes to sleep at the same time every night (8pm). Teeth, PJ’s, milk, potty, bed with a story read by myself, her dad or her Tony box.
This mostly seemed to work until 6 months ago. She seems wired and keeps getting out of bed asking for more stories. We happily read more but she does not settle and keeps getting up or playing with her toys so we only read a set amount as it’s was taking a massive chunk out of our evening, sometimes reading EVERY book she owns!
We tried giving the iPad back to just settle her before taking it away for bedtime but this makes little difference other then giving me 20/30 min of peace.
She has to get up early with me to go to nursery so I thought maybe she is not getting enough sleep resulting in making her over tired in the evening. So I started getting her to bed by 7.30 thinking the extra sleep might do her some good. Nope it still takes 1.5-2 hours to get her to sleep!

We warm her milk, use a soft red light in her room to smooth her, allow her some teddys to cuddle in bed, read stories with a soft quiet tone, rub her back and forehead, Even recently using Magnesium gummies and Rescue remedy night drops in her milk. Not sure it’s doing anything at this point.

I even tried classical music at one point.

The mad thing is the nursery staff can get her to sleep in 10min!! I’ve tried their techniques and it doesn’t seem to work that well for me.

I do suspect she might have ADHD which could be a factor but I don’t want to label her behaviour this early. She is test boundaries still.

I did concider that she might have anxiety about being on her own but this has never been an issue in the past.

has anyone had these issues and have a technique that worked well?

the frustration is causing me to get really ratty with her making me feel super guilty.

help me claim my evenings back.

You say the nursery staff can get her to sleep in 10 minutes - is she still napping? If so this probably needs to go.
I say this having just stopped my 3 year old napping for the same reason, not settling until 9pm some nights and up at 5:30! Since stopping the nap she’s out like a light within 10 minutes at 7pm. Even a 15 minute car nap sends bedtime a bit haywire with her now.

Napping at 4??? Stop this, it's too much

Yes I agree - ditch the nap.

Throw the iPad in the bin. You are creating an awful habit at far too young an age.

As others have said napping at 4 is far too old. That needs to stop too.

If you do both of those you should have no issues getting her to sleep straight through for something like 11 hours. 7.30 - 6.30 should be easily achievable.

Have you tried just leaving her; if she gets up, put her back to bed in a room that isn’t dark, but is dark enough for her to be unable to do anything too interesting. The only words you say are “It’s nighttime, go to sleep!”.
She’ll get the message eventually, but it will be hell for a new nights.
Also, stop the naps.

Stop the nap. My near 4 year old goes to sleep at 8 and he doesn't nap. He fully stopped napping at nursery soon after turning 3. I work in a nursery and we have no sleepers in the older part of preschool, they really don't need it. If it's taking that long for your child to fall asleep then they're not tired.

You said you read every book at one point but limit her to two stories. If she wants to play quietly in her room leave her to do that but you go downstairs.

So she gets out of bed to play/read more and you give her attention? Of course she keeps getting up…

I’ve found no TV during weekdays really helps with my 2 & 4 year old. They are asleep by 7 every night. No judgement on the iPad - mine have tablets but they are strictly special occasion items. Every day is just too excessive at age 4.

After stories, I would say to her she can have 30 minutes playing in her room but you will be downstairs doing boring jobs and when you come back up it’s lights off and into bed.

You don’t need to shame OP, she’s acknowledged it and taken it off her

Definitely no nap! Sorry but that's very obvious. They're not tired enough. I've never heard of a 4-year old regularly napping.

Thank you for all your kind feedback. I will action this asap.

As for your MellowPinkDeer, you are unhelpful and disrespectful. YOU DONT KNOW ME!
This platform it’s meant to be helpful forum for struggling parents, not a platform for unkind judgemental comments.

Thank you for your support custodyconfusion 🙌🏼

As for general guidelines, I looked up how much a four-year-old should sleep and it says 10-13 hours which is why I thought naps where still important as typically, my daughter doesn’t get that each night so I thought naps were still important to get the extra she is missing at night. Getting rid of naps at four-year-old was not obviously to me. As your comments have alluded if a four-year-old shouldn’t be napping at this age, I’m confused why my nursery are still getting her to nap each day. I will be speaking to them today.

The issue is the nap, not the iPad use. Loads of kids use screens and sleep fine.

You should find that without the nap, she will sleep more at night, as she will much tireder in the evening. But she could also be low sleep needs (i.e, only needs 10 hours total in 24 hours) in which case 7.30pm might be too early. Cut the nap, give it a few weeks, and if still struggling, try later bedtime. It shouldn't take more than 15-20 mins for them to fall asleep, more than that and they're just not tired enough.

its defo the nap. I’ve got a 3.5 year old who stopped napping last year and he sleeps for 12 hours a night.

if he naps - its absolute hell

ditch the nap and the ipad! DD started sleeping much better when she stopped napping. I panic when she drops off in the car now. We also have a really strict bedtime routine which definitely helped.

5pm dinner
6pm quiet play
6:30pm bath and pyjamas
7pm milk, story and cuddle
7:30pm lights out

She doesn’t watch any television at all after 5pm

Well if you haven’t specifically said to nursery that you want to stop the nap, they are probably still going along with it as it’s not their responsibility to decide when she’s done with it.

Mine is 4 and if he’s had a particularly full on couple of days or he’s under the weather he will sometimes still have a little snooze but he hasn’t napped at nursery for a long long time.

Bedtimes were a mess about until he adjusted. Now it’s 15 min playtime, tidy up, pjs, teeth, cuddle, 3 stories max. Leave to settle. He has a cuddly turtle thing that reflects ocean waves on the ceiling, and plays ocean music, he loves it and it’s very calming.

We don’t use IPad at all, it turns him into a monster. He is allowed a Julia Donaldson adaption or a calm episode of something.

Sorry not read it all but a 4 year shouldn't need a nap. Ditch it and see how bedtime improves. Guessing they've recently turned 4?

Thank you. I am doing that with immediate effect. Guidelines for this vary. I’m just surprised the nursery haven’t approached me yet about this as they are insistent, she naps with everyone else. 🤯
The other slight issue is I have an hour journey home after picking her up from the nursery and I know she will dose off. I will need to arm myself to keep her awake!
Thank you so much!

Yes she turned 4 last week