Did sleep training work for you?

[Sayshesheshe]

And if so which method?

I never thought I would but with an 8 month old who wakes every 1-2 hours overnight I’m on my knees with exhaustion and would like a solution so sleep training feels like it has to happen but I’m not really sure where to start.

There are lots of different ways to sleep train so don’t worry if people reply about “leaving them the cry damages them”. I slept trained my 4 month old, in my opinion, by putting him down to sleep in his cot for naps. He would then cry in about 30 seconds, then I would pick him up and comfort him and put him down again then repeat until he slept for 30 minutes. (Or my husband would do it if it was his turn). We didn’t just leave him there to cry! But we did train him to sleep in his cot in about two weeks. He was watched and cuddled at every point he needed but also he needed to learn that the cot was a safe and good place to sleep.

See how you've just done that the other way round? Calling mums who don't sleep train neglectful is also making a sleep deprived desperate mum feel unnecessarily guilty.

Good luck with teething and just to add to the chorus of successful happy sleep trainers. Same as you, my babies never slept more than 90 minutes. I was sad and tired they were tired and had a sad mother. We paid someone to write a plan as I needed permission because of reading people who said it would damage them forever etc. We did it over three nights, she cried in bits but my husband was shush patting and singing to her and she did sleep in the end. Did the same for second born too.
In fact we are emergency dog sitting and a couple of nights ago I came across youngest (12) singing the go to sleep song (that we made up for their sleep training) to our friend’s restless labradoodle. I thought it was so lovely that both kids associate it with being cared for and a gentle cue to go to sleep.

I was on my knees with exhaustion when my eldest was 8 months old, she didn’t sleep, I was up every 60-90 minutes with her, and back at work full time (this was when UK mat leave was only 6 months) so I know what you are dealing with, but you can’t train independence, and you can’t teach self-soothing, not at 8 months old, they are simply not developmentally ready. Also, at 8 months babies often start to feel separation anxiety, it’s when they begin to realise they are a separate being from you, and it’s a huge developmental leap.

But there are other solutions that are not ‘sleep training’, which, contrary to what those who are encouraging you are saying, always involves an element of crying and distress, which only stops when the baby stops asking for comfort, not because they no longer need comfort. I suggested you look at Elizabeth Pantley for info & advice on maximising sleep, or you could just do what I did, and bring her into your bed and give her the comfort and reassurance she needs, and then you’ll both get more sleep.

https://www.nocrysolution.com/books/the-no-cry-sleep-solution-solution-2/

You cannot teach a baby to self soothe. It’s a developmental stage, and can’t be forced. What you can do is teach a baby that you won’t respond so it’s pointless to cry. There are so many other ways to maximise sleep that don’t involve any ‘training’, none of which are neglectful.

There's many different sleep training methods and not all methods involve leaving a baby to cry.

Mine were taught to self soothe and were never left to cry.

Sleep training saved my life, well and truly. I was so tired I nearly crashed the car, and was also having dark thoughts. DH and I were snappy with other and it made me resent being a Mum. Cosleeping made little to no difference, and usually made it worse.

DD was either up every 45mins and needed a complicated rocking routine that only I could do (she'd just scream at DH), then I'd get maybe 25mins before she woke up again, OR she'd only wake once but it'd be for hours and hours. We were all miserable, including her. It was horrendous. So we did sleep training at 14mo and she slept through the first night. It took about 3 days for her to stop shouting when we left the room (1min intervals, never got over 5mins) and then after that she would chat herself to sleep once we said goodnight. We had a lovely, calm, consistent bedtime routine with stories and a song etc, but the sleep training was a miracle. She woke up happy for the first time ever!

DS didn't wake as frequently, but when he did he would scream, headbutt my shoulder, pull my hair, scratch me - pretty much from birth. These were all while I was rocking or cuddling or whatever. And he was SO heavy and strong, it was awful. I was at breaking point by 8mo and it was starting to affect DD (she was 4 and when he was really shouting it disturbed her too), so at 9mo we did sleep training with him. Same thing, a few days and he was sleeping through with no problems. He was still in our room at that point so I know there was no "not bothering to cry because nobody comes". He was content. If he woke, he rolled over and went back to sleep. If he cried, I'd give him a pat and he'd calm down and go back to sleep.

