When can babies fall asleep on their own? Without sleep training.

[WatermelonsDownByTheBay]

Firstly just want to say I ideally dont want to sleep train. So asking for responses that dont point to that. 😊

My baby is 5 months and we've been rocking/bouncing him to sleep for a while now. During the night, he can sleep stretches of up to 7 hours, so he's usually able to link sleep cycles. Usually though does about 3h, wake up to feed, then another stretch or 2 of sleep until morning. He can also sometimes self soothe once he's woken in the night, but not every time. He's doing really well as he didn't sleep as much as this before. 😊

I'm just wondering when babies learn to be able to fall asleep independently? Without sleep training. And how do you know they're ready to not be rocked/bounced/etc to sleep anymore, and would just rather be put down?

He probably just likes the closeness of rocking have you tried putting him down and just patting him put some music on so he drifts off, in my limited experience of 2 babies one was 3 the other was 7 months.

@Coffeeishot Yes he does love the cuddles. 🥰 I don't mind it now, but I'm quite petite and dont think I can do it for too long.
Tbh I'm quite scared to try, I have an anxiety around naps. I'm worried about him getting so upset or waking up too much to have the nap.

Mine did at 10 months and began sleeping through (still EBF)
now 13m and he is difficult to get to sleep but still sleeps through the night - this is new though with the settling and I think it’s separation anxiety

Put him in his crib and just sit with him nice gentle sushing and patting you can try during the day put down/pick up and see how he goes. My eldest needed someone near till she was 2 after that i left her with a book "to read " my youngest managed at around 7 months but I was always there to settle, I have a back issue so I couldn't really rock for very long.

@justnottinghill That's great 😊 mines EBF too. I like hearing about breastfed babies who sleep through the night, as soo many people think they need formula to. 😒

How did you both start knowing you could put them down? I'm genuinely so anxious about doing this when the time comes. 🤦🏻‍♀️

DD1 we did some gentle sleep training (ie we didnt leave her to cry) and although she slept through from 10months, she needed rocking and white noise to fall asleep at the start of the night until she was about 3y.

DD2 woke up multiple times a night until 15m. We did no sleep training at all with her (but we did cosleep). She is 18m now and will sleep through the night but still needs cuddles and white noise to get off at the start of the night.

I don't think there is anyway to see if they will settle on their own, maybe if you see them getting sleepy put them down,

I don't think there's a set age where they just do it - I know people who are still having to lie with their primary school age children at bedtime.

I just want to say it is ok for babies to cry or grump a little bit as they settle to sleep.

My 5 month old doesn't sleep through in any way, but I can tell if he can go back to sleep by himself. If it's just a little bit of grumbling he'll go back to sleep by massaging his hands or rubbing his back. If I try to feed him in that state, he falls asleep on my breast within a minute or so. We learnt by trial and error, trying to get him back to sleep before picking up and feeding. The worst that happens is he didn't go back to sleep and I have to feed him. He can't really link sleep cycles on his own yet though, so we go through it every 2h which gives us a lot of practice!

I’ve got 3 kids and the one I didn’t sleep train was able to go to sleep on his own when he was 5. Years, not months. The others did it fairly consistently from about 8 months.

Never sleep trained mine but nor did we ever rock or bounce them at bed time. So it was the norm to just be put in their cot to sleep in a sleeping bag. They slept through really early on. I think bottle feeding makes this easier tbh.

Different for each baby! Always give the opportunity to do so and trying to have a consistent pre nap routine so they know what’s coming helps massively.

