Newborn unwilling to sleep ‘alone’

[nickda]

Hi all
We are really struggling to get our 1 week old to stay let alone sleep in her bassinet that is next to our bed. We didn’t really try this the first 5/6 days but have been trying since and no luck . Even if she is fast asleep and we put her carefully into the bassinet after 10/20 mins tops she will wake up and cry . We have tried swaddling ( we have a hands ‘down’ swaddle bag thing and not working - she really doesn’t seem to like it but hoping she may get used to it ). While she has slept in the bed with my wife and we are taking all the precautions you can it’s not ideal and def nothing we want long term .
Any advice on things that worked for you ?

We had a next to me crib and tried a few things - hot water bottle before baby went in so it was warm, me sleeping on the sheet in their crib before so it smelt of me, and yes swaddling too. As others have said though this was after a few weeks of bed sharing and sleeping in shifts as baby wouldn’t sleep in it straight away.

Next2me crib

white noise + swaddling

only thing that worked for my baby - all 3 together!

Probably already mentioned but this is the 4th trimester and baby is only a week old and isn’t yet “separate” to mum. Baby wants to feel safe and that’s with human contact. We had this for a few weeks and had to take it in turns to stay awake and allow baby to sleep on us. We were dog tired and worried we’d fall asleep on baby. So did prob ourselves up in ways that meant we wouldn’t squash baby should be drift off. I think we had 3hr shifts and had a low light and read in order to stay awake.

It’s really hard but it will improve. Congrats on your newborn!!

I co-slept with mine and breastfed lying down.

Saved my sanity.

Also - get your wife to put her tops (that she has worn) next to baby when you do try - or use them as a “sheet” for safety. Over the bassinet mattress. Stretchy vest tops are good for this. Baby will smell mum and this may help. Good luck

Our twins hated swaddling and not being able to see me next to them so co slept till 4 weeks, our boys co slept a week then straight into cot in our room, they hated basinet,crib moses basket first night but we're fine in a cot

I had to co-sleep for 9 months (safe space, no pillows/covers etc and I had no risk factors).

DD would not be put down at all, but the hospital made sure I could BF lying down before I left and that made all the difference as she would feed to sleep that way and we were both well rested (even if it was sodding uncomfortable).

Husband had another room though, that made it much better as DD and me had a superking to ourselves.

The 4th trimester is so important and newborns don’t understand they are separate yet. They are meant to be held. Alas for me DD took 9 months to get there!

I remember reading this and heading off to buy one about three weeks in. It didn’t bloody work.

We did shifts and co sleeping for six months. This is normal OP and it doesn’t last forever.

Totally normal op sorry to say. Read up on the 4th trimester that's where your all at at the min. It improves with time

I don't know a parent who didn't have this issue with at least one baby.

Next to me bed so that you can touch the baby when they start waking up without getting up &:
-white noise (no need for machine, you can play it from spotify)
-I put the sheet under my t-shirt for a few hours before putting it in bed so baby could smell me + milk
-we preferred love to dream swaddles, which allow arm movement

Totally normal, and taking shifts as parents or co-sleeping with the safe sleep 7 are the most common approaches. Babies don't know they're separate to the birthing mom for the first 3 months so they're totally bewildered by the separation.

Things that help if you want to persist with bassinet sleep - warm the sheets with a hot water bottle before putting baby down. Obviously take this out before baby goes in! Put down bum first and slowly. Watch your breathing as you put them down, they'll pick up your ques if you get nervous during the transition. Try transfer your scent to the sheets so they smell like you.

Some babies don't like lying flat, especially if they've had an assisted birth, so if you're monitoring them during daytime sleep, lying on their side can be better. Or if they're refluxy, the bassinet might need to be propped slightly.

& Babies are windier than you think - bicycle legs & burping thoroughly first can help.

The wife?

the one and only

I was going to say temperature too - if you had a choice between a warm cosy bed with your partner or a cold cot what would you take?

Interesting - my wife had an assisted birth, never heard before that this could potentially make some babies not like sleeping on their back

Is she breastfeeding?

Yeah

I have never slept one night away from my child and absolutely no regrets - bedshared immediately from birth. She's five now and still in with us! 😂

I do not advocate or encourage the following however I chest to chest slept with my now 2 year old until he was about 8 weeks old, and did the same with my now 5 month old til he was 10 weeks old, much to the horror of my GP (who I quite agree with, as a medical professional myself I would never, ever advise or encourage anyone to do what I did) but it's what I did to survive otherwise no one got any sleep at all.

I would maybe look into safe Co sleeping/safe 7.

My 4 year old still won’t sleep alone 😳😳😳

My eldest was assisted & it was very true for them. It's a lot of force to pull them out, and it can cause neck / back pain when laying flat as everything settles. Some people find an osteopath helps if it persists.

This is very common in the first few weeks but very very hard. With both of mine we slept in shifts with DH, one of us holding the baby. By around 4-5 weeks we could put them down in the next to me cot for a couple of hours at a time. Hang in there, it does get better!!