8 week old wont sleep on his own

[ladyrev]

Help!!

As new mumsnet fan I am looking for some help. My eight week old DS just doesn't seem to want to go to sleep on his own. He tends to go to sleep either in my husbands arms or during feeding but when we try to put him down in his Moses Basket he usually wakes up after 10-15 mins screaming. We have tried everything we can think of from swaddling him to putting some of my worn clothes in with him but nothing seems to work. He does sleep if he comes into bed with me, but the bed just aint big enough for him and my DH and also I am worried about him getting to hot under the duvet. Any suggestions, since he was born he has cried if put down at any time..should we just put him down and let him cry?

I had the same thing hapen with both of my children. I am sure you will be happy to know that they both grew out of it. In the end I put a futon on the floor, and slept with them, under a sheet and blanket. As time went on I would put the carry cot next to me on the floor. After a feed in the night I would place the babe in the carrycot and sleep next to them. The amount of time they spent with me declined, and the time in the cot went up. After many weeks I would put them in the big cot, still sleeping next to them. By the time they were 3 months old they would sleep in the cot, and I was back in bed with Dh. But please note I am no expert, this was just what worked for us. They are both now sleeping in beds, and are both good sleepers, so don't assume that this problem will go on forever, it doesn't, even if it seems as if it will at the moment IYSWIM

I found my dd wouldn't sleep in her carrycot and she ended up sleeping in bed with me. I probably shouldn't admit this but she slept under the duvet with me - as she was in my arms and feeding pretty regularly I could tell when she was getting warm and would move the duvet. As she got older I got a gro-bag and put her in that and tucked the duvet round me. I don't know what your cot is like but the one I have has 3 levels and the highest one is the same level as the bed so I took the side of and pushed it up to the bed - this gives us loads more space and I can roll dd into her cot.
Unfortuantly unlike hmb children, dd hasn't yet grown out of crying when put down and only goes to sleep if I am next to her (I have to creep away once she is asleep) - she is 8 months old.
There was a thread recently about letting an 8 week old CIO and the consensus seemed to be that they were too young at that age.
Perhaps your dh will have to move

ladyrev,
yes, I've been there too. DD wouldn't sleep in a moses basket at all - she was only slightly better with the cot but now at nearly 22 months, she has only slept through the night in her cot about 5 times in her life. We went though CC when she was between 10 and 12 months, got nowhere with it, gave in and accepted that we would co-sleep until she grew out of it.
As you say, the bed isn't big enough for 3, and as a result DH and I haven't slept in the same bed (except on holiday) since March!! We take it in turns to be 'on duty' and that way, everybody gets a reasonable night's sleep. I know this goes totally against all the advice from books, HV etc, but in our experience you have to do whatever it takes to get a decent amount of rest - especially if you are working full time like us.
Best wishes ... CM

I also had this with dd. She seemed to dislike the sides of the carrycot for some reason - probably because I didn't swaddle her very well and her arms kept escaping and scratching on the wicker. I kept her in bed with me during the night (under the duvet as well I'm ashamed to say) but put her straight in her big cot for naps during the day to get used to it. After a few weeks I managed to get her to sleep the last part of the night after her feed in her big cot and then gradually got her to stay there for more and more of the night. Within a few months she was there for the whole night. The hardest part was getting her to go to sleep there at the very start of the night. While all this was going on poor dh was sleeping on a futon in our bedroom.

Not liking the sdes of the cot rings a bell with me. Dd would nevel sleep in the swinging crib, but was happier in the big cot. I think it was something to do with her being able to hit the sides of the smaller crib, and she didn't like it.
We had the same experience as you did laganlover except it was me on the futon! Silly me!!

My ds was just the same. Hated his Moses basket with a vengeance, which was upsetting as it was John Lewis's most expensive number in a v stylish white pique! He slept with me (usually with dh in other room so he could get some kip) for the first few months (I think, funny how your memory fades!) then went directly into his big cot which he much preferred. I think he liked the space to fling out his arms and the fact he could see out. I had my ds with me under the duvet too. He never seemed too hot to me esp at this time of year. My ds also loved to be carried and cuddled. But now since 8months he sleeps all his naps and all night in his cot in his room, sleeps really well and is still very affectionate and cuddly (calls Mummy a 'good boy'!) Please don't worry or let it spoil these lovely early weeks with your baby. I rather miss having a lovely cuddly sleep together these days.

I took the harsh approach & firmly shut the door on my 3 week old - yes, he cried for well over an hour, but that was all - ever since he's gone to bed very happily, we can hear him laughing & playing in his cot before he goes to sleep & when he wakes up (now 21 months) - but I know this isn't a popular way of doing things on Mumsnet !!

