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Original poster

Shit mum who can’t cope anymore

44 replies

T1Dmumma · 09/12/2024 05:31

It's been another bad night, waking up every 50 mins, crying fussy baby, takes ages to put him down to sleep, fucking hours of rocking to sleep only for him to wake up again crying, I've had enough. I love him so so much when I'm not tired and he’s slept fairly well but nights when he wakes me yet another time I fucking hate him. I have to put him down before I do something terrible to him. I want to bite him, throw him and hurt him, I want to leave my house in my pyjamas in the middle of the night and never return. I'm fucking exhausted I just can't do it any more. I wanted this baby so much but I could kill him, no one cares how I feel I'm wasting away. My husband is useless and does nothing to help. He thinks sleep deprivation isn’t real and ‘you wanted this baby’ is helpful thing to say to me. I could honestly throw my baby down the stairs right now. He wakes between 3-4am for the day as well. I have another son who’s diabetic and 3 years old so i never get to sleep when baby sleeps. I can’t go on any more. I’m going to end up killing myself but no family seems to want to help me

OP posts:
DjCatnip · 09/12/2024 05:42

You need help, can you call your GP at 8am?

Original poster
T1Dmumma · 09/12/2024 05:48

what if they take my children off me, I could never live with myself

OP posts:
Upsycrazy · 09/12/2024 05:48

Hi OP. How old is your son.
I'd suggest you contact your GP ASAP. They will help.
I think it could also help to get your family to take your struggles more seriously if they know that you've been to the Dr because its so bad.
Your e not a shit mum because you're seaking help.

Imliterallywingingit · 09/12/2024 05:50

Sleep deprivation is very real and is torture however OP you sound like you are desperately struggling and you need to call your GP. Is there any other family members that would help or give you a break? Even if it’s for a few hours?

Jostuki · 09/12/2024 05:50

How is your baby if baby is in bed with you?

I always had mine in bed and never suffered with sleep deprivation as I would have a catch up nap or naps in the day but you mention your other child is diabetic. What about when he is at nursery?

Behindthethymes · 09/12/2024 05:58

Oh lovely. I wish I could give you a hug. Do you have any family or friends that could help? I’d be round in a jiffy if one of my friends was struggling.

Your dh is an absolute disgrace. Sleep deprivation is hell, and it’s dangerous. Please don’t take his opinion as anything other than self-serving nonsense. Reach out to anyone who can give you a break, you deserve support and help.

friendshipover24 · 09/12/2024 06:02

I’m very sorry that you’ve reached this point through having a useless partner & no family who seem to want to help. Have you spoken to your family honestly about how you are feeling?
Surely it’s better for them to take the kids away than for you to hurt the baby or yourself? Although I doubt this will happen because there is also their dad at home.

NotMeForBakeoff · 09/12/2024 06:09

How old is he OP? Sleep deprivation is hell.

I think you should get an urgent doctor's appointment as it may be that he is in pain of some sort and not able to sleep. You can also explain to the doctor how you're feeling.

Can you sleep when your partner comes home from work? He has to step up.

SaagAloopa · 09/12/2024 06:10

Heya OP. You need to phone your GP first thing this morning and make a same day appointment. They will help you. They have heard it all before but if you can't say the words show them your mumsnet post.

Your husband is making it worse and either doesn't understand the severity of your feelings or doesn't care. I would deal with this when you're feeling better. You will feel better.

NotMeForBakeoff · 09/12/2024 06:10

friendshipover24 · 09/12/2024 06:02

I’m very sorry that you’ve reached this point through having a useless partner & no family who seem to want to help. Have you spoken to your family honestly about how you are feeling?
Surely it’s better for them to take the kids away than for you to hurt the baby or yourself? Although I doubt this will happen because there is also their dad at home.

They won't take OP's children. They will work with her and provide respite.

SaagAloopa · 09/12/2024 06:11

You aren't the first mum to feel like this and you won't be the last, the GP can help.

BobbyDazzler11 · 09/12/2024 06:13

You're not well OP and it's not your fault. Seek help asap and noone will take your children. You will get the help you need.

post partum depression can be so so scary but many of us have been there and out the other end.

wishing you the best x

TouchOfSilverShampoo · 09/12/2024 06:17

You're NOT a shit mum at all but your husband sounds like a shit dad.

He would rather watch you struggle than be a hands-on father.

I had a similar experience with my 3rd. I would NEVER say this out loud but there were times when I hoped that she passed from SIDS so that I wouldn't have to carry on like that. I slept in 20 min increments and I thought well either DC dies or I do.

You're not alone op, they won't take your kids, that's also too much hard work for them. You need sleep and you need support. Possibly some antidepressants.

You can do this. And each week that passes it gets a little easier.

Silvertulips · 09/12/2024 06:20

Sounds like reflux and you can gets meds - or prop the baby up head above stomach.

