I know this has recently been asked - but calling all co-sleepers

[Pinkjenny]

I have accidentally found myself in the co-sleeping camp, and I'm sure you've all seen my previous posts on dd's sleep, or lack of it.

She is very unsettled in the evening, as if she is waiting for the time when I will put her in with us. I feel the co-sleeping is encouraging her evening wakings.

Have any co-sleepers had this problem? Or have your dc's gone to bed at the same time as you? Not an option for me.

Hi foxy - she can't fall asleep with me as it would involve either my crawling into her cot or putting her into our bed at the start of the night, and me putting rails all the way around both sides and the bottom of the bed.

Ideally, I'd like her to fall asleep on her own and stay asleep in her own bed all night, or at least stay asleep for the majority of the evening before she comes in with us. Don't want much, do I!

Her going to bed at 11pm isn't an option as I work 4 days a week and she has to be up at 6.45 for nursery or to go her nan's.

I'm always a bit concerned about The Baby Whisperer as I feel like pick up put down just stimulates her and she gets crosser when I put her down.

Where can I find info re retreating?

I'll have a look in one of my (many!) books - just got to do LOs lunch, but I'll come back

Righto - I've got my Dr Tanya's Little Angels book out - basically you do your tea & bath routine, take the baby to her darkened room for last feed. You put her in her cot, without eye contact or saying anything. Keep it boring. Obviously she'll yell at you for having the audacity to put her in her bed, so you pick her up and give her a cuddle. Repeat as necessary. Its up to you if you leave her to yell at you for a few seconds, or pick her up straight away.

This method is about making her feel secure, not abandoned as CC can. So you cuddle her put her down, or sit by her so she can see you. Then you progress to sitting nearby (I 'shushed' so she knew I was close by even if she couldn't see me).

It was around this time that the light-show was helpful, because she'd get distracted by it and forget she wanted my attention. Then I'd wait on the other side of the door, and go in if I thought I needed to.

I have to say, LO never got upset. Yes she shouted, but didn't cry. And I use the little plug-in nightlight from Mothercare which give a very gentle warm glow, so its not pitch black.

That sounds similar to the Millpond clinic gradual retreat method. I suppose I did a similar thing with my DD but it didn't work until she was about 18 months. (I'd tried it on numerous occasions before) I think at 18 months she was just older and understood more fully what was happening.

BTW it's not a quick fix and you may have to step back a few paces at times of teething illness etc which is frustrating. People have also told me that CC is no guarantee either so don't be too concerned if it doesn't work immediately.

Good point GN, perseverence is sooo important.

Good luck tonight, whatever you decide to do Pinkjenny

i definately think consistency is the key, probably to everything actually, which is why I never succeeded with 'techniques'. Thankfully we muddled through doing our own thing. I'm tackling the tantrums with exactly the same approach, ie how shall we handle it today!

Thanks everyone. I'm well into this Parenting by Instinct thing.

Just wanted to say PJ that my dd was exactly the same. It was very frustrating. She'd wake up all evening until I went to bed and pop her into bed with me. I was up and down the stairs about ten times an evening. No chance of a relaxing evening with a film... I

I used to put her in her own cot in her own room in the evening then into bed with me from about 10.30 -11pm. Now (she's 16 months) I just put her to sleep in the middle of my bed at about 7 - 8pm and then join her a bit later!! She thankfully sleeps all evening and is undisturbed when we stumble over her in the dark, re-arrange the duvet and stub toes against the bed in the process.

Your lo will get there. Just repeat the mantra "It's just a phase, it's just a phase"