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Sleep

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Original poster

leave a 5month old to cry at night?

36 replies

chloemegjess · 21/05/2008 20:09

Hello. I have a 5month old DD and she is still waking several times in the night. She won't settle unless fed, but as the last couple of nights I have given her a bottle instead of breastfeed, I have seen that she is actually not even drinking 1oz! There is me thinking she is hungry, I think she is having me on.

But I have never liked the whole leaving babies to cry thing, but I am starting to think it might be for the best.

Any opinions?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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beansprout · 21/05/2008 20:10

She can't "have you on", she is 5 months old!! She needs something, it might be comfort, reassurance, a bit of help to get back to sleep but please don't see a 5 month old as someone who is trying to trick you. All these other reasons are legitimate too. And 5 months is way too young to leave them to cry but yes, you can teach a baby that you won't come when they need you.

LadyJogsAlot · 21/05/2008 20:12

yes you can.
i did with ds around 5mo.

in these cases it is best to go with your instinct

lilyloo · 21/05/2008 20:12

Does she have dummy ?
I am having same issues with dd 4 months and i am sticking with the bf but wary of oing down the bf back to sleep route which we are doing now.
However i know she happily goes down awake in the day.
I am fingers crossed it's just a phase but have been trying the dummy before bf with little sucess.

WigWamBam · 21/05/2008 20:15

Definitely too little to be "having you on". At this age she cries because she needs something, not because she's trying it on. Mummy manipulation comes much, much later.

Agree with beansprout - what you are teaching when you leave such a tiny baby to cry is that you won't come when she needs you.

Original poster

chloemegjess · 21/05/2008 20:30

lilyloo - No, she wont take a dummy. I have tried but she wont take it. I have only just managed to get her to take a bottle - have tried everyday for 4months and FINALLY got her to take it this week.

Lady and wig wam - What do you do with yor LOs? I do agree with you and now feel bad for thinking about it, just dont really know how else to do about it. I read the baby wisperers book and the whole pick up, put down, which sounded great in therory, but she was saying it was a "nice" way for the baby but I breiefly trie it but didnt like it one bit, My DD was so confused about what I was doing, I found it stressfull and time consuming.. Yes it may work eventually, but didnt think this was any better than CC to be honest.

I have always tried to get her to put heself to sleep, which at one point she did, but now just screams. Even if she is very sleepy to start with.

I just feel like I am going round in circles, she actually slept through the night at one point, although only for a week or so and then started waking every hour!

OP posts:

kate76 · 21/05/2008 20:40

Agree with beansprout. It is horrible and knackering, but babies do wake up in the night, thats what they do...especially ones as young as 5 months. I think you just have to go with it for a while. Sorry, i wish i could offer some more constructive advice, but those are just my thoughts..

Original poster

chloemegjess · 21/05/2008 20:44

I dont mind getting up in the night, as I expected to, I just dont know what to do when she does wake up now as she doesnt even particually feed, and dont really want to be in the habit of rocking to sleep or anything

OP posts:

lilyloo · 21/05/2008 20:45

Chloe did you try the 'cherry teat' dummy they are the only ones my dd will use ?

constancereader · 21/05/2008 20:46

Yes, they do wake and it is really really hard. My ds woke loads at that age and I remember it well, totally bloody knackering and frustrating.

It sounds as if you aren't really happy with the thought of cc anyway. I just kept on feeding back to sleep, eventually and at her own time, she will be ready to sleep through. Sorry it is so hard atm.

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 21/05/2008 20:47

chloe, do whatever you need to do. It will pass!

Original poster

chloemegjess · 21/05/2008 20:49

Yes I have tried all different types of tummy and no success. She does get given one at aleep times, but doesnt really use it. Maybe keep it in her mouth for a couple of seconds, maybe hold in in her hand at most.

OP posts:

angel1976 · 21/05/2008 20:50

Hi chloemegjess,

I have a little DS (3 months on Friday!) and I've been using the BW's methods for one of his naps as I am trying to get him to sleep in his cot (as opposed to his cradle swing or hammock as we are going overseas next month and he has to learn to sleep on a flat surface!).

If he cries, I hold him till he calms down (I shush him and pat him) and once he is sleepy (but not asleep), I put him down and continue to pat him on the chest till he falls asleep. It might be tiresome but it does work and each day gets easier. Today, he slept for 1 hour 20 minutes in his cot after about 15 minutes of settling him. I don't like to leave my DS to cry it out either (not at his age!). In this way, he knows Mummy is always there. I can't carry him to sleep either as he's getting too big for it and also he doesn't sleep well on me anymore (he squirms and wriggles) so if he has to go to sleep, I still think the BW's methods are the less 'painful'!