(This was all after they stopped wanting milk in the night - I'd offer them a bottle and they'd refuse so we knew they weren't hungry!)

DC are 11 and 7 now and sleep like champs. And if either of them do wake up in the night and can't get back to sleep for whatever reason, guess what they do? They call out for us, the horrible parents who did sleep training with them. They don't lay in the dark and sob, they ask us to come in to them, and we do. They also don't wake up screaming every 45 fucking minutes and make me want to throw myself off the roof, then be miserable all day because they're exhausted!

Sorry this is so long but it really was the best thing we ever did and I wish we'd done it earlier with DD. We had to redo it every now and then for illness and teething when they'd come in with us (we're not monsters, despite what some people will think!) but overall it changed everything.

It doesn't work for everyone but if it does work then it can change your whole family's lives. Nobody does sleep training to be cruel, they do it because they're at the end of their tether and can't cope with no sleep anymore.

Good luck, OP. I hope you get it sorted, one way or another!

@MarvellousMonsters please feel free to share your "many other ways" of maximising sleep.
I'd be genuinely interested to know rather than just writing a comment like that and not saying anything else
Please help any sleep deprived mummy's out there!

We never co- slept, used a sling for naps (or at all), used white noise, did contact naps but engaged a sleep consultant when DT’s were 5 months old. They were already sleeping through the night but not regularly enough imo. I went back to work when they were six months and thanks to the sleep consultant teaching us safe, calm, gentle techniques everyone was getting a full nights sleep - good for babies and parents.

There's a difference between 'self soothing' eg soothing themselves from a state of distress without help, and 'self settling' eg going to sleep independently.

You 100% can teach a baby to go to sleep independently.

I'm so sorry OP. It's absolute hell.
Our DS was like this, waking every 1-2hrs, and would refuse the bottle so I never got a good rest. At 16 months we finally got help from a sleep therapist / child psychologist, and it did help in that we were able to wean him off the boob and he did go for longer periods and DP could settle him so I got more of a rest.
That being said, he went from waking 8x per night to more like 3x per night, which is still not ideal. I don't feel there's much more we could have done - I think it's his temperment. He's just turned 4 and sleeps much better!

I already did, the simplest is cosleeping, but there are other options, as described by Elizabeth Pantley and Sarah Ockwell Smith. Google is your friend.

Co-sleeping was my idea of hell with DT’s - no way was I doing that. DH and I wanted more sleep not less! Sleep training was a winner.

No didn't work for us. I'm against letting children cry for ever. Next door family do this. It's awful. Mother also screams at young child. I get very upset.

My idea of hell too.

Oh yes. Both babies around 9 months. The Ferber method and never looked back.

We sleep trained our youngest after our oldest took 2.5 years to sleep through the night, I knew I couldn’t go through that again! If he woke up we would keep the room dark and stay silent, pick him up for a cuddle then put him in his cot when he was calm. If he cried we would give him 1 minute, pick him up till calm, put him back down. We just repeated this, the first couple of nights were brutal but then he got it and slept really well. Every now and then we would have to go through the routine again, if he was teething or poorly, but on the whole we didn’t have issues. As a toddler he would tell us when he wanted to have a nap or go to bed for the night, and now at age 12 he still loves his sleep. Best thing we ever did for him and us

You call it the Ferber Method. The NSPCC considers it abusive neglect.

https://pif.fandom.com/wiki/NSPCC_-Open_Your_Eyes(2000,_UK)?file=NSPCC

No they don't.

That advert is talking about leaving a baby for hours upon hours, probably wet, hungry and dirty. Likely during the day too.

Not using the Ferber Method for a few nights and going back to the baby after 5 minutes. Baby is fed, clean and dry.

But the impact on the emotional development of the baby is the same. You can try to justify it as much as you want, but humans are a close contact species, our babies instinctively need to be with us, preferably close enough to touch, to feel safe and secure. These methods don’t teach self-soothing, they just result in shut down and learned helplessness.

Of course it isn’t. Otherwise all babies who are sleep trained would be like babies from those Romanian orphanages who are ignored all day and all night.

Sleep training is a completely different thing.

You are being utterly, utterly ridiculous @MarvellousMonsters.

Keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better

We did gentle sleep training with the help of a sleep consultant. A kind gentle process. Good sleep is vital for babies (and parents).