My 10 week old DS doesn't like sleeping in his Moses basket very much either; after feeding during the night I keep him in bed with me or put him in his car seat and bounce him gently which always settles him down very quickly. When he is soundly asleep I sometimes transfer him to the Moses basket so that he will get used to it but he often wakes up within minutes and I give up because I really need to get some sleep myself!

Don't worry Lindy, I did the same. I was at the end of my tether one night and was falling asleep on the settee when I thought this is dangerous, my body can't take any more.

She cried for a while but she was crying anyway and then went fast asleep.

IF you wanted to make your bed seem bigger we found putting a bed guard on one side gave us more mattress to use. I have slept with my babies under the duvet - I work on the principle that if they are too hot I will know because I'm cuddled up to them.

Our baby is 15mths, she happily goes into her cot after her last feed but when she wakes during the night she comes into bed with us - we are happy with this but when she's been restless in our bed we've put her back in the cot and she's fine. As a younger baby I couldn't put her down at all without her crying and she always went to sleep in our arms. Our 4 yr old sleeps in her own bed all night and she has done since about 8mths old, our older 3 all gradually went off to sleep by themselves.

I could never leave any of my babies to cry themselves to sleep - how lonely that must feel and I'm shocked that someone could leave a 3wk old to cry at all let alone for an hour

Hi ladyrev
my dd who is now 14 motnhs was exactly the same as yours. It won't last forever. I felt like I was feeding for 24 hours and yes she'd only sleep in our arms. She slept in a sleeping bag either in our bed (no duvet on top) and gradually during the day from about 8 weeks, I started "training "her to sleep on her own. We bought the Jaygee babysoothe CD/tape which is a "wombs sound" CD - it sounds absolutely awful, but it started working within seconds of putting it on (longest, 2 minutes - but not bawling screaming just little protest as she struggled to fall asleep)
From about 4 months she started sleeping in the cot on her own, but only after feeds (falling asleep on breast) and then at about 6 months we weaned her onto the bottle and she also around the same time went to sleep on her own. For about a month, I'd been putting her into her cot for daytime naps but would need the womb sounds to soothe her. Apart from when she's been ill recently, she is very happy to go into her cot awake, turn over and go to sleep on her own.

The first 3 months are really tough and yes some parents prescribe to controlled crying but dh and I decided that wasn't our style - it gets easier and easier - I promise you. It's normal for a baby to want the comfort of his/her parents - I recently heard someone talk of not 9 months gestation, but 12 months - so infact our babies still need us constantly for the first 3 months. I wholeheartedly agree! Good luck!

Ladyrev,
I haven't read all the replys so may be repeating what others have said!. I think the main thing to remember is that 8 weeks is SO young, I really think we ask too much of our babies by expecting them to happily sleep on their own at this age. I realise that some babies do, but I'm sure that most don't!. It will get easier, but at this stage it might be better not to worry about it, it may be that he will suddenly find his own routine and go along with it. I should probably add that I have a 2 year old daughter who still regularly climbs in with us at 3 am, so may not be the best person to advise you!. The way I look at it, in 15 years time they'll probably be too ashamed to walk down the street with us, let alone want to get into our bed! Seriously though, I do realise that it is tiring and can be upsetting, in the end you need to do whatever gets you, your husband and your son the best nights sleep. Be warned though, leaving them to cry is not for the faint-hearted - I've tried it loads of times, but I'm too soft!!. Good Luck!

Ladyrev, I had the same experience. I haven't read all the responses, but we ended up buying a king size bed and sleeping with dd until about 3 or 4 months, when we just started putting her in the crib, and she has been a good sleeper ever since. During dd's first 3 months, I recall feeding constantly, so it was convenient to have dd nearby. All I can say is that it eventually passes, and you'll be able to put her in her crib eventually. I was convinced that dd just plain didn't like the moses basket. She NEVER slept in it. The other thing I should say is that we ended up putting dd on her tummy because she slept more soundly and for a longer period of time on her tummy - but as you probably know, this is strongly criticized. Our pediatrician told us not to do it, but it was the only way dd would sleep.

Ladyrev, I would consider cranial osteopathy if he doesn't like being put down at all, its very safe and non-invasive treatment that can work wonders with clingy/irritable babies. I think if your baby is under 10 weeks you can often get free treatment.

I would agree with the majority of replies - both my daughters have co-slept with me when young, the 15 month old still does. 8 weeks is very young - your baby was snug and safe in your tummy for 9 months, it's a lot to suddenly expect them to fend for themselves and do without your physical presence and comfort just because it's night-time. I wouldn't advise leaving him to cry, especially at such a young age. Couldn't you either get dh to sleep elsewhere, or perhaps move the cot beside your bed?

