Baby sleep - help!

[KLH1986]

Hi all,

Since the end of August, my 5.5 month old boy has struggled with sleeping in his bed past 2am, rarely naps for longer than 90 minutes during the day and we are both so overtired its crazy. Has anyone else experienced this?

After speaking with the HVs, I’ve tried a couple of different things, but the situation is getting worse not better and I’m at my wits end.

we’ve used white noise since birth as our 6yr old still loves this for his own bedtime. And our youngest was sleeping 3-4hrs stretches until the end of August; this even includes having been on holiday (within the UK) too.

I’ve patted and shushed him to sleep for around 3 weeks, whilst making bedtime as boring as possible with dark room, no story and just a bottle. He goes to sleep but will not tolerate this during the night.

I’ve tried leaving the room and returning to calm at intervals. Again this works at bedtime but the only way to calm him is to pick him up. It has worked for one whole night only; baby was sucking finger to settle when he woke up, he woke up calm and chatting in the morning rather than the now normal screaming.

I’ve tried small amounts of mashed banana as HV advised they contain melatonin. Worst night of all.

I’ve also tried laying him next to me on the bed and he won’t settle there either.

At this point, because he won’t sleep in his bed past 2-3am with several wake ups between 10/11 until then, I’m worried I’ll fall asleep with him on my, and end up getting up around 4am. At which point baby sleeps on me until 7/7.30 (basically whenever our oldest gets up 😂) It’s not sustainable and I worry our older son is suffering for mine and his dad’s lack of sleep.

baby refuses 9/10 to sleep in his cot for naps too and in the rare occasion he does, it lasts for a max of 20 minutes. , won’t settle on dad very often so it feels like I’m holding him all day and night.

baby was in a Moses basket until we went ok holiday, where he went into our travel cot. He was happy to sleep in that until the end of August, at which point he and I started sleeping in his bedroom as we wondered if the travel cot moved too much and woke him up.

any suggestions would be welcome!

Can you safely bedshare? Lullaby trust has good advice on how to do it. Mine woke every 1.5 hours minimum so I wouldn't have had any sleep if I hadn't.
Also your HV should never have advised early weaning, that is terrible advice that they aren't qualified to give.

It's definitely hunger related, my boys were both the same and in my opinion they need food just before they hit the 6 month mark. Try some simple old fashioned baby porridge, which is super gentle and works brilliantly at offering a slower release of energy and keeping them feeling full for longer in the night. When we were all babies we were weaned at 4-months and boys get hungry for sure before 6-mths.

Once you've ticked that box, cuddle and sleep together. He's a tiny human who just needs some love and comfort in the night, these days will pass in the blink of an eye and snuggling him in to you rather than enduring hours of screaming will be something you look back on with love and pride.

Even if you don't feel as though you're sleeping deeply with him alongside you, you're resting and recuperating and you can do this... it won't last for ever. Pacing the house, listening to crying and feeling stressed won't help any of you!

Good luck!

I would be bed sharing. Especially when still this young . Purely because if he will sleep next to you then its better than not sleeping at all. I have bed shared with all of mine until theyre old enough to understand what I am saying . Currently bed sharing with 4 week old who does not seem to sleep at all and I dont know how I am functioning.

Where is the early weaning the child is 5.5 months old..can wean from whenever the baby is ready fgs ..

Hes definitely hungry,I'm surprised he's not on solids already..he's 5.5 months old ? If you're saying they suggest 6 months that's madness surely you know if your child is hungry or not,baby porridge or rice before bed and purees during the day ..

Take the 'definitely hungry' comments with a pinch of salt. You know your baby, but there is research against weaning before 6 months as I'm sure you know. Fruit puree is just sugar and baby porridge has zero nutritional value.

Look into co-sleeping safely, especially if you're breastfeeding.

It sounds normal to me though, sleep changes through the first couple of years. I hate the phrase 'it's just a phase' but it is kind of true!

Edit: Sorry, I know how incredibly hard night wakes are. I wish I had something more constructive to add than the below.

Your situation sounds like a wonderful dream to me 😅. My 9 month old has never slept in a cot, just screams if put in it. I have to co-sleep or I'd get no sleep at all, but co-sleeping is awfully uncomfortable. She wakes every few hours, 2 or 3 maybe? I've stopped tracking it for my own sanity.

During the day she will only sleep for 30 minutes and that's only in the moving pram or in the bed beside me.

If she slept in a cot until 2am I'd jump for joy and if she slept for 90 minutes during the day in a cot I'd think all my Christmases had come at once 😂.

Clearly I have no advice but I think it's quite normal (I know that's not helpful).

Also, all these people confidentially telling you he's hungry, I weaned mine at 5.5 months. 3 meals a day almost immediately because she eats for Ireland. She is not hungry. Still doesn't sleep.

Get baby in bed with you. If baby will fall asleep on your chest then they should be settled (if you're already there and they don't wake up fully) by just being pulled into you for a cuddle in the same bed.

At 6 months our DD was in a cot but kept waking herself up rolling over and whacking something (an arm, leg, head etc...) on the bars. We moved her into a small double with high bed guards and its been a game changer. She mostly sleeps in it on her own (and moves all over the place!) but if she's having a disturbed night then one of us just gets in her bed and sleeps with her.

