8 week old wont sleep on his own

[ladyrev]

Help!!

As new mumsnet fan I am looking for some help. My eight week old DS just doesn't seem to want to go to sleep on his own. He tends to go to sleep either in my husbands arms or during feeding but when we try to put him down in his Moses Basket he usually wakes up after 10-15 mins screaming. We have tried everything we can think of from swaddling him to putting some of my worn clothes in with him but nothing seems to work. He does sleep if he comes into bed with me, but the bed just aint big enough for him and my DH and also I am worried about him getting to hot under the duvet. Any suggestions, since he was born he has cried if put down at any time..should we just put him down and let him cry?

susanmt - out of interest, could you elaborate on the research behind this? Personally, it's far too late for me (gave up when DS was 3 weeks) but I would like to know the reasons for it.

Thanks in advance.

I think the reason is that young babies can 'forget' to breathe if they are in a totally quiet environment, and that the noises that parents make in their sleep keep them awake enough so they dont fall in to a relly deep sleep and therefore they don't 'forget'. It isn't the biggest risk factor, but it is one of them (just in the stuff I was given from the hospital.) I am sure one of the midwives or other health professionals could fill us in in more detail.
Mind you, in our house you could sleep in any bedroom (including downstairs) and dh's snoring could keep you awake all night!

My midwives and health visitors have always reminded me of the 6 month 'rule'. Didn't do it myself I must say but I can imagine that there is some truth in it.

There has been research done by a Dr James McKenna (director of the Center for Behavioural Studies of Mother-Infant Sleep at Notre Dame University). Studies he has done suggest that the mother's presence has a direct effect on her infant's physiology in the following ways that help protect against SIDS:

The arousals that some of you mention are meant to be important as it stops the baby from sleeping too deeply.

Mother and baby have harmonious sleep ie they are in the same stages of sleep (REM or non-REM).

Babies that are prone to irregular breathing and apnea experience these episodes during deep sleep.

Less deep sleep means less risk.

It is also thought that the baby hearing you breath reminds them to breath.

I also believe that if your baby is close by you instinctively know if something is wrong. You wake and sort it out.

I would be interested to know if there are any statistics on the number of cot deaths that occur when the baby is in their own room compared to babies sharing their parents room.

On a personal note - I did co-sleep and dd has just moved into her own room (she is almost 9 months). It has only been 3 nights but last night she went to sleep (in her cot) at 8.30 pm she woke at 11pm settled back without a feed and slept from 11.30pm till 7.30 am. No tears. It has been, so far (touch loads of wood), much easier than I expected. But I do feel she wasn't ready to be on her own any sooner. It also gave me chance to prepare us gently for the move - I have been getting her to sleep without always feeding her and I had the cot with the side off next to the bed so I could roll her in so she wasn't sleeping in my arms. This has all taken time and I gather from a lot of postings some of you just don't have this patience. But I truely believe you have to respect your baby as they are undergoing so many changes and they need you to guide and support them. If your baby is a good sleeper it makes thing so much easier but not all babies are and to "condition" them to be felt very wrong to me.

My ds went into his own room (next to ours) before six months as we were both keeping each other awake. It was nothing to do with lack of patience but a lot to do with chronic sleep deprivation. He still woke but slightly less when in his own room and as an enormous, healthy baby with no problems breathing I felt quite able to judge that it was safe. I slept far better too, without waking at his every movement, which made it easier to cope.

All of my children have slept next to my bed in a crib or moses basket. I am not an advocate of co-sleeping although I like to have them close by me until about the age of 6 months when they go into their own room.

Aloha - that was what I was trying to say that you judge your own baby as only you know what they are like, you can't let a book or people tell you what your baby should be doing. As my FIL says a baby isn't a toy that can be switched off at the end of the night and switched on again in the morning!!

my 8 week old ds will not sleep in moses basket cot or crib even by my bed he will only sleep with me, he wont be put down and letting him cry doesnt work because he doesnt stop! help im going crazy my house is a mess i cant cook dinner because he he wont let me! help help!

Both my sons have refused to sleep on their own at the start. This is normal! I can see why people like to get babies to sleep on their own, but babies want to sleep with us. It's not in any way unusual for a newborn baby to want to be with someone all the time.

I co-slept with DS1 until he was three months old. DS2 is 6 weeks, and sleeping with us. We might co-sleep longer with him, as he's easier to sleep with - he doesn't stir if I roll over.

Yes, the duvet isn't great for cot death risk, although I'm careful to make sure it doesn't go over his face. The big risks are, as everyone has said, smoking and front-sleeping. Other things that increase risk are bottle-feeding, and premature birth. I think if you're ok on all the big risks, it's not that dangerous to not watch all the little ones (sharing a bed, or not sharing a room).