I'm scared to admit this because I'm sure people will hate me for it but DD has slept on her own in her cot in another room since the day she came home from the hospital.

And she has been sleeping through the night since 7-8 weeks old so there has never been a need for either DW or I to sleep with her.

SimonHoward, I've got a friend who has done that with all three of hers too. Jealous, moi?

Well said Simonhoward, I am a bit reluctant to join this thread again as my earlier comments were criticised but it would seem that, if you can be (& I do appreciate that not everyone can be strict) 'tough' it does work. Clearly, some parents don't mind having their babies sleep with them and that's fine, if it suits them, but this thread was specifically started by someone who wanted her child to get to sleep on their own.

Out of interest, have any mums (or dads) who have been 'tough' about controlled crying, babies sleeping on thier own etc found that it HASN'T WORKED - despite really sticking to the routine?

Christopher Green has an excellent book about getting babies (and toddlers) to sleep - can't remember the title, but it is full of common sense.

SimonHoward, don't be scared, there are plenty of people that do that with their babies and if it works for you then fine.

They grow up very very quickly though so you may find you miss the closeness of those early days - I know I will treasure co-sleeping with both of mine, even if it was only for the first few weeks. I co-slept and fed dd2 on demand, and she slept through the night from 6 weeks (11-7) so I think it just depends on the baby.

No magic solution but I do sympathise, ladyrev. My firstborn was a model baby and she slept on her own from birth and slept through regularly from about 10 weeks. Naturally, I put this down to my parenting skills. Ha! Child 2 woke up every hour from the night he was born and ended up in bed with me. He then slept with me most of the time for several months. DH and I had two single beds pushed together so there was plenty of room for all 4 of us if necessary. (A king size duvet will cover two 3 foot beds!) In your situation, I would look for a way for everyone to get as much sleep as possible without worrying about who sleeps where. It really doesn't last forever (although it may feel like it now).

Lindy, the first time I did cc my ds cried without stopping or subsiding in any way for more than three hours. It was awful. He just got more and more upset. It was just too early for him. I did it again at 8months when I felt he was ready at last (I was so knackered too) and it took 20minutes. Lots of babies won't go into routines early either and that makes mums depressed sometimes and feel like failures. So IME being 'tough' doesn't work for every baby if it is done too early for that child. However, it clearly isn't wrong to put a child in a separate room to sleep if they are perfectly OK with it and sleep through early. This wasn't ever going to happen with my ds! Babies come in many varieties it seems. Some are sucky, some are clingy, some are placid etc etc and you have to work with what you've got. I do advocate leaving babies to cry themselves to sleep sometimes and I am delighted not to co-sleep except with my dh but it takes some babies longer than others to be ready for these things. I am sure that eventually ladyrev's baby will be more able to cope with being on his own just as mine did - I nudged things along, but realised there was a limit to what we could both cope with. A few weeks of co-sleeping isn't so terrible IMO.

Enid

With the shifts that I did and now still do co-sleeping is not an option if I want to be more alert than a zombie.

When I did the early starts before DD was born and for a while after I slept on the sofa. And when DW decides we are having No2 then I'm sure that the sofa will be well used again.

I would love to have had the time and opportunity to see my little girl grow up but if we want a house to put her in and all her toys then I must work and currently it is winding me up as most days I get to see her for about 10 minutes just before bed and I miss not seing her terribly.

Can I just remind people that, no matter what works for you, current cot-death advice is that a baby should sleep in the same ROOM as their parents for 6 months, to reduce cot death risk.

My ds slept well in a moses basket once we came home (hated his plastic sandwich box in the hospital, we were in 3 nts cos of ceasarian).
but after 8 weeks we moved him to his own room cos every sigh, cough or burp he made woke me. As my father had died 11 days after ds's birth I was under much stress and needed as much sleep as a new mother can get (never enough).
He settled straight away but I know we were lucky.
I would always say do what feels right and works for you.

susanmt, I have read that recommendation, but to be honest I don't believe it is based on particularly strong evidence. The strongest risk factors for cot death are sleeping on the front and smoking in the household. Also sleeping with the baby on a sofa. In the absence of these risk factors, the risk of cot death is really very low, and I'm not sure that sleeping in the same room is going to reduce it much further (well, presumably it doesn't reduce the risk directly, but perhaps makes you more aware if there is a problem with the baby).
I suppose I should confess to an interest here - ds was out of our room at 8 weeks - I've always found it quite impossible to sleep with him anywhere near me!!