Newborn unwilling to sleep ‘alone’

[nickda]

Hi all
We are really struggling to get our 1 week old to stay let alone sleep in her bassinet that is next to our bed. We didn’t really try this the first 5/6 days but have been trying since and no luck . Even if she is fast asleep and we put her carefully into the bassinet after 10/20 mins tops she will wake up and cry . We have tried swaddling ( we have a hands ‘down’ swaddle bag thing and not working - she really doesn’t seem to like it but hoping she may get used to it ). While she has slept in the bed with my wife and we are taking all the precautions you can it’s not ideal and def nothing we want long term .
Any advice on things that worked for you ?

It is very common. I bought an oval “nest” for the newborn and they’d sleep in my bed next to me but at the same time separated in the nest and the baby slept better that way.

Those nests are only for supervised day time sleeping, you can't use them overnight.

Interesting - I’ll look into that , have you got to the point that you no longer use that and if so how long did that take ?

I think babies get used to sleeping alone and self soothing over time. Your baby is only a week old so won't have learned that yet. I just kept going with it with all of my 3 and DD took about 5-6 weeks to learn to sleep alone, eldest DS only about 10 days and youngest DS took about 3-4 weeks. I think DD might have been hungry because I ebf but as a first time Mum was never sure she was getting enough milk. With second and third DC I seemed to produce more milk and so they slept better.

Have you looked into bedsharing? Obviously you'd need to meet the Safe 7 but I'm an advocate - bedshared with all three of mine.

This is very common for newborns. Try sleeping in shifts, one sleeps 8-1 and the other 1-6, whilst the awake parent holds baby and does the nappy changes and bottles. If purely breast feeding that’s harder but dad can take baby and settle and do nappies and mum just bfs and goes back to sleep. It’s not ideal but that way both parents get some sleep and baby is happy. As baby gets older they will get better at going into the cot. Don’t use a nest overnight, baby shouldn’t be in one of those unsupervised.

Good luck getting a 1 week old to do something you want them to do that goes against all their natural instincts. By good luck I mean, if you have a baby that doesn't wish to sleep alone, just sleep with them baby. Their needs come first for a bit.

Look up the fourth trimester..all your baby has known until a week ago was your womb. It’s perfectly natural that she’s a bit shocked when she wakes up on her own….

Provided you do it safely bed sharing/cosleeling is a great way for everyone to get some sleep at night.

They are now advised against for anything other than supervised daytime sleep - for safety reasons.

Totally normal & part of the fourth trimester.

I cannot stress enough NOT to use a “nest” for overnight sleep, they are for supervised sleep ONLY otherwise a SIDS risk.

no The Purflo is fine for overnight.

You need to do some reading on what normal sleep patterns and behaviours for newborns are and how to do it safely. Did you not do that in preparation for birth?
Not everything works for each newborn either and when you've fixed one problem another one will pop up, teething, growth spurt... newborns aren't a game you put effort coins into and they magically go to sleep.

From an evolutionary perspective, babies aren’t meant to sleep alone so it’s something we have to train them to do. Those first 8-12 weeks can be rough, I advise to keep at it, but lower your expectations and sleep in shifts as PP suggested. It’s a long hard slog but you will get there. By 8 weeks, DC was sleeping through (11pm-5am) and has been pretty consistent ever since. We don’t co sleep, I didn’t have to use any sleep aids like nests, dummies etc…just kept at it with the Moses basket and the 5 minute stretches got long and longer. We did put her in a swaddle sleeping bag, which seemed to help her settle at bedtime. Good luck! I know it’s tough, I remember it well. You will all be fine!

@OhHellolittleone No sleep aids are safe unfortunately.

I think its a natural instinct for the majority of mammals to want to sleep with their mothers. They've had the comfort and warmth for all this time inside their mothers tummy and being suddenly forced apart will be scary and upsetting so ofc they will cry and be unable to sleep.
Your options are to let the baby sleep safely and happily with their mother for a while, or to keep forcing them apart and dealing with a distressed baby

Think I had the bassinet in the bed next to me. Very early days. Try not to feel you have to follow a timetable/ meet milestones. Definitely don’t compare with others as all babies and parents are different. Back in the day Gina Ford was big. You were either in the baby torture camp or not. I wasn’t! Very similar for puppies now!

I've never heard of it being called bed sharing or the safe 7, you learn somthing new every day! I co slept with both of mine

Until days ago she slept in a warm water bag squished up tight inside you with your heartbeat for company. Look into safe bedsharing and give it a go if she’s a decent weight, full term, neither parent smokes or on meds etc. Babies, since babies have existed, want to be close to their parents. It’s completely normal. Accept normal infant behaviour now, today, and embrace it rather than trying to fight it. She doesn’t know she’s in a warm safe home in 2025, she’s a little mammal who’s barely been born and she wants to sleep next to her mum.

Co-sleeping was the only thing that worked for us. Babies don’t want to sleep alone when they’re so tiny. DH was despatched to the spare room, I got rid of duvets, pillows and blankets (I wore a zip-up onesie for easy feeding access) and slept in the cuddle-curl position.

I actually miss those days now!

Well at least this is common and comforting to hear similar things from other people . For everyone who provided ideas/advice thanks so much / I’ll be going through them all with the wife and see what we can test/implement and other than that just patience on our end . Thanks again everyone

Not all babies like being swaddled. One of mine loved it, the other could never sleep unless his arms were free from the day he was born.

I bought a mattress (and slats) and slept on a Floor bed with him.

According to the company that makes them, but the NHS and Lullaby Trust say not to use bednests unsupervised.

I was on my own with both of my newborns and had a next 2 me crib, open on one side with baby sleeping in that sometimes with my arm out touching him or with him in the crook of my arm as they breastfed through the night. we all just slept better that way. It is tricky but you sort of half sleep and get used to it. During the day it was along and naps on me. They never really left me for longer than 10 mins for a quick shower.