10 month old doesn’t sleep- at breaking point.

[exhausteddddd]

Sobbing writing this after another night of multiple wakeups. My 10 month old just doesn’t sleep. I cry about it every day, I am so so so tired. I don’t know what to do anymore, it’s effecting every aspect of my life. I wake up in the worst mood every morning I can’t enjoy anything anymore. He slept normally until he was 4 months. Then it just went tits up. Everyone said it was a regression but it’s been 6 fucking months.

I try my hardest, I take him out every day, he eats well, he has a bath, bottle, bed routine. He goes to sleep between 6:30-7. Then he’s up by 9. Then doesn’t sleep again till midnight. Then up at 2-3. Sometimes falls asleep until 4-5 if I’m lucky.

I’ve had no choice but to co sleep, I’m in agony. I wake up on about 30cm of the bed every night. In his wake windows he sits on me, pulls my hair out and hits my face etc. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve tried more feeds, less feeds, more changes.

controlled crying literally makes him scream until he’s sick. Waking everyone up (my 3.5 year old and husband who starts work at 2:30am). So I can’t even do that. I find myself downstairs with him just crying as he wrecks my living room in the middle of the night.

I love him so so much but I don’t know how much longer I can carry on. It’s stealing so much joy. He’s cranky and tired in the day and BARELY naps. I have to take him on a massive walk or drive to get him to sleep meaning I can’t even sleep when he does.

what the actual fuck do I do? It’s getting worse as he’s approaching 1 and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I’m so so miserable and turning into a shit mum because I’m debilitated by the lack of sleep. Is this even normal? Like is there something wrong with him? I don’t know where to turn 😭😭😭

When is his nap? Cut to one nap and make it earlier in the day. His current wake hours like my dd’s in the first few months.

Sounds hideous. What time/s does he nap in the day? Is he tired at 6.30?

@Girlygalhe has one nap about 11am if I take him on a drive or a walk and that’s it. I try for an afternoon nap and he just screams in his cot for an hour it’s horrific😭

@Waitaminutewheresmejumperhe’s exhausted at 6:30, but then still fights sleep some days?! I can’t work it out. I don’t know how he’s functioning. I’m so worried because it seems so abnormal to any other baby sleep I’ve ever known!😭

Step 1 urgently find someone responsible - partner/ family/ friend to take him for a night of a couple just to immediately give you a short break before you snap. Ideally you sleep in a different property to ensure you’re not switched on - you really need this!
Are there any activities he can do if he lies on his back and has for example play things above him in cot and nursery rhymes/ stories playing?

He doesn’t need afternoon naps and that’s why he’s crying. How long does he nap at 11am? Reduce this to an hour and he’ll be ready for bed at his usual bedtime or make the bedtime slightly later.

So he’s getting around 7 hours sleep per 24 hours? That is very low. I’d take him to the doctors to see if there’s anything underlying which is stopping him sleeping.

OP im in the same boat with a 6 month old. I haven't had any sleep. And need to be up for older DCs. Spoke to the HV she said well you cant force him to sleep and everything you are doing is right. Not sure what else I can do. I really feel your exhaustion.
Sending 💐

I definitely need someone to take him for a night. On my partners day off he will take him but as he’s in our bed it’s the same story. Just sits there pulling my hair and pushing off the bed. I’m going to beg my mum to have him for a night but she doesn’t really babysit 😭 so grim.

@Girlygal so he’s having approximately 1-1hr15 mins at 11am, then obviously not having anything in afternoon, just screaming if I try. He does show strong tiredness cues but then just bolts up. And he’s still sleeping like this at night? I don’t know how he’s managing to stay awake

@Overthebowthis is what I’m worried about. I did mention it to his HV at 9-12 month check and she just laughed and said “yep babies don’t sleep!” And I wanted to actually chuck her out of my house!! So she obviously thought it was normal but even for an adult this is low?!

Is he in pain? Any change when given calpol?

@Ooopsyididitso sorry you’re in the same situation, it’s truly horrible. I just can’t stop crying because I’m so tired. Feel awful on my toddler too because some days I can barely muster up a trip to the park 😭 I hope things get better for us both soon xx

I hope so too. Its horrible feeling like this.
We both need a decent sleep where nights dont just roll into the next day with no reset. 💐

Your DH needs to take a week off work and do every bedtime and every wake up. You stay at someone else’s house for the night. Is he having a bottle too close to bedtime? I’d also make the bedtime later if he’s waking at 9pm.

