10 month old doesn’t sleep- at breaking point.

[exhausteddddd]

Sobbing writing this after another night of multiple wakeups. My 10 month old just doesn’t sleep. I cry about it every day, I am so so so tired. I don’t know what to do anymore, it’s effecting every aspect of my life. I wake up in the worst mood every morning I can’t enjoy anything anymore. He slept normally until he was 4 months. Then it just went tits up. Everyone said it was a regression but it’s been 6 fucking months.

I try my hardest, I take him out every day, he eats well, he has a bath, bottle, bed routine. He goes to sleep between 6:30-7. Then he’s up by 9. Then doesn’t sleep again till midnight. Then up at 2-3. Sometimes falls asleep until 4-5 if I’m lucky.

I’ve had no choice but to co sleep, I’m in agony. I wake up on about 30cm of the bed every night. In his wake windows he sits on me, pulls my hair out and hits my face etc. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve tried more feeds, less feeds, more changes.

controlled crying literally makes him scream until he’s sick. Waking everyone up (my 3.5 year old and husband who starts work at 2:30am). So I can’t even do that. I find myself downstairs with him just crying as he wrecks my living room in the middle of the night.

I love him so so much but I don’t know how much longer I can carry on. It’s stealing so much joy. He’s cranky and tired in the day and BARELY naps. I have to take him on a massive walk or drive to get him to sleep meaning I can’t even sleep when he does.

what the actual fuck do I do? It’s getting worse as he’s approaching 1 and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I’m so so miserable and turning into a shit mum because I’m debilitated by the lack of sleep. Is this even normal? Like is there something wrong with him? I don’t know where to turn 😭😭😭

I'm so sorry, I've been there too, it really breaks you. Mine is 1 now and I've gone back to work. Sometimes he's up every hour and he's never slept through. It's so hard ! Try to be kind to yourself , it's so hard when you are exhausted, so try to breathe and get some outside air to help clear your head. I breastfeed mine and sometimes feel like I'm a prisoner to my tiny milk monster. But we can do this ! It won't be forever xxx

You have my sympathy, my eldest was a dreadful sleeper until she was almost 4.

Apparently iron deficiency can cause babies to wake like this so I think your first port of call is a GP appointment for a blood panel, explain you've tried everything else and your child is clearly tired but struggling to sleep and you're concerned as it's been ongoing for over 6 months as they'll inevitably try brush you off.

Agree with the suggestions so far, you need a night to sleep and get some rest , find someone you trust who can have him for 1 night and possibly a day too
He may be different for someone else and settle better
Usually babies and children act differently around the person who is their main carer, hes not yet 1 but that is you and he loves you and you do everything for him but you need a break
You cant carry on like this, speak to your health visitor first , she will have come across this before and be ready to help
I know how you feel my first child did not sleep at night till she was 6 years old!!!!! 6 bloody years of it and she slept in our bed as i just needed sleep it was awful but he wont always be like this , it will get better
Please get help your doing a brilliant job on no sleep but dont like it get to a point where you snap because you cant take any more

I had one like this - it was exhausting!

He was definitely only on one nap a day at 10 months - he would go down for an hour/90 mins straight after lunch (so at about 1pm). He dropped all naps at 18 months, andwas always up for the day at about 5 am, but his night time sleep did gradually improve at that time. He just didn't need the sleep.

He was in his own room - there is no way I could have co-slept.

One thing that does strike me is that you say he always wakes at about 2am and your DP works from 2.30 am. Could he be disturbing your little one as he gets ready to go to work?

I'd also make sure they're in a "nap environment" 15/30 mins prior to their naps. Make sure the room is dimly lit, little to no sound, read them a book, sing them a lullaby and put them in their sleep sack (if you use one). This will help them to recognise that they are going for a nap soon and gets them mentally prepared and used to consistency.

Mine was waking 2 hourly for a long time and I realised he didn't like being restricted under the blanket that was tucked under the sides of the mattress, so I transferred to a sleep sack and he wriggled his way up and down the cot which made him tired and worn out and he self settled. He much preferred the sleep sack.

When they're in a better place mentally, i also tried the 'power hour' where you keep them in their cot for at least one full hour a day (even if the nap only lasts half hour) so they get used to the cot being a safe space. Be present in the room once they're awake if you need to, put the washing away, change the bed, clean the windows etc so he knows your there and it's okay to be in his cot. This should help him be happier at nighttime if he wakes up xx

Is bedtime way too early? Maybe 8:30pm or similar would make more sense

I'd say one nap after lunch and a later bedtime so he's more tired to at least get you several hours sleep before he might wake 3/4

Does he have a dummy? I know so many will say oh don't do that etc. But sleep and your sanity is everything, I would try a dummy and attach them to https://www.sleepytot.co.uk/collections/sleepytot-bunnies
I am a Mum of 3 and it saved me sleep and sanity every time! I would also definitely get a sound.lullaby machine and every time he wakes, put it on.

