2y2mo only naps in car

[alittleconfused1]

Help!

My daughter is 2 years and 2 months. Until about 9 months ago I fed to sleep and contact napped, she’s never been very good at napping in cot. About 9 months ago I did gentle sleep training and stopped feeding to sleep, she would then nap in her buggy most days, which was perfect as I could walk until she slept then park her up in the house and get on with things (or nap myself!!). On bad nap days or bad weather days I would drive her round until she slept. I appreciate most people don’t have time to do this but I should probably add I’ve had quite bad sleep anxiety since she was born (very bad actually!). She’s always been low sleep needs and all the wake window stuff etc just put me into a spin of stress and panic.

Anyway about two months ago she started fighting naps in the buggy. She sings and sings, and talks and talks and goes a bit delirious at times, sometimes then asking to go home and crying, basically doing anything not to sleep. You can see she is dog tired, and if I then put her in the car she will be asleep within minutes and sleep for at least an hour and sometimes I have to wake her she sleeps for so long.

I have tried going earlier and going later and it makes no difference. I have tried putting her in the cot and she loses it, it then started to screw up bedtime - which is fine by the way, she can fall asleep independently at bedtime i put her down, give her a kiss and leave her and she eventually drifts off with no tears. I have also tried just lying with her for naps and she starts playing and messing around etc. and doesn’t sleep.

So now I am at the point where I have to drive her to get her to nap. Sometimes for 45 mins before she drops off. I know she could drop her nap easily at this stage but she’s so tired by lunch (gets up at 5.45ish most days), that I don’t think she’d make it through the afternoon and I’d end up putting her to bed crazy early. She has never just collapsed and fallen asleep eg on a sunbed like most kids do, not sure if her brain is too addled, if there is something wrong or what.

Anyway I wondered if anyone else had had similar and what they did? I can’t afford to keep spending hours driving to get her to sleep. Today I walked for 50 mins then drove for 20 and she finally dropped off, but has been asleep in the car for an hour and a half since then so clearly needed to sleep.

Would welcome any advice!

Thanks so much!

My eldest was like this. From about 18 months, I could only get him to nap in the pram, no matter how tired he seemed. Totally stopped napping by 2.5, except for occasionally falling asleep (and having to be woken up and being very grumpy) at about 4:30.

If she's not falling asleep after all that then she's not tired enough, or even if she is tired enough she clearly somehow has the stamina to not fall asleep! I'd try a week of just quiet time for a couple of hours after lunch, cuddled up with a film on TV (if she falls asleep great, but if she doesn't then so be it) and bed time at 6:00 if she doesn't nap.

I would just drop it, I don’t know why people out themselves through this to get their child to sleep. Since she doesn’t seem to need the sleep that much she could be waking earlier due to the nap in the day.
Either way just before 6 is a moral time to wake with a 2 year old.

I’d just drop the nap. She’s pretty much telling you it’s time. DD1 dropped her nap just after turning 3, DD2 is 3 and still napping, it’s really individual. You might go through a tricky transition couple of weeks where she has a nap every few days or is just grumpy and tired but it works itself out. I wouldn’t be going to extreme lengths to force naps and presumably sitting in my car for hours in height of summer!

This is my kid. Over 2.5 now and we exclusively car nap at the weekend (he's in nursery otherwise). I usually incorporate the drive into going out somewhere for the afternoon or coming home from a morning out so it isn't any additional driving. It does somewhat dictate the day, but I'm used to it so plan it in and see it as a non-issue as I take a book or use the time for admin or eat a calm lunch and/or natter with DP! Quite like a car nap actually!

DS is a monster without sleep so I will continue as long as he needs his nap as it leads to a far happier child & family.

Sorry that should be ‘Just after turning 2’ for DD1! Alas.

To explain I think it's a combination of things, sleep anxiety and panic if she doesn't nap the world will end, the fact she was a very longed for child that took 8 or so years and a lot of miscarriages to have... so I am desperate to do everything perfectly as she will be our only one and so hard fought for, and the fact that when she does sleep she sleeps for so long. Also I know she doesn't just nap unaided like other kids do - has never fallen asleep in her buggy unprompted for example - even as a baby I had to rock and rock and rock the pram to get her to sleep.. and at the moment she's so active and just looks so exhausted (and everyone tells me she looks tired) so I feel like she needs to sleep!! Anyway all of these things combine to make me 'that' person who drives for hours to get her to sleep! Bonkers I know but there is some logic there somewhere I think! x

Thank you, I did wonder about quiet time and maybe listening to a story or two, will give it a whirl x

Thank you, I don't feel quite so bonkers now x

Loads of kids drop their nap around 2.5. My youngest didn’t nap consistently beyond that age. I know she’s a bit younger but not much and you say she’s generally low sleep needs so it would make sense that she’s ready to drop it. I agree with just doing quiet time instead- if she doesn’t have a lot of TV that’s a good time to introduce it especially if you need a break yourself.

