6 year old DD will not go to sleep and I am at breaking point

[Jojotodd]

My DD is 6 - she is so headstrong and stubborn but it has reached an all time level at bedtime. Tonight I have been trying to get her to sleep since 7.30. She is currently sitting on the floor near her bedroom door. We do bath, story and then she has a night light and audiobook. But she will not stay in bed. She keeps getting up to come into my room. I am trying the super nanny method of putting her back in her bed and saying go to sleep the first few times and then trying not to speak. But tonight she is still going - putting all of her toys in her bed and playing with them. I have now taken the toys away- but I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. She is literally screaming the house down every time I put her back to bed.
She used to go to sleep ok - she used to get up a couple of times but would eventually go to sleep. But now it takes 2 hours plus every night and it’s awful.
I feel awful because she wants to sleep with me and I am so close to caving because I hate seeing her this upset. It’s also affecting my son because he can’t sleep while this is going on.
Any advice would be appreciated. We make sure the room is nice and quiet and not too hot. She has water and a toy to cuddle.
I’m at my breaking point

Is she in a room by herself? If so, I'd just let her play with her toys. She'll get tired eventually.

That sounds tough.
Is it you she wants, or just not to go to sleep?

I stopped with "you must sleep" a long time ago. We moved to "you need to be quiet, and in your bedroom". But if she wants you, that won't achieve anything.

Or, might a later bedtime help? How early does she get up in the morning? Some kids just need less sleep.

Hope she's quiet soon.

Just let her play with her toys. You’re making a battle when you needn’t.

The only thing you need to enforce is in room, lights off. And then you go have your evening.

make the bedtime 8pm, and just leave.

she’ll crash out eventually.

Why can't she sleep with you? She's only 6; all her instincts are telling her it's unsafe to be alone in the dark. Don't matter how you explain she's safe, her lizard brain doesn't know that.

I'd let her sleep with you and move her to her own bed after she's asleep or lay with her in her bed.

She needs more exercise in the day, so she's actually tired.

At 6 the structured sports clubs are not at all tiring, they take turns and it's v minimal exercise, so parents are imagining 30mins of swimming, say, but it's really less than 10, all broken up.

We had this, turned out our 6 yr old at the time just wasn’t tired enough. Now 7 and bedtime went from 8.00 - 8.30 and sometimes a little later. Goes to bed so much easier as he can tell he’s tired. Doesn’t seem any more tired during the day as he was staying that late before due to the arguing. Life is much less stressful now!

Do 6 year olds go to bed at 7.30 - seems very early to me. She could read or play for a bit longer?

Maybe 7.30 is too early for her and she genuinely isn’t tired

Was it just tonight, or every night? You can’t make her sleep. And she can’t make herself sleep if she isn’t tired. So you either need to let her play quietly or change your mindset slightly and let her stay up later. All children and families are different. Don’t send her to bed because it’s what should happen.

My dd as like this. I'd remove her toys from her room except for a few books and let her read for a bit. Make sure she gets up when she needs to. I found taking my dd to the park and making her run around or cycle her bike after school helped. Protein rich dinner. Audiobook. I remember saying "if you don't go to sleep then I can't do your face paint in the morning because I'll be too tired" worked a treat but you have to have something to be too tired for!

Try the Sleep Charity Website for ideas and support. They also have a helpline.

I'd say it's just too early. I have 9 children and some just don't need as much sleep as others. Youngest is 3 yrs 10 months and really only needs around 9.5hrs hours sleep. She generally goes to sleep around 9:30 and gets up at 7am.

I’d go for a later bedtime. If you really want the earlier bedtime you may need to consistently wake her up earlier every morning. Her sleep needs may be lower.

Agree that 7:30 may be too early - some children might only need 9-10h overnight at this age. I'd probably push bedtime to 8-8:30 and let her play with the toys till she falls asleep. My son has toys in his room and when he isn't tired enough sometimes gets out and has a play, and eventually goes to bed. He is 5, and just leave him to it!

I'd either let her sleep in your room or play quietly in her room until tired.

You're creating an unnecessary battle by taking toys away at this hour.

No one can be made to sleep.

You’re trying to get her to bed too early and she’s not tired yet. If she’s happy playing quietly in her room leave her be. My 3yo (who doesn’t nap) goes to sleep between 8.30-9 most nights

I’d let her play with her toys. Just don’t engage. Hopefully she’ll get tired / bored and eventually go to sleep.

If it’s regularly taking 2 hours for your DC to fall asleep then it’s glaringly obvious she isn’t tired yet.

I don’t understand why so many people seem to out themselves through these farcical 2 hour long bedtime routines before their child sleeps and rather than just accepting it’s not time for them to sleep.

I just think you are putting her to bed too early. By that age my son was up until about 8:30 because trying to get him to sleep earlier just resulted in a wasted hour and everyone getting wound up.

Like other people have said, don’t make it a battle about falling asleep. Just say after X time Mummy isn’t available to play/chat/engage. You can play in your room, then the lights are off. What you do in the dark I don’t mind. Soon she will realise it is boring and go to sleep.

Like others, I’ve never said ‘go to sleep now’. DCs go to bed at the set time (or thereabouts 😅) and then just play Lego / read until tired and sleep when they’re ready.

Also agree with PP, I think bedtime is too early. DD is 4.5 and goes to bed at 7.45pm, normally asleep just after 8pm. Starting full time school has made no difference to this. She also attends 3 clubs a week and we are out most of the weekend. She just has loads of energy x

I literally wrote this exact post about six months ago, had lots of lovely posters giving me some amazing advice, for which I am very grateful.

Sadly, none of it worked, or I was already doing it. I've had to accept that her bedtime (no matter how much exercise/brain stimulation she has had in a day) is now 9pm. Oh and she's sleeping in my bed. Which has helped with the constant coming downstairs etc. But hardly relaxing for me.

It's a killer, especially when I am up at 5.30 for work and means I get no downtime at all, but I think just accepting that perhaps she is a kid who doesn't actually need that much sleep has helped a tiny bit.

Much solidarity to you.

Go to the GP and get melatonin? We did after many years of stress and trauma. Wish we'd done it years before. Tried everything and it was the only thing that saved our sanity (and dd's). Good luck

I don't think it's too early. Is it every night? Or just a one off? Just a one off, I'd let them come downstairs, make a warm milk, sit quietly for a bit and try again.
If its every night, then I would try looking at what happens? Does she get lots of attention? Do you let her into your bed? Is she tired enough, hungry, thirsty? Do you actually need to start bedtime earlier? Maybe she's gone past the magic tired point?