Did sleep training work for you?

[Sayshesheshe]

And if so which method?

I never thought I would but with an 8 month old who wakes every 1-2 hours overnight I’m on my knees with exhaustion and would like a solution so sleep training feels like it has to happen but I’m not really sure where to start.

I think it will depend on your child’s temperament. From my friends who have done it it’s worked for some and not for others. Generally if you can set up a consistent routine and stick to it the sleep tends to work itself out eventually. How long this takes will be different for every baby! Some are magic and sleep through from the start, but most are up and down until they’re older.

I’ve looked at different sleep training methods for DC2 hoping to find a magic solution, but in general they all say get into a routine, then settle them in the cot before leaving them to winge for a period of time before you go back in and check them. Then repeat. Theres no way this would work for him as he goes from 0-100 in a split second.

If you want to give it a go Just Chill Mama on Instagram has some information on it all. Good luck!

Yes. We used Sleepsense and it was brilliant. My daughter still has really good sleep health as a teenager.

When I did it, we were desperate with a baby who woke up every hour..
I spoke to a few and it was all a form of getting them to cry themselves to sleep. I stuck to it and eventually dd became an excellent sleeper however now as a tween, she isn't such a good sleeper.

What’s your current sleeping arrangement?

I’d set up a side car cot.

She’s been in her own room for a couple of weeks and outgrew her next to me so I’m loathe to get a new cot. Co sleeping makes no difference and if anything is worse.

“Sleep training” doesn’t teach your baby to sleep, or self-soothe, it simply teaches babies that when they cry, no one responds, so they stop crying and go into a state of learned helplessness, and stress shut down.

have a look at Elizabeth Pantley’s ‘No Cry Sleep Solution’

That is only one version of sleep training

following with interest, I have an 11 month old who has suddenly become a shocking sleeper, only wants me and acts like hes been murdered if I try settle him in the cot so you have my upmost sympathy!

Yes, worked on my own children and lots of other babies I've nannied.
Basically add some sleep associations that are independent of you and do pick up put down along with ssh-patting in the cot.

Absolutely did not work.
Up every 2 hours for just over a year (3 months of that every 45 minutes) until fully weaned.
Same for number 2

Lucy Wolfe's sleep training method worked for us. And continues to over 2 years on. Seriously consider that one, I'd recommend her every time.

Worked great for me with both DC. I made sure they had special comforters for bed, did the same routine every night, and woke them every morning at 7am, regardless. Never did cry it out, just gentle sleep training x

My eldest was a nightmare, he didn’t sleep through the night for the first time until he was four. Nothing worked. With my second two, from the day they were born I’d feed, change and wind them and put them straight down. They never cried and would go straight to sleep.

This is an important point.
Just 'sleep training' in isolation doesn't work, you have to consider the big picture.
Good day time routine for naps & feeds
Bedtime routine
Comforters/sleep cues
Self-settling
Night weaning

My first daughter slept so much we was referred to hospital for testing even now aged 19 she can sleep on a knife edge if she’s that tired. My middle daughter, well if she had come first she would have been an only child for sure. A nap of 10 minutes would be enough for her to survive a whole day and night. We didn’t sleep for the first 14 months of her life and if we did it was up down up down. We tried cranial osteoathy in the end when I fell pregnant with our third and realised we had to sort it or we would physically give up. Really recommend this treatment it’s non-evasive and just a total game changer. After the first treatment she was AWFUL didn’t sleep for 24 hours except for the occasional 10 mins here and there then after that first night she went 7pm to 7am. A dream come true. Our third daughter came a short while later and I can’t say I’d she was a good sleeper or not as I think I slept the first six months of her life recovering!

Really? When we sleep trained my daughter, my husband stayed beside her and comforted her the entire time. He sat beside her holding her hand while she cried for me to breastfeed her to sleep, which I was stopping, but he did not leave her side.

@Sayshesheshe how are you doing?

I did sleep training with my daughter around 7months old. She was fine going to sleep initially but then would be so unsettled in the night and we went through a tough stage.

We talked about it, picked a good time for us (over a long weekend when husband wasn't working etc), I wrote a chart out (a bit more "gentle" than the suggested timings I'd read), and husband and I took turns.

After 3 nights in and she was re-settling herself at night and we can count on two hands the number of times she's called us in during the night since and she's now 5!!

I can understand this doesn't work for everyone (sister tried, didn't work), but please don't listen to those that say babies just learn that no-one is there for them etc. In fact you are teaching them an amazing skill - to be able to settle themselves and feel ok in their own environment. If you do it in a controlled way, your baby will know that you are there (pat pat), and then you go and they can go to sleep. They will know you love them and are there for them but it is ok for them to go to sleep on their own.

Best of luck x

This is such rubbish and just guilt trips already overwhelmed mums 🙄

Getting baby’s into good sleep habits is beneficial for both baby and mum.

Sleep training as in having a bedtime routine that ensures dd is warm, fed, comfortable and relaxed and then left for a few mins to settle worked perfectly for me.

It isn’t rubbish, though.

This is very specifically about cry-it-out rather than sleep training in general.

It was a game changer for us, but it wasnt forever and we had to re train after each sleep regression or big leap. That’s been the case for friends too. It’s brutal for all involved and takes a huge amount of commitment and patience and dedication and mental strength. But it saved my marriage, and me. I was broken.

No it doesn't, don't be ridiculous and stop making a sleep deprived desperate mum feel unnecessarily guilty, it's cruel. Proper sleep training absolutely teaches babies to self soothe which is an important life skill. And if the OPs baby is only sleeping in short stretches this is not only terrible for the parents but also for the child. Good quality sleep is essential for healthy development. To not at least try to deal with that by sleep training is neglectful.

OP I did sleep training, where we patted to soothe and then gradually left the room. It took about a week, and he was going to sleep on his own and sleeping for good stretches. He is an adult now and very well adjusted and we have a great, close bond.

We did a kind of gradual retreat thing when DD was 9 months. I was having chemo and DH was doing all the night wakes plus working full time, and when we tried co sleeping she was just pulling at the PICC line in my arm so we ended up with DH and DD in one bed and me in the spare room which made me feel terrible. We were at breaking point, she was waking every hour and it was just because she didn’t know how to get back to sleep on her own. We never ever left her to cry, we would stroke her back telling a story, which progressed to telling the story not stroking her back, which eventually after about 8 weeks resulted in us being able to leave the room and her sleeping through. She is 3 now and has been a brilliant sleeper ever since. I don’t know how much of this is temperament and I certainly wouldn’t put myself up for parent of the year because it worked so well but all I know for sure is if we hadn’t done something about it I don’t know what would have happened; we were seriously on our knees. No attachment issues as far as I can tell - she knows we come running whenever she needs us in the night.

Cry it out isn't sleep training, that's just leaving a baby to cry. Sleep training involves giving different and/or intermittent reassurance. It's completely different. And tbh that whole paper is a whole load of supposition with very little to no supporting evidence.

This is so unhelpful to hear.

I am on my knees with exhaustion, 1.5 hours is the maximum length of sleep I’ve had in the last 6 weeks and my max since she was born was 3 hours. My eczema is covering my entire body and tonight I’ve been having feelings of self harm having never suffered mental ill health my entire life. I feel incredibly alone.

I am in desperate need of a solution because this can’t continue.

thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences, we will definitely be on the gentle side and were meant to start this week but she’s now teething and because I’m a monster but not that much of a monster I couldn’t bring myself to do it.