I fell asleep while breastfeeding!!

[AleaEim]

I feel like such a failure, I fell asleep sitting up in bed with my 6 week old v close to edge of the bed. I must have been like that for nearly two hours, in a solid sleep not light sleep, I even had a dresm so I must have been really out, DD could have easily fallen out of bed or got smothered with the duvet.

I’ve been trying to avoid intentional
co sleeping as I am an extremely deep sleeper, (it hasn’t changed with baby being born like some people said), our mattress is also quite soft but don’t know how to check for sure, it just feels very soft and I could see that it would be easy for her to roll into the dent around me while feeding.

i am open to feed in a safe co sleep position to fool proof myself if this happens again but I’m in a catch 22 situation. DH is in spare room for now as he is a light sleeper and has been struggling (he drives long distances to work so needs sleep)

I am at a loss and don’t know what I can do to keep my baby safe. People keep saying you won’t roll on your baby if you do sleep but I’d worry I would as I sometimes don’t wake up fo her whimpers/ noises she makes.

Should I use formula instead ? I didn’t want to tbh but at least getting up to make formula would wake me up. Still at risk of falling back asleep though I guess.

Thanks but there’s no room for a mattress on the floor as well as the bed. DH is on an airbed in the other room, this will soon be the baby’s room when she’s older. I think my only solution is to sit up on an uncomfortable chair like the kitchen chair so it’s not comfy enough to fall back asleep. She doesn’t feed for too long in the night anyway? I guess that could change though, I wouldn’t want to be sitting on a kitchen chair if she wanted to feed for 40 mins.

Co sleep op. Do it properly.
I fell asleep twice with my baby, once she actually slid off my lap onto the floor, she was fine but I was fucking hysterical. Another time I fell asleep the same as you, sitting up and it's a miracle I stayed in the same position. Tiredness is all consuming when the baby is little it's just easier to co sleep

I normally do come onto mumsnet to keep myself awake but for some reason this time I didn’t. Is classics an actually category on here?

What worked for me was getting up and feeding in a chair as it woke me up - light on, snacks, phone with ear pods to watch videos/book etc.. being in bed kept me feeling sleepy..

I wouldn't say it was torture, quite the opposite.
I also think there's no point co sleeping unless it's something you want to do.
I fed, baby went back in cot, there was no latching on and off multiple times or having to stop the Co sleeping then at some point..

We evolved to co sleep and sleep while breastfeeding at night, so you are battling against your/your baby's nature by trying to stay awake.
Uncomfy chairs sound miserable and dangerous.
Babies feed at night for months, trying to keep yourself awake and sleep deprived for months is going to impact your days too.

I fell asleep sitting upright at side of cot and had a dream I was feeding baby
don’t be so hard on yourself

It happened to me too once, I was feeding lying down. I just made sure after that that I didn’t lie down and had a phone in my face to keep me awake.

I'm sad to read about op being told to make herself uncomfortable to stay awake too. You're fighting a losing battle. What about 4m in when you're even more tired? Op has already fallen asleep in an unsafe position, it's fair to say it'll happen again...

Put a firm double mattress on the floor in the baby's room OP. Get baby used to napping and sleeping there, sleep with them as needed, safely, following safe sleep guidelines.

I'd be more worried about falling asleep in a chair or sofa and dropping or smothering the baby
I've fell asleep myself feeding DD, woke up still attached comfort feeding.
Make your bed as safe as possible, use a baby safe blanket or tuck yours in at the bottom of the mattress so it won't cover baby and don't go to the loo, that'll keep you awake!
Things have changed since I co-slept and it was during the summer so I didn't need a warm duvet.
Please follow current guidelines but co sleeping is safe when done correctly.

I always needed DH next to me while night feeding as I was like a zombie! He would watch over us then take the baby back to her cot when she had finished. I realise this is not for everyone, but it was our solution to my extreme tiredness. It wasn't for long in the grand scheme of things.

Gosh OP, it really is upsetting when you realise.
If it makes you feel better, I did the same. Dozing off whilst breastfeeding sitting up in bed. Maybe half an hour. I mean it's 2 fucking AM and you're exhausted and it's night after night after night. It happens.
What I did do as a precaution was to go in a spare bed and sit up in the middle of the bed, leaning on the headboard as opposed to sitting up near the edge of the bed. Always have a light on as well as it seemed to prevent me dozing off properly.
It really is scary but I would bet my life most breastfeeding mums have similar stories to tell.

Can’t you set the spare room up for safe cosleeping? Buy a firm mattress and put it on the floor. IDK how big the room is but if you went for a small double size that would be big enough for you and baby to share now and it could become their bed when they’re a toddler, so it wouldn’t be spending £100s on something just for this short lived period. Then DH goes back into your room in your bed.

Don't get a chair or make yourself uncomfortable that's crazy advice to a sleep deprived mother! You will be even more sleep deprived. There must be some way of creating a safe sleep space for you and your baby so you can co sleep. If you are worried about the duvet can you use a really warm onesie to sleep in for yourself or something? Can you get a firm mattress topper to make your bed more firm? It's completely natural to co sleep.
Most mums will have fallen asleep with their baby on their lap at some time (I have) so don't beat yourself up.

This is what made me resort to safe seven cosleeping. There isn't always a risk free option with babies.

I've stopped posting for advice on mumsnet as the co-sleeping brigade comes out every single fucking time. It really doesn't work for many mothers. It doesn't work for me, why do we have pages and pages of people suggesting it when the OP clearly says she doesn't want to do it?

I'd turn on the TV. I remember watching a lot of TV and eating a lot of chocolate in the middle of the night in the first 6-7 weeks of my baby's life.

I think people are suggesting it because OP already HAS co slept, accidentally, in a very unsafe way, which could have had devastating consequences.

At that point it is safer to plan to co sleep and therefore do it safely than risk the same thing happening again and not being so lucky next time.

‘Brigade’s a bit rude. Of course OP and any mother should do what she thinks best.

I'm not part of a brigade, I'm only talking about my own experience of not being able to keep my eyes open during the baby stage.

I did this during the first week. I was sitting up in a big comfy chair we had in the nursery. She just ended up in my lap.

that was the day we switched to intentional, planned cosleeping. I clearly needed more sleep so we set up our bed to create the best environment possible and DH moved to the guest room.

Thank you. If I wasn’t a deep sleeper I might think about co sleeping but I just think it’s so risky because I really sleep like I’m dead. I don’t even hear DH coming in with baby when he puts her down after his feed and the crib is right next to the bed.

And dates. So many dates! Just remembered that.

I definitely think co-sleeping is something to consider when baby is older (like from one or even 18 months for a while). Something that works will stop working for you at some point as baby ages. Similarly something that didn't work for you/baby a few weeks ago may one day.

I feel for you op, but everything was fine so try not to dwell on it. There's so great suggestions on this thread to help.

I used to breast feed laying on my side with my bottom arm out so I couldn't roll forward just in case I fell asleep.

Ps I coslept with all four of mine but it's not worth doing if it will worry you. You can only do what feels right to you.

Also just know that the horrific sleep deprivation will get a tiny bit better in a few weeks. By 12 weeks they sleep longer at night (even if they wake up loads, they're not awake for an hour between wake ups like now). So you'll be unlikely to fall asleep holding him at that point. My baby was also just much sturdier and active by 4 months and more likely to alert me when something was wrong.

A long winded way of saying "hang in there".