Original poster

chloemegjess · 21/05/2008 21:07

angel - This sounds like this has worked for you. Our trouble was, I would calm her down, go to put her in her cot, but she would scream before she has even touched the matress! She wont lie in her cot without screaming the place down, unless she has a bottle in her mouth

OP posts:

Mercy · 21/05/2008 21:16

Chloe, it is hard, but her needs come before yours for the foreseeable future I'm afraid.

I do sympathise, my first didn't even sleep during the day for more than 40 minutes at this age!

I guess you've tried all the swaddling, patting, rocking blah blah stuff; what is her daytime sleep like?

LadyJogsAlot · 21/05/2008 21:33

op,
at 5mo ish ds was doing what your lo is doing. i felt he was ready to settle himself to sleep.

this is what i did:

establish bedtime routine (bath, song, low lights, stay in bedroom etc) do it the same every night, same time.

at end of routine put lo in cot, say good night.

leave the room and try not to go back in for 3 mins, then go in and check, say goodnight and leave again promptly. (don't pick baby up)

go and make a cup of tea.

go back after 5 mins and repeat step 3

go back after 10 mins

etc etc keep increasing length until baby cry no more!

i also wasn't intending on doing cc but i just felt he wasn't fussing because he needed something. sometimes he didn't even want to be cuddled to sleep, he was overtired.

it is quite hard but i think you need to be consistent. if you decide to do it then do it and give it a week before you change your mind as otherwise you aren't being fair and sending mixed messages. when i found it hard to leave him i told myself that if i went a picked him up now, he'd cried for the last 10 mins for no reason iykwim.

he now sleeps 7-7.

LadyJogsAlot · 21/05/2008 21:35

i don't know why people are telling you about the baby's needs! you know what the baby needs best, you are her mother.

baby's need a good sleep at night as much as their parents ;)

Original poster

chloemegjess · 21/05/2008 21:37

Her day sleep is fine at the mo, but varies to be honest.

Of course I would put her needs before mine, I would never put myself first.

This really isn't about me wanting to get her to sleep through the night! Just didnt want to keep pushing her to feed when she isnt hungry

OP posts:

LadyJogsAlot · 21/05/2008 21:40

yes but teaching her to fall asleep by herself means that if she wakes in the night and isn't hungry, she may just go back to sleep instead of calling to you...

morocco · 21/05/2008 21:47

prob unsettled rather than hungry. could be teething or a bit lonely or some developmental stage coming up - is she doing anything new like sitting up/crawling etc?
it's great that you are bf to be honest, just stick her on the boob and go back to sleep with her next to you in bed. one of the best benefits of bf - instant calming of baby.

LOOBYLOU2 · 21/05/2008 21:47

I'm reading The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley at the mo'. My 5 month old wakes about three times during the night and will only nap while in the car or in my arms ......
I like her writing so far and she is a Mum too so it's based on her own experiences!

Mercy · 21/05/2008 21:49

chloemegjsess, sorry I think we've got slightly crossed wires here - I didn't mean to imply that you wouldn't put your dd's needs first in that sense.

morocco · 21/05/2008 21:51

for those of you with babies who will only nap in your arms, slings are the solution to all your problems. just 'sling and go'

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 21/05/2008 21:54

Some babies cry themselves into a real state when they're 'left to it'. Some babies cry for a bit then drift off.

It's my firm belief that proponents of 'leave them to cry' at such a young age have never come across one of the babies who work themselves into a lather. If I left DS at that age (and I tried at times, in desperation and/or to prevent me doing something terrible) he would be hysterical, sweating, wetting/pooing himself, screaming and sobbing within a few minutes. People would constantly say "haven't you tried leaing him to cry, just for a little while?", so I'd try again, and then have to ask myself whether he was more or less likely to drift off to sleep while packed with adrenaline and howling the house down.

As soon as I realised he just wasn't one of those babies who has a little whinge then drops off, I got on with the business of doing whatever it takes to get him to sleep. I'm still struggling with his sleep issues now but I stand by my assertion that not every baby is a candidate for being left to it. I really think that's an age at which you need to be just getting everyone asleep as much as possible. I'd heartily recommend cosleeping, chloe!

Original poster

chloemegjess · 21/05/2008 21:55

I still don't really know what to do. There are so many mixed opinions here. My family etc keep telling me to let her cry, and to be honest, I am pretty sure things have been said about me because I havent done it. But not too worried about that, I wont do anything I dont want to.

Morocco - yes she has started rolling over and is now attempting to sit up (think a few more weeks before she complety grasps it).

OP posts:

claraquitetirednow · 21/05/2008 21:57

Chloe - are you sure she isn't teething? My 5-month-old dd started waking again recently after about 3 (blissful) weeks of her more or less sleeping through and her first two teeth have just come through. I usually just hold her for a while and she goes back to sleep. I will/have done cc (to some extent, I wouldn't leave them too long as this age) but only if I am sure there isn't something keeping her awake.

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