Shit mum who can’t cope anymore

[T1Dmumma]

It's been another bad night, waking up every 50 mins, crying fussy baby, takes ages to put him down to sleep, fucking hours of rocking to sleep only for him to wake up again crying, I've had enough. I love him so so much when I'm not tired and he’s slept fairly well but nights when he wakes me yet another time I fucking hate him. I have to put him down before I do something terrible to him. I want to bite him, throw him and hurt him, I want to leave my house in my pyjamas in the middle of the night and never return. I'm fucking exhausted I just can't do it any more. I wanted this baby so much but I could kill him, no one cares how I feel I'm wasting away. My husband is useless and does nothing to help. He thinks sleep deprivation isn’t real and ‘you wanted this baby’ is helpful thing to say to me. I could honestly throw my baby down the stairs right now. He wakes between 3-4am for the day as well. I have another son who’s diabetic and 3 years old so i never get to sleep when baby sleeps. I can’t go on any more. I’m going to end up killing myself but no family seems to want to help me

Please reach out for help in real life.
You can always close the door to the nursery and let him cry if you need to. Sleep deprivation is torture.

If you have homestart in your area get in contact with them. I had a volunteer and they would hold the baby and watch toddler while I napped. Sometimes she'd take them to the park or whatever. Was an absolute god send

Please self refer to your local homestart today!!

Thank you everyone for your supportive messages.
hes 7 months old and been like this since birth. Even sometimes during the day he would scream and scream and scream.
he wont let hubby comfort him in the night so impossible for him to go to him even if he wanted to.
I’ve been to the doctor about the crying before and they just said give him solely breastmilk which doesn’t help me🫣
I’ve tried cosleeping and he still gets super unsettled.
he is a high needs baby the health visitor says and they just told me to go to him when he cries and there’s not much you can do as they can’t be ‘trained’ lol.

True. Good point. Just thinking what might help. I guess the GP or someone who can take the baby for a few hours at night for a few nights to get the OP back to some kind of normal to be able to face how to deal with it. Any grandparents around?

Well that’s a useless tone deaf response from the heath visitor isn’t it?!

Don’t let them put you off getting help. You need help. And If your husband can’t settle him then I guess he’ll just have to sit up all night with him. What a shit excuse for man!

Do you have extended family who could help? Is there a sleep school you could find and demand a referral to?

Don’t just accept this is your lot in life. Find the people who will help and ignore the useless so and so’s you’ve dealt with so far

https://www.cry-sis.org.uk

please give them a call x sleep deprivation is awful and you need support. You aren’t a shit mum you are an exhausted one. Agree with seeing GP again he sounds colicky.

The health visitor couldn’t have cared less.
hubby never really wanted this baby and I had a traumatic birth with him which didn’t help so they never properly bonded to start with.
I have a mother in law who watches him once a week for a few hours so I can take my eldest to a music group but her husband is a poorly man so is unable to have him all the time and she doesn’t drive either. My mum works full time too and that’s it for family 😣

not sure how useful the gp is going to be today. Last time I went for my mental health the doctor wasn’t sympathetic and just read me a list of questions and had no response to me

@T1Dmumma please go to your GP today, self refer to your local homestart - show them both your opening post if you can

Where roughly are you? South West for example? In case there is more specific help available.

You need a referral to perinatal mental health op, ask the gp to do that for you. I've been where you are I was very poorly with post partum anxiety which presented as ocd and intrusive thoughts, I was scaring myself the thoughts that would pop into my mind. The perinatal team are amazing, they will not judge you they are specially trained to deal with pregnancy and post partum mental health issues. Please ask for the referral the sooner you're on the agenda the better. In the meantime you need to sleep when the baby does, I know this is harder than it seems, your dh needs a kick up the arse !!

A shit mum is one that doesn't seek help, so well done for posting here. Speak with your HV or GP today or call NHS24. Someone will be able to help you right now.

Good, I’m glad to hear it. Hope OP gets the support she needs.

Hello @T1Dmumma you're getting some excellent advice on the thread but we're just adding a few links to resources that might help. The NHS has put together a leaflet called New Mum Wellbeing with some info on where to find help. The Maternal Mental Health Alliance also has some advice on staying well.

All the best, OP. We know it can be really hard and overwhelming but you are not alone.

This all sounds so hard.

are you, by chance, London based?
if you are I have a wide group of mother friends who have suffered from poor mental health, who remember how it is, and help each other.

tell your gp you need perinatal mental health support.
demand it.

and if you can’t use familial support do you have the means to pay for a mothers help who can do some support give you time to sleep during the day?

my son cried endlessly .
i used to send my husband out after baby had had a feed with instructions not to come home for 3 hours.
he wore him in a sling and walked the whole time .
he knew that he needed to give me that time .

if you were near me I could do the same for you.
.

Hi OP, can I ask how you are doing now? Have things improved for you and have you found help? Sending love, mum life is so hard xx

Also sending love if you're still reading the thread.
If there's a family hub near you that might also be a good place to get advice on who could help nearby.
I hope things improve soon and you are able to see that you're not a bad mum at all very soon.

Hi OP just wondering how your getting on? I do hope you're OK!

I know you say your mum works full time, but if you have a good relationship with her I honestly don’t think she’d mind watching the baby for a few hours on her days off while you get some rest as a one off while you get re-centred.
You have my complete sympathies, I only have one child but he was exactly the same as yours and it’s a killer, you feel like it’s something you’re doing wrong and that everyone else has cracked some sleep formula hack.