leave a 5month old to cry at night?

[chloemegjess]

Hello. I have a 5month old DD and she is still waking several times in the night. She won't settle unless fed, but as the last couple of nights I have given her a bottle instead of breastfeed, I have seen that she is actually not even drinking 1oz! There is me thinking she is hungry, I think she is having me on.

But I have never liked the whole leaving babies to cry thing, but I am starting to think it might be for the best.

Any opinions?

She could possibly be teething, as she has been dribbling, but not much else, she is a very happy baby when she isnt tired. Tried teething gels and no luck. I am not sure this is what has kept her awake though, as she only ever slept through for a week or 2.

OP, please don't think you're being selfish by thinking of controlled crying. If you're waking up every hour you must be exhausted and that isn't good for baby. I don't see any reason why cc isn't ok, lots of people have strong opinions but really I don't think there's any evidence at all that it does any harm. The advice is I think based on the fact that babies left to cry in the first 3 months of life cry more in the last 3 months of the first year. It sounds like you've always been really responsive to him and there's a difference between letting a baby cry when tired and letting them cry at other times imo. I found no cry sleep solution helpful, helped to break the cycle of feed to sleep. DS is 7 months and slept through for the first time last weekend . He was the same at 5 months, still waking hrly at times. Also realised he'd often settle himself to sleep and I was probably waking him up by rushing over to him as soon as he made a sound. I think moving him into his own room made quite a big difference too, as we didn't disturb each other. Hope it gets better soon

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Tried hugging her rather than feeding her? Tried co sleeping?

I personally wouldn't like to leave a baby under 12 months to cry it out.

you think she is having you on??? she's a 5 month old baby.

ok, maybe she wants comfort more than food.
but why is giving her comfort any less important than giving her food?

5 months is way too young to leave her to cry. all you will do is teach her that when she cries no-one comes.
she is too young to know that you always come back (regardless of what the CC brigade will tell you)
she won't stop crying because she has settled down to sleep. she will stop crying because there is no point.

please don't do it

Does she self settle? I had one that didn't (still doesn't at four) and one that does. With the second I found he cried more when I lay in bed with him and stopped him escaping from the bed (he never really fed to sleep) than when I popped him in the cot and left.

I am horrified by the idea of leaving babies to cry and it was only after several long sessions of hugging a tired crying baby that I tried leaving him. He cried for less than two minutes and then fell asleep. I think it really does depend on personality. I could never have left my first as he would have felt the world had ended but discovered that it was what my second preferred.

At two he now shares a room with his big brother. If stories and chatting go on too long at bedtime he pulls his blanket over his head and goes to sleep in his personal tent.

I'm a great fan of co-sleeping as well.

We did try co-sleeping, but it just didnt work for us for long. Was great when she was tiny, hardly moved, Dh worked nights etc. But now she is very wriggly, takes up so much space. Does everything she can to grab at one of us (Dh now doing days) and bloody hurts! And basically it was just becoming a chore rather than a nice family bed. She wasn't fussed about it either and sleeps better in her own cot in her room.

Just used the Millpond sleep book for our 7 month old who was waking 5 times a night. We didn't want to use controlled crying so used what they call 'gradual retreat'. We were absolutely amazed- we went from 5 times a night waking to sleeping through in three nights. Three weeks on now and instead of rocking her to sleep with a dummy we now put her down and walk out of the room- it takes less than a minute and she falls asleep on her own.

It is NOT selfish to want you and your baby to have a good night's sleep. My dd is so much happier now she has gained the skill of falling asleep on her own and gets a proper night's sleep. I have so much more energy to play with her and do fun things. It has changed our lives!

agree with iaterosemaryconley. Both my ds got worked up into such a state when left to cry that there is no way they would go to sleep, they get so aggitated.

I have used no cry sleep solution. It takes time, as the author says, but after 4-6 weeks (i think) of using it we have gone from hourly wakenings needing bf (also, mainly for his comfort i think) to a 5 hour stretch on the last 5 nights. I am a transformed, happy mummy! Have also managed to get him out of my bed into his cot/hammock (well, until 5ish when i bring him back in, I miss him!). His sleep still isn't great, but it is a lot better. He is 5.5 months.

With ds1 I did leave him to cry a bit more, mainly under pressure from family and everyone else in RL. I couldn't leave him though, and I suppose did gradual retreat, but didn't know what it was called, just made it up. It took a hard, hard week, eg with over an hour crying in his cot with me patting him at the beginning. I hated it and don't think I could do it again with ds2. Ds1 does sleep really well now though, but still often screams for hte first 2-3 mins when i leave the room, which is still horrid.

So, try the NCSS and/or Millpond books for alternatives to CC. Good luck!

Liv01 - Could you explain this method to me please? Sounds good!

The idea is that you use another method of helping them fall asleep than the one which is causing the problem (for your dc- a quick feed- for ours- the dummy) and then gradually withdraw it. They explain that every 45 minutes or so babies come into a light sleep and wake up. Many will go back to sleep on their own- others have learnt that they can only get back to sleep while sucking. Unless you teach them another way of going to sleep this could take ages to get better on its own.

You can start by eg using walking around the room until they go to sleep- for three days. You then progress to holding them on your lap for another three days. Then sitting by the side of the cot while patting/stroking hair- for three days. You then gradually withdraw your presence three days at a time- sitting by the cot with no eye contact, a step away, two steps away, sitting outside the door with the door open.

The first night was difficult and she cried on and off for two hours. It wasn't as bad because dh was sitting and cuddling her- she was crying with frustration at not being able to fall asleep and not at feeling abandoned. We just kept telling ourselves that we were teaching her a new skill and helping her be happier in the long run.

We actually used Millpond's phone advice service. It is expensive but was worth every penny- just to give us the courage to start and the support to continue. We never thought it was going to work- up until then we had been through seven months of never getting more than 2 or three hours sleep at a time.