I would be going to my parents/friends at least one night a week to sleep whilst his father looks after him.

So I have 5 kids and 4 out of 5 have been diagnosed with adhd and autism so the sleep is none existent I think I've had one night in 14 years of 10 hours sleep. My suggestion would be get hold of your health visitor and ask her to put you through to a night nurse. She will come out and see his routine what he likes what he dislikes.white noise has been my saviour like no joke I use white noise for everything lol. Also get onto your health visitor to get referred to a pediatrics do this now. Otherwise its a nightmare. I hope you get some sleep

I do feel for you. Dd1 was the same, she didn't sleep. Even if I held her she struggled, I could see how tired she was. I was so, so tired, I don't know how i managed to work etc. What actually made a noticeable difference (not a magic cure by any means but definitely resulted in longer stretches at night) was longer naps in the day. They can get so tired it's difficult for them to fall asleep then it all continues in a terrible cycle. Try getting him to nap earlier in the day then another after lunch. Even if its in an hour in the pushchair or napping on you.

You poor thing. I'm so sorry your HV was so crap. My second was a terrible sleeper, the HV referred me to the sleep nurse (I can't remember the exact title) and she made a plan with me. It was a form of gradual retreat, but involved keeping baby in the cot. I almost cracked a number of times but she phoned me regularly & helped me through it.

She is still not a great sleeper (5 years later!) But those early days were terrible.

Please do tell your HV that you are at breaking point.

Google wake windows for his age and follow the suggested nap times.

The wake window is not as big as you would think, and chances are he should be going down for a nap much earlier. Once you crack the naps the nights will follow, I promise.

I’ve been there, but if he is overtired his sleep will be horrific x

He sounds chronically overtired. What happens if you try for a first nap at ~9am?

I’d also see the GP to see if there’s anything medical going on, in case he’s in digestive pain from cows milk allergy or enlarged tonsils are causing sleep apnea or anything like that.

If you can afford a sleep consultant then do it. If not then ask to see a different health visitor, hopefully they’ll be more helpful and I think they should be able to refer you to a specialist nurse.

Do you have Facebook/instagram? If so search hannah love/sleep well with hannah she does free sleep courses. I did with my first at 18months as she only fed to sleep/woke sometimes every 1.5hrs etc. After 3 days course she stopped feeding to sleep and when she woke she began being able to self soothe. Shes 3 now and sleeps 12/13 hours, iv just started the course with my 7 month old. Oh and there is NO controlled crying!! The course is free so i 100% recommend looking her up. Feel free to message if you want to ask anything about it. I feel for you though. Sleep deprivation makes everything so much harder!

Hi I don't usually do this but I feel yout pain. Just out of curiosity you said he eats well but what are you feeding him? By 10 months all 3 of mine were on 3 meals a day for instance I used to give them for breakfast around 7am 1 weetabix with second phased (for hungry babies they were not allowed cows milk until they were 1) lunch 12.30ish i gave them picky bits like a sandwich with cut up carrots and cheese etc and for dinner at 5.30pm they had what we were eating just pulled up a bit. Inbetween they had fruit and small quantities of milk and of course cool boiled water. Then they would have a bath about 7pm by 8pm we would get there bottle of milk and take them to bed and read them a story. Always made sure there was at least 1 cuddly toy in the cot with them. Now before anyone is rude saying things have changed yes they might have but babies haven't and there is nothing wrong with my kids they are all healthy young adults

Controversial advice: would it be wrong to try a shot of antihistamine before bed to see if that keeps him drowsy? Just so you can get a nights solid sleep. Also have you tried hungry baby formula before bed? Some kids (and adults) like sleeping on a full tummy…

This is absolutely classic overtiredness. You need a proper sleep schedule. He isn’t getting nearly enough or napping at the right time. Getting out of the overtiredness is hard so you might need a week or so of forcing all the naps by movement (car/buggy) for every nap. Once the overtiredness is addressed then you can stop this and introduce sleep in more helpful places. But getting through the overtiredness and breaking that has to happen first.

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. I understand how tiring this could be. I have a 3 month and a 21 month old who sleeps very well but I'm still tired and a little sleep deprived. I can only imagine how challenging this is for you.