@WannabeMathematician I thought it was teething initially and do give teething gel/ anbesol if it appears that way. I hsve given him calpol a handful of times but more when he appeared actually unwell. But he’s slept like this every night for months so I don’t think any of it helps 😭

If you can afford it, I would highly recommend this lady

https://hushbabysleep.co.uk

I had such a bad 4 month sleep regression with my DS which I have no doubt would have gone on for months and months but she saved me. It was hard work but so so worth it when he went from waking every 45 mins to sleeping through the night in less than a month! It’s so bloody difficult, you aren’t doing anything wrong 💐

I had the exact same thing. It turned out that I was doing the first nap way too late. Now we do:

7am wake
9am nap
10am wake her up
2pm nap
3pm wake her up
7:30 bed

I didn't believe it could be as simple as small schedule changes but it was. We went from 5/6 wakes to 1/2. Occasionally, she even sleeps all the way through.

I strongly disagree with PP who said he only needs one nap of an hour at that age, this isn’t true for the vast majority of babies. It sounds like your little one is chronically over tired. The key thing is how are you getting him to sleep for naps and bed time? Controlled crying feels awful, so there are other more gentle ways to work towards self settling, and this will be the key thing that helps you. I cannot recommend enough the sleep consultant Hannah Love, she is an absolute miracle worker. She has a book which is fantastic (available on amazing), but if you can afford it, her sleep course comes with proper support from her. I think it is about £300. She also does a free sleep workshop with loads of tips. Basically her methods are to really gradually move from your ‘safe space’ towards self settling, so if right now you rock to sleep, you’d start just standing still for a few days. Then sitting still, then lying together, then lying further apart etc. There is still crying, but you aren’t just leaving the baby to sort themselves and it’s easier to feel in control of it. Working on naps first will really really help. If you can establish the right naps at the right times you’ll be able to move bed time later which will help. Independent sleep during the day is the key to independent sleep at night.

Honestly I understand the torture of sleep deprivation. And my best advice is spend as much money as you can afford on the right help. I promise Hannah is amazing. Also check out her Facebook community. (I have a 4 year old plus an 11 month old who is not a perfect sleeper by any means but is vastly improved from doing Hannah’s methods)

I agree that he definitely still needs two naps at 10 months old. The chronic overtiredness will be a big contributor.

It sounds like his sleep schedule is a bit messed up - and you’re in no way to blame for that because it’s absolutely horrible when they won’t sleep and it’s tempting to take any time they nap as a win. But sadly, this can gradually skew things and they end up being out of whack.

I agree with those saying he needs two naps, even if they’re short. I also think you should try putting him to bed a bit later. None of this can be changed overnight. It’s a slow process where you gradually shift things.

To give you an idea, at that age mine went to bed 8.30-9pm or so, depending on the child. They then sometimes woke fussing around 2am but usually went back to sleep. They slept until 6.30/7am, then had a shortish nap at 9.30/10am or so. This was an hour or less. Then they went down for their afternoon nap something like 1.30/2pm and slept a bit longer than the morning. They didn’t usually cry but if they did, I left them in their cot, going up to speak to them briefly if needed. They usually fell asleep but if they didn’t after 45 mins, I’d sometimes put them in the pushchair and go for a walk so they could doze.

I co-slept with one of mine but I found it often disturbed us both, so if you can stop that then that might help. You say he’s disturbing you but you also might be disturbing him. Moreover, I think having too much space can make some babies restless.

Choose one time period to sort and work on that. Keep your expectations low and build things gradually, taking any improvement as a win. It’s hard to see the way out when you’re stuck in a cycle of sleep deprivation, but there is one. Things will improve xx

What about a sleep nanny?

My friend had a baby like this. At weekends she left her husband to it and slept bundled up in the garage on a camp bed. Sounds utterly ridiculous but she got two guaranteed full undisturbed nights sleep every week.
Is he meeting all his milestones?

That sounds so tough - I’ve had bad sleepers, but nowhere near on this scale and that was hard enough.

Is there a possibility that he has an allergy, maybe CMPA? It sounds a little like he’s uncomfortable.

If you can, I would also look into getting some personalised support from a sleep consultant as a matter of urgency, they’re often worth their weight in gold and good at unpicking reasons behind sleep difficulties.

He is throwing up from controlled crying in the night? Is he actually vomitting food or just bile/milk? He shouldn’t have food in stomach hours after last meal, has he got digestive issues?

Just to give you hope, I had one that woke up every 45 minutes at that. It did get better and we all survived, even if Iam not sure how sometimes. From about 2.5 he went from maybe waking once to sleeping through every night deeply. He still needs less sleep than other kids and is always up early, but when asleep he stays there.

Sending lots of love but I agree that he sounds chronically overtired. I’d be trying to bring the morning nap earlier, then see if he’ll nap again. If not/if he’s screaming at 6pm, I’d be bringing bedtime earlier. I appreciate you’ve also got a toddler, so it’s easier said than done, but for now I would be ignoring the clock (you’re up all the time anyway, it can’t get worse) and trying to shorten wake windows and go by his cues. I had a nightmare few months with my daughter and it was bringing everything forward that really made a difference, especially in the short term.