Dont martyr on, they won’t take your baby, they now offer help!

grafittiartist · 09/12/2024 06:25

Sleep deprivation is horrific.
It took me to a a place I don't want to go back to.
Please believe that it does get better. There will be a day when you get proper rest and can enjoy your child. I promise.

Newyearnewnameagain20 · 09/12/2024 06:42

Oh my goodness , I empathise. My second was a horrible sleeper and I felt so much rage about it. Please get some help. How old is baby? Can you bedshare? You can do this safely and baby might sleep better. Or sleep train?

warofthetimemachines · 09/12/2024 06:43

You mostly need some sleep OP.
Is there anyone in your life who would come and help you for a day or two? One of your parents? Your Inlaws? A sister/brother or a friend?
Would someone be able to take the baby for a walk in the pram for a couple of hours during the day?
Does your 3 yr old go to nursery at all? Take whatever help anyone is able to offer and have a nap. Or multiple naps.
If you’re not breastfeeding could you have a night away from your kids? Is there anyone you trust to have your baby overnight? Presumably your husband knows who to look after your diabetic son overnight even if you don’t trust him to wake up for your newborn?

warofthetimemachines · 09/12/2024 06:44

Obviously one night’s sleep or an afternoon nap won’t solve the issues permanently but it might give you enough energy and clear thinking to help you get through going to see your gp and maybe setting up some more regular help.

oatmilk4breakfast · 09/12/2024 06:46

im so sorry this sounds horrible for you. Please know you are sleep deprived it’s a real thing used in torture situations and can be so dangerous. Ring Homestart. If there s a Family Action parents group in your area try them - you may need to go through doctor for that. Do you have health visitors number? You could try them first. They should help you not judge you. You don’t have to say everything in your head but if you can let them know you’re having ‘suicidal ideation’ in the worst moments they have to help not judge. I know everyone’s experience is different but post natal depression is better understood now. You need some help and some sleep. It doesn’t sound like you can count on your husband so do ring GP.

foghead · 09/12/2024 06:50

Your dh has a shit attitude.
Two things to look at -
Co sleeping - kick your dh out of bed and sleep with the baby
Reflux/dairy sensitivity - if your breastfeeding, cut out dairy from your own diet. If you're using formula, try a non dairy one after talking to health visitor/gp

MumonabikeE5 · 09/12/2024 07:02

You need help. they won’t take your children from you.
reach out to your gp, and ask for perinatal counselling because you are feeling anxious and overwhelmed and exhausted and this is manifesting in anger, and that you need help now.

i walked into the surgery
and the receptionist who is usually a very efficient impenetrable “make an appointment on the app”’ saw I was in a bad way, and sat me in the waiting room, held my baby, and let me wait until a dr could see me.
I doubt much happened in that appointment, but I was “seen” I was “heard” and I left knowing someone would help.

if your husband is useless and refuses to help you then reach out to a friend. If a woman who I barely knew asked me for help, to watch her baby whilst she slept because she was feeling so unwell I would help.
if help you have some uninterrupted sleep.

I have been here.
I promise that you can get through this.
it’s scary.
but you are not a bad mother to have come to feel like this.

if you are in London I’ll help.

MumonabikeE5 · 09/12/2024 07:04

foghead · 09/12/2024 06:50

Your dh has a shit attitude.
Two things to look at -
Co sleeping - kick your dh out of bed and sleep with the baby
Reflux/dairy sensitivity - if your breastfeeding, cut out dairy from your own diet. If you're using formula, try a non dairy one after talking to health visitor/gp

I was thinking reflux too.

My eldest sounds a lot like this baby, and he had silent reflex. Which was better once hen was on omemprzole or renitidine (I can’t remember which)
none of the over the counter stuff helped at all.

MumonabikeE5 · 09/12/2024 07:08

Newyearnewnameagain20 · 09/12/2024 06:42

Oh my goodness , I empathise. My second was a horrible sleeper and I felt so much rage about it. Please get some help. How old is baby? Can you bedshare? You can do this safely and baby might sleep better. Or sleep train?

I’m not sure a woman who is feeling like this can sleep train. You have to be very calm and resilient to sleep train.
which you can’t be when you are exhausted and overwhelmed.

ImTheOnlyUpsyOne · 09/12/2024 07:12

I'm so sorry OP, that sounds very rough.

How old is he?

Slimemonster · 09/12/2024 07:19

Definitely try bed sharing with baby if you aren't already (following the rules to stay safe)
Big hugs to you lovely.
Hubby needs to support you better.
Can he take some of the night shifts so you can catch an hour or two?
Can he (or someone) take the kids out for a few hours so you can go to bed for a bit?
No one will take your children off you - that is a very very last resort.
Please call your HV or GP (or both!)
And get toddler into nursery too.
Sending love to you.