I haven't read everything, but she will need to drop it soon anyway so a car nap is all she's going to need

I mean, you just have to remind yourself no the world will not end if she doesn’t nap. Somewhere after two is the start of the normal window of time to drop a nap. Often when they drop the nap it’s not all or nothing, it’s a nap every other day or every few days so you need to set your expectations that the routine will be all over the place for a while and it’s fine.
People can get weirdly obsessed with naps and “good” sleep to the detriment of new mothers mental health imo. Rather than viewing no nap as a fail why not view it as bonus time with your much loved child?

Napping for a chunk of time doesn’t always mean they “need” the sleep as a nap in the day. Often kids can fall asleep for ages in the car but as they get older it means they are awake long into the evening because they now have no sleep pressure.

My DD stopped naps at 16 months - nothing would get her to sleep during the day. So that was that.

Remember Little - you've read the book on child rearing but your DD hasn't - she's doing her thing, and her thing isn't naps at 2 years old which is totally fine.

Yes she may look tired but for her it's a wonderful exciting world she wants to explore. She'll find her level - please don't tie yourself up in knots trying to get a child who doesn't want to sleep, to sleep.

My son stopped naps at 2 years 4 months completely. It sounds as if your daughter is getting to the point where she doesn't want to nap during the day. Have you actually tried stopping them? My son was also a child who didn't like napping, so it didn't come to much of a surprise that he stopped sooner rather than later. I wouldn't keep trying to force your daughter to nap, especially taking her out in the car.

Both of mine were like this. Get used to reading in the car and getting a drive through coffee 😂😂😂😂

But as others said it is normally a sign the nap is starting to not be as important.

Also to add OP that combine a long drive with an active enough morning and my 8YO will nap in the car, if I’m driving so will DH half the time too 🤣 It’s definitely not to be taken as a sign that the child (or adult!) needs a nap.

One thing that jumps out at me from your posts is you repeatedly saying things like "she doesn't sleep like this like other kids do" "she doesn't do that like other kids do" a lot. Please try to stop comparing her to "other kids", she isn't "other kids", she's her own person. And secondly I don't know who these kids are that you've met that climb into a stationary buggy and go to sleep etc cos none of my three would ever have done any of those things you mention! It's totally normal to have to push or drive a toddler around to get them to nap.

Whether she needs the nap or not still I can't really say but I've always had a rule that the maximum amount of time I'd spent trying to get a baby or toddler to nap is 30 minutes. If they're still not asleep by that point then I call it quits, it becomes uncomfortable for everyone involved by then! Depending on the time and age of the child I may possibly try again a bit later but at your DC's age that's probably not an option otherwise might interfere with bedtime. What time do they go to bed?

Thank you, I try to put a limit on it but so often she looks like she’s just about to go so I add 5 min, then another 5 etc etc! 🤦🏼‍♀️ Should just give up! I just start thinking ‘I can’t go to xyz this afternoon as she will fall asleep on way home’ and worrying about everything (totally irrational I appreciate), but then think if I can get her to nap it won’t be a worry later etc etc

She goes to bed at 6.30 on no nap days, and between 7 and 7.30 on nap days

I definitely shouldn’t compare her, I guess I was thinking about all the toddlers passed out in buggies on sunbeds on our holiday a few weeks ago, whilst i walked and walked and walked trying to get her off! Envious if anything x

Thanks, reassuring to hear I am not alone! Did you keep driving to get them to nap? Or did you give up at some point?

I'd just drop the nap at this point and put her to bed at 6...it'll be tough going for a few weeks but she'll get used to it quickly and you may find she starts sleeping a bit later in the morning too (make sure you have blackout blinds at this time of year so the sun isn't waking her). Good luck!

Both mine stopped napping before 2....I'm currently laid in bed with my 3yr old trying to get her to sleep...which can take up to an hour.....she will sometimes have a nap, only usually in the car, she's always shattered but won't give in.... remember the only perfect parent is the one without children!! Don't stress about everything, my 3yr old is a quadruple rainbow baby so I know the fear after losses but don't ruin your time with stress

I remember being pregnant and begging my 2.5 yo to nap. ',I'm just not tired mommy'. I almost cried with exhaustion. Only ever slept in pram or car

Mine was a little bugger for sleep at this age, I ended up dropping the nap, bringing bedtime forward and then just being flexible with it, if he needed a catch up nap every other day or third day then that's what happened and that didn't affect bedtime as much, it's the age where they're growing out of it but still need it! Good luck!

Mine stopped napping at about two years old, and like yours she always had no problem getting off to sleep at night without me. We just had a quiet hour after lunch when she maybe watched a video (this was a long time ago lol) or we read books. She preferred to still go to bed at about 7pm but started getting up a bit later at 7am which to be fair suited me better!

Neither of mine napped after 18 months.

Aimed to have a quieter time after lunch with a story or may be some TV, but quite often they were ready to get going again.