Our nearly eight-month old is very good at going to sleep. We have a bedtime routine, supper, brush teeth, change and put her into sleep bag then the last bottle of the day and we put her in her cot after that. Sometimes she'll settle immediately, other times one of us will sit by the cot with our hand on her chest and sing to her till she settles. She's very good at letting us know when she's ready for us to leave her. She rolls away from us which is her way of telling us we are dismissed! We try not to say this too often in public because of how annoying it can be for other parents to hear, but she's been a brilliant sleeper since about three or four months.
She now regularly manages ten or sometimes even twelve hours. She might wake up a couple of times a night, but that's usually because she wants her dummy putting back in and, once we've done that, she goes straight back to sleep without needing any soothing. She seems to sleep much better now that she's eating three fairly good meals a day and no longer wants a bottle in the night. I think the fact that she is currently extremely active during waking hours, crawling about and getting into all kinds of mischief, has helped since she's tired out by the time bedtime arrives! We've done no sleep training with her, she's our first and we were pretty clueless about parenting so had to learn on the job, so we can't take credit for her excellent sleeping, we're just very lucky, sorry I can't give any tips, but just to let you know it's definitely possible!
We had to move our baby into her big crib in her own room two weeks ago as she kept trying to stand up using the sides of her Next To Me crib in our room, basically hanging over the sides of it, so it soon became obvious that she had outgrown it! We didn't want to move her into her own room so early but her big cot just wouldn't fit in our room so our decision was made for us. I have to say that moving her into her own room has been great for all of us. She seems really contented being put in their at night and is sleeping even better, possibly since we aren't disturbing her by getting up to go to the toilet or by snoring! It's been good for my husband and I too as we're able to move around our room normally again, have conversations above a whisper. Plus the baby monitor is really sensitive so we can hear her every move! She's still using her cot bars to stand up, like every other vaguely appropriate object in our house since that's her current obsession, but it's a high-sided Ikea one so no worries about her climbing out! Good luck!

The ship has sailed, but the trick is to put down awake from birth. I'm so surprised people aren't told this in antenatal classes! All 3 of our kids self-settled almost immediately, so we've never rocked or bounced to sleep.
In the night if they wake, go in, pick-up, brief cuddle, back down. And repeat. Don't turn on lights or make eye contact (ie aim to be boring). They soon get message that you're close-by, but it's sleeptime and not playtime!

Four and five months reliably. Just put them down and left them. They were ff by then. Own rooms. Never ever co slept. I went back to work at this point and have no memories of doing so on disturbed sleep (barring illness), albeit this was over 20 years ago.

Bullshit, you clearly just have good sleep genes!

It is just my experience, 3 times over, but indeed it could also be partly good luck! I'm not saying they never cry if they are ill etc, but bedtimes are really straightforward in our house.

Not really. It's not how they're fed how well they sleep.

3 kids.

1. Slept from 11 week breastfed.
2. Slept from 9 months breastfed
3. Good sleeper from start. Was breastfed but now formula (allergy)

I think it’s to do with sleep associations, so you LO associates being rocked/bounced as a signal to settle down to sleep. If he’s getting a bit heavy I’d try and introduce a different sleep association like patting his back or some form of white noise. It might take a week or so and be rough settling him for a few days but it’s worth cracking it now rather than another 6 months down the line imo.

All three of mine have self settled since birth, 2 with a bit of white noise and 1 with my hand on his chest for a minute or two but I was over cautious of not starting sleep associations I would want to change later down the line on my sisters advice!

Age 4 and I’m still waiting 😅

I think it depends on the temperament of the baby. I have 3 DC, all adults now but all learned to sleep on their own, in their own rooms after first 7-8 months in a bedroom with DH and me. I always had blackout blinds at windows in bedrooms and they usually were put to nap in their cot or sometimes fell asleep in their very large prams when I pushed them along. I put them in cot, played music lullaby and left them. They went to sleep usually in minutes. I always made sure they got plenty of fresh air which makes babies sleepy and had milk before their nap. I know I was probably very lucky with my babies sleeping do well.

I'm reading this sat next to my 11 year olds bed... but at around 4/5 mine have been happy to just be left. This one's the youngest, so gets indulged and I enjoy our chats as she dozes off.

I followed all the advice about not creating sleep associations, putting down drowsy, etc, and it worked brilliantly. He closed his eyes and went to sleep in moments. Until my son was 7 months, then for no reason he didn't, and he needed rocking. Then he got too heavy about 18 months so we started lying in his bed cuddling. Then we could sit next to his bed holding hands from 2. We do this still at 3.5 and I suspect will be for years. Can't see the rush to leave tbh. 10 mins in the dark holding his hand, it's not a big deal.
My point is, it's absolutely dependent on the child and it really is something you either get lucky with or don't. Sleep isn't a linear progression towards sleeping through. There are ups and downs all the way through.
Op, try putting baby down, but don't stress yourselves out thinking independent settling is some kind of goal. Enjoy these short years with your little baby cuddling.

@HiCandles that is a lovely way of putting it, it isn't a huge deal at all, my Dd is 31 and back then it was all routine routine rod for your own back.blah blah because I was still setting her at 2. but I.just felt she needed it to feel secure to fall asleep and it wasn't a big deal.
She is a grown woman with a husband and a career I don't think sitting by her bed affected her in the slightest.