Sorry this sounds tough! I’d look in to sleep pressure and sleep needs - eg are they on the lower end? You may just be trying for too much sleep. Don’t worry about not engaging with your baby, cuddles them, look them in the eye and love them - they need to feel safe and secure to build confidence for sleeping and general mental development.

also meant to say, like others have said ditch the cot if that works for you, we also moved to a floor bed with room for us and the baby and worked really well. Also naps on the go, carrier, pram - whatever works and try not to worry about how long they are. Naps are to just keep on top of sleep pressure so they don’t need to be hours and hours

That's dangerous advice. They need to be at least six months and sitting up unaided, no tongue thrust response etc.. Otherwise there's a risk of digestive issues as an adult. You definitely can't just wean from whenever 🙄

OP please don’t listen to people who clearly have no knowledge of the subject matter. If your baby cannot sit up unaided then please don’t start giving him solids. If he’s ’definitively hungry’ he would be settled with milk.

NHS advice is start at around 6 months old, which 5.5 months is, it’s not at least 6 months. Sitting up unaided is a 9 month milestone so you don’t need to wait for that either, they just need able to stay in a sitting position but supported e.g. in a high chair is fine.

Introducing solids is a decent suggestion from the HV. But since it’s new to them and you don’t know what they’ll get on with I’d probably give new foods at lunchtime first rather than dinner in case they cause a tummy ache.

OP I’d also look at the nap routine. The 2,3,4 schedule (google it) works well for a lot of babies from around 6 months. Cosleeping done safely is fine. You can also consider sleep training from this age but I know that’s not for everyone- it’s an option though if you don’t get on with cosleeping. And 90 minute naps are fine. Ideally you’d get 2 hours after lunch but it’s not shockingly short or anything.

Please give over.. I've raised 4 healthy children and I now have 2 grandchildren..stop talking out your arse please..stop going by books and at 5.5 month if your child can't sit unaided I'd be seeking medical advice also ffs

Thank you for confirming that you have no idea what you’re talking about

Yep, perfect example of why it's best to ignore your "advice". By chance, you got away with your parenting. Others won't. So best keep quiet ay.

Is baby teething. My little one starting teething around 4 months and has woken more often since. I haven't sleep trained at all but it gets easier as they get older. You get a few days where they sleep better and you think fab we're through it and then its off again. They're teeth are always moving so can cause pain and that pain is worse at night. Our LG sleeps better when we give her calpol at bedtime. Its something I didn't want to make a habit of but till her teeth are all through then I will.

This sounds normal to me. I was told he was just hungry, and really pressured to feed him things like baby porridge and baby rice which just fills their tiny tummies but provides virtually no nutrition. we started weaning at 6m anyway and nothing changed. Babies like to be near their mum. I think it’s a very western idea that they should be sleeping in their bed by themselves and sleeping through. Try cosleeping if you can

I think you've just forgotten. Babies need to be able to sit supported to wean, which most can by 6 months. Some can sit unaided, but far from the majority and it's not a cause for concern if they can't.

Actually they don’t need to be sitting up unaided- many babies aren’t by six months- just able to comfortably sit supported.

Hi OP, safely bed share if you can. I had to with EBF DD2 - I used a little clip which went on her nappy called SNUZA. It just put my mind at rest with her being in the same bed as me as it would alert if baby's breathing was reduced/stopped. It only ever went off a couple of times and that's when she got bigger and knocked it off by moving around a lot but it didn't wake her, only me and DH!

Like others have said time to start weaning. Is moving him in to your room an option? Every baby is different but it seems the sleep regression hit when he moved rooms.

Our bed is quite high so it could only be a short term solution, we also don’t have a spare bed for my other half to sleep separately on a longer term basis (we have a taller inflatable mattress we’re using at the moment in our baby’s room).

I wasn’t convinced with early weaning either, however our baby had quite bad reflux as a newborn and a different HV said that for those with severe reflux, weaning at 4 months on smooth purées only had been found to help as the saliva coats the oesophagus which reduces the acid. Luckily we didn’t need it but it was something I hadn’t thought of!

Thank you everyone for your suggestions, I realised in my sleep deprived state when I originally posted some things were unclear 😂

our baby was in our room until we moved him out of the travel cot into his main cot - the sleep regression hit the week before schools went back and it was was easier for me to move into his room than dismantle the cot into our room 🥴

I have tried bed sharing but he would not settle next to me, nor with just a cuddle. My older boy also still comes in during the night and I worry he would accidentally climb on him - even if told he was there.

his naps total 90 minutes per day, rather than a solid block of 90 minutes…I would absolutely be using that time to nap otherwise 😂

I did call the health visitors again today and they’ve recommended getting a GP appt as the lady thought he sounded symptomatic of silent reflux which was a concern raised at his 5day weighing too. The GP at the time advised to leave it be and see if he grew out of it. We’ve not had any problems since then, but they could have resurfaced with the larger milk feed he has (120-160ml) before bed. I’ve tried moving this from just before, to 30-60 minutes before bed without any change. He stays awake for the bottle and wont take anymore once full.

my older boy was a ‘terrible’ sleeper from birth, but got more settled around the 6month mark and only slept through the night once he started nursery at 1.

I know waking is normal but I worry he’s not getting enough sleep in a 24hr period and is becoming chronically overtired!

Oh bless you @mellypippa, why do you think your ‘opinion’ carries more weight than huge scientifically controlled studies that clearly demonstrate that babies are not ready for solids before 6 months and giving them can be harmful? Also porridge is not nutritionally dense food, and solids have been shown not to improve sleep. A hungry 5 month old baby just needs more milk.

@KLH1986 Please look into safe cosleeping, there is a growth spurt around 5 months that can disrupt sleep so make sure he’s getting enough milk, and report your HV for advising solids before 6 months.

Thanks for the updates, I'm not surprised you're sleep deprived!!

My eldest had silent reflux, they should be telling you to breastfeed more, not early weaning. Breastfeeding little and often also helps saliva to wash the acid down and soothe their throats.

Also, be prepared for weaning to make it much much worse before it improves, that was our experience with silent reflux.

Can you bedshare for daytime naps? Then at least both of get some rest in the day?