2y2mo only naps in car

[alittleconfused1]

Help!

My daughter is 2 years and 2 months. Until about 9 months ago I fed to sleep and contact napped, she’s never been very good at napping in cot. About 9 months ago I did gentle sleep training and stopped feeding to sleep, she would then nap in her buggy most days, which was perfect as I could walk until she slept then park her up in the house and get on with things (or nap myself!!). On bad nap days or bad weather days I would drive her round until she slept. I appreciate most people don’t have time to do this but I should probably add I’ve had quite bad sleep anxiety since she was born (very bad actually!). She’s always been low sleep needs and all the wake window stuff etc just put me into a spin of stress and panic.

Anyway about two months ago she started fighting naps in the buggy. She sings and sings, and talks and talks and goes a bit delirious at times, sometimes then asking to go home and crying, basically doing anything not to sleep. You can see she is dog tired, and if I then put her in the car she will be asleep within minutes and sleep for at least an hour and sometimes I have to wake her she sleeps for so long.

I have tried going earlier and going later and it makes no difference. I have tried putting her in the cot and she loses it, it then started to screw up bedtime - which is fine by the way, she can fall asleep independently at bedtime i put her down, give her a kiss and leave her and she eventually drifts off with no tears. I have also tried just lying with her for naps and she starts playing and messing around etc. and doesn’t sleep.

So now I am at the point where I have to drive her to get her to nap. Sometimes for 45 mins before she drops off. I know she could drop her nap easily at this stage but she’s so tired by lunch (gets up at 5.45ish most days), that I don’t think she’d make it through the afternoon and I’d end up putting her to bed crazy early. She has never just collapsed and fallen asleep eg on a sunbed like most kids do, not sure if her brain is too addled, if there is something wrong or what.

Anyway I wondered if anyone else had had similar and what they did? I can’t afford to keep spending hours driving to get her to sleep. Today I walked for 50 mins then drove for 20 and she finally dropped off, but has been asleep in the car for an hour and a half since then so clearly needed to sleep.

Would welcome any advice!

Thanks so much!

Drop the nap move on with your life. My eldest dropped his nap when he turned 2. I was horrified but accepted my fate. I just had to accept he would fall asleep in the car if we went anywhere and deal with the bed time consequences

You’re making hard work for yourself. Forget the daytime nap and she will sleep longer at night

I wouldn’t be driving about anymore. It sounds like she is in that transition period where she still kind of needs the sleep but not enough to fall asleep easily! You can create a quiet time in the afternoon where you do something cosy like reading or watching a dvd together and she may or may not fall asleep. If she doesn’t you will have to keep her out of danger nap territory later though! I found that fresh air followed by an early bath helped a bit but don’t be afraid of any early bedtime. 6 or 6:30 is fine at this age.

Oh bless you, honestly try not to worry - the thing is with young children you just can't always plan their sleep. They aren't robots, like us some days they're more tired than others, more active, sleep better or worse etc. My middle is 3.5 and still sometimes falls asleep in the car or buggy on a busy day if he's woken up early etc. If it's quite late afternoon we just wake him whenever we've arrived at wherever. A short 20-30 min nap here and there doesn't make a big difference to bed time/overall sleep. And most children growing out of their naps aren't consistent every day e.g. both my kids used to nap at home with me for much longer than they napped at nursery. Like you we just put them to bed a little earlier on their nursery days during that time period. Then when they were 3 they'd nap some days and not others etc and we'd just move bed time earlier if needed.

Honestly you're doing a great job for your little girl, follow her cues and she will show you whether she needs to sleep and when she needs to sleep etc. It will be changing all the time as she ages.

Try dropping the nap. Many 2 year old don't nap anymore

My now 6yo was like that. Low sleep needs and I had similar anxiety about sleep/naps. A lot of people drop naps at that age but I was also sure he still needed it. So I kept going (he would only sleep in the buggy after soooo much walking, and worse he would wake up if I stopped walking so I had to keep going!!). I persevered and at around 2y8m naps became slightly easier. Turns out it was a developmental leap that was affecting him. I kept his nap until 3.5y. But from 2.5y I capped it to 45mins - 1hr on days he was clearly exhausted. He also used to wake up early but that fixed itself as well. He is now 6, still low sleep needs and he goes to bed 8.30-9pm and wakes up 6.45 like a clock!!

Oh this is amazing! Thank you so much! So reassuring to hear that it sorted itself out! I’ve talked myself into dropping the car naps but maybe I won’t!

