6 year old DD will not go to sleep and I am at breaking point

[Jojotodd]

My DD is 6 - she is so headstrong and stubborn but it has reached an all time level at bedtime. Tonight I have been trying to get her to sleep since 7.30. She is currently sitting on the floor near her bedroom door. We do bath, story and then she has a night light and audiobook. But she will not stay in bed. She keeps getting up to come into my room. I am trying the super nanny method of putting her back in her bed and saying go to sleep the first few times and then trying not to speak. But tonight she is still going - putting all of her toys in her bed and playing with them. I have now taken the toys away- but I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. She is literally screaming the house down every time I put her back to bed.
She used to go to sleep ok - she used to get up a couple of times but would eventually go to sleep. But now it takes 2 hours plus every night and it’s awful.
I feel awful because she wants to sleep with me and I am so close to caving because I hate seeing her this upset. It’s also affecting my son because he can’t sleep while this is going on.
Any advice would be appreciated. We make sure the room is nice and quiet and not too hot. She has water and a toy to cuddle.
I’m at my breaking point

It sounds like she just isn’t tired enough and needs a late bedtime.

*later

Have you tried a later bed time? 7:30 is incredibly early. At that age DD would’ve been going to bed at around 9pm.

What time is she up? My dd was not going to be at that time when she was 6. It sounds like she's just not tired.

Have you asked her what is making her want to sleep with you rather than in her own room? What way does she feel when she's in bed by herself?

My eldest won't sleep til gone 11 most nights. I gave up a long time ago. She just has to stay in her room now. And I go to sleep before her often. She's only 4 😅 I have 3 year old and 1 year old also

I would just leave her. My 6 year old sometimes doesn’t go to sleep until 9, sometimes later I just let her stay in her room or upstairs doing what she likes and she goes to sleep eventually. I have a rule that she gets packed off upstairs after approx 7.30 though as we need our quiet time downstairs!

*sometimes earlier I meant not sometimes later 🙈

DS is similar, we do bedtime routine around 1930 and the rule is unless he needs the loo or needs us for anything he can play as long as hes sensible and stays in his room. He loves this