I agree with everyone who has said that your baby needs more sleep. I am mum of 4 with a nearly 16 year old, 13.5 year old, 21 month and a 3 month old. All 4 of them have always naturally slept well and I have always been really strict with my sleep routines.

Firstly, my 3 month old doesn't spend more than an hour awake at a time. For 10 month olds, I wouldn't allow them to be awake for more than 3-4 hours at a time.

For example, if my 10 month old woke up at 6am, I would be putting him for a nap between 9 and 10 am. If he wakes up at 11am, I would put him for a 2nd nap at 2 or 3pm latest then bedtime at 6 or 7pm. I would allow for 30 minutes on either side but no more than that.

I don't have a fixed time unless my baby sleeps and wakes at the same time every day. I actually count the hours and set my bedtimes based on that. This has always worked for me as it prevents my babies getting overtired. On the rare occasions when I'm unable to stick to these times, my baby became very fussy and difficult because of overtiredness.

Babies don't know that they are tired and need to sleep so they'll stay awake for as long as you allow to them to. They may eventually fall asleep but not all babies do.

I agree with the person who advised that gradually allowing your baby to self soothe will help. I don't rock or hold my baby for her to sleep. I place her in her crib and walk away. She sometimes makes sounds or fusses a bit but eventually settles. I sometimes use a cot mobile to play the same music each time my baby goes down to sleep and this helps to soothe her if she's fussy.

I only rock if we're away from home and she's refusing to settle. In situations like this, she fights and is hard to settle but I hold her close and firm against my body to comfort her and she eventually sleeps.

Babies / children thrive on the same routine each day. Try putting your baby in his own bed and stay in the room so that he can see you. Co-sleeping makes it harder. If he starts to cry, talk or sing but don't remove him from his bed (he will get used to you taking him out when he cries so he will keep doing it).

Try using a night light rather than having the room fully lit. Don't ever turn on the full light during bedtime. Keep the room nice and dim.

When he wakes up at those weird hours, don't take him up from his bed. Simply lie him down and say it's time to sleep. Night night. Things like that. Do all you can to avoid taking him out of bed.

Every child is different but young children are very difficult when they're over tired.

I also keep my baby's sleeping environment very quiet and free from distraction. My baby would be asleep upstairs while everyone else is downstairs. I use a baby monitor to check in. I try to keep all noise to a minimum.

My 3 month old sleeps through the night since 5 weeks old. All of my children slept through the night at a young age. I feed on demand when they're hungry and allow them to sleep as much as they need. I don't wake them up. I amend sleep times as necessary whether that's making them early or later.

Make your baby wake time windows shorter and encourage more sleep. It will be hard at first but will change if you stick to it. I have used these tips to help others as well.

I really do hope that things improve for you, your baby and family. Take care.

There is something medically wrong with that poor child. You need answers and you go to every specialist there is. Pediatrician here people complain of this all day long and don't take it seriously. Yours needs HELP yesterday. Lack of sleep can make you brak. Please push drs!!!!!

There's a book that saved my life through all the terrible sleeplessness- it's called Precious Little Sleep. It goes through several different sleep training methods (not all cry it out, some are more gentle methods) but it literally made me sane again.

He needs 2 naps a day. It's a myth that if they nap during the day they won't sleep at night, it actually helps them. My 7 month old woke at 6am today and he was back in bed by 8am. Maybe change up the routine of bedtime/nap time. Low soothing lights, story, bottle.
He may not be napping during the day because he's not with you. Could you both just go back to bed? You could both easy sleep 2 hrs on the afternoon. My friend does this x

this advice is dangerous.

Baby is only ten months and needs a clear sleep space. No toys.

My eldest DD was like this. Didn't nap at all, even as a newborn, she'd have maybe ten minutes. Then awake all day and on and off at night. She was admitted to hospital at three months old and the nurses had to take her off the ward and one of them walked her up and down all night in a pram (I was asleep on the ward and they couldn't wake me - no shit, I was exhausted!)

She never really improved sleepwise. It got better when she was old enough to stay in her room unsupervised. She taught herself to read at three and would surround herself with books all night, waking and sleeping. School helped a little but she would still be up late at night. She was diagnosed ADHD (possible AuDHD but they weren't certain) as an adult.

But she's fine. Very intelligent, has a job, owns a house, is getting married. Still doesn't sleep much. I know this is no help to you just now, but it might offer you a bit of hope. Some babies just really don't sleep (and yes, we tried EVERYTHING).