You are the only one who knows what your kid needs. If you feel they need their nap, keep it. It’s a transitional age, maybe look at bedtime as well? Might need to adjust that also, might need to change up the routine, might need to do more physical activities in the morning to get them tired. But definitely cap the nap to whatever you think is ok for them, so they can have the bulk of their sleep at night. And be consistent with timings (this is my sleep anxiety creeping up haha)

Please, for your own sanity, just give up.
if after 20 mins of trying, she still isn’t asleep, She isn’t tired enough.
in my experience it sounds like she’s trying to drop the nap and you aren’t letting her (sorry, trying to be kind!!). Dropping a nap won’t mean it’s dropped every day. Some days she will need it, some she won’t, roll with her, it must be so hard on you feeling like you are having to drive around for an hour. For your own sanity pls stop x

Son was the same. Very early riser, never a good napper, needed taking out in car or buggy to nap. He dropped the naps v early - def before 2yrs. He’s now a very energetic young adult. Can burn the candle both ends and cope with lots of work/play/study that would run others ragged.

Most children do not fall asleep unaided. Most adults don’t either!

The fact she will go to sleep on her own on a night is great!

My daughter is 2 years 8 months and I still feed to sleep. It’s so easy to do I happy to continue. It works for us as I also nap when she does. She sleeps for 2 hours during the day.

If she is with her grandparents while I’ve been at work she will fight it. Same with my husband. She even fights it for me sometimes. Naps in the buggy take a lot longer and I have to find bumpy paths to help.

What I have found is making the bedroom as dark as possible and listening to /watching kids night time songs or stories. They are rather calming.

On a separate note I just wanted to check in with you. Are you receiving therapy to help with your anxiety? I myself am still struggling with PPD and PPA. I’ve had to go on medication to help as therapy alone wasn’t working. I do understand more why I need to control everything and to make sure she is safe. It is such a difficult situation to worry all the time if you are doing it right. But know you are doing an amazing job!!!

She won’t necessarily NEED to drop it at all. My daughter is 2 years and 8 months and still very much needs her 2 hour nap.

You've just perfectly demonstrated how all children are different. If a child will only fall asleep in a car at that age there is no point trying to get them to sleep in the cot for 2 hours as wonderful as it might be. My child didn't NEED a 2 hour nap at that age, not all do.

From about 18 months then only the pram/car would do. And we were on 1 nap a day from 11 months because no matter what I did, I just couldn't get him down for more. Also fell asleep independently at bedtime. Only posting again as this thread has brought it all back to me (he's 7 now!) but I remember trying to rock him and carry him up and down the hall way desperately trying to get him to sleep when he was 1, even when he seemed exhausted, and him physically fighting against me. God it was a nightmare 🤣.

I would drop the nap. You will have a challenging week while you try to keep her awake til bedtime, but it will be worth it. Biscuits and loud music. You will both go a bit doolally. But no more stressing about naps.

am desperate to do everything perfectly

You cannot and you need to let go a little.
And laugh at any misadventure

You will make mistakes
Things will not work out
and sometimes they will
You will learn from them
it is ok
Your dc will survive
Accept that
Read "scummy mummies"

Barring special needs needing therapy input kids grow up just fine when loved and exposed to lots of good experiences books etc . And sometimes they or you will fall over but you pick yourselves up and move on

So stop driving around
Wait few days and see new routine settling in

Why are you putting so much effort in to making her sleep. My DS never had a daytime nap at 2yrs. If we happened to be in the car he might drop off but would wake up as soon as we got to our destination but I never put him down for a planned nap after about 22mo. Just let her stay awake keep her stimulated close to bed time so she doesn't drop off too early then bath and bed for night time sleep.

This is exactly us..my DD is 2yrs 10months

I am putting all the effort in because she looks exhausted! She is a very busy little person, she gets up crazy early most days, and honestly I worry about her. She never stops talking or singing, and I feel like she needs a break to just let her brain go quiet and reboot.

i tried ‘quiet time’ today. She said she was tired and looked it, having had a busy morning. We snuggled under a duvet and I had bought a yoto so put a story on. It worked for about 4 mins then she wanted to play with the yoto itself, then started leaping across the bed, jumping on me etc. I put her in the car and she was fast asleep within three minutes and I had to wake her she was so fast asleep for so long.

i feel like she needs the nap, she just doesn’t want it!

I think at that age my children stopped napping completely in the day unless they just fell asleep in the buggy.

A lot of children at the age of 2 are in nursery so don’t nap!
2 of mine stopped napping at around 18 months, my other one didn’t sleep much at all, was lucky if she slept 4 hours max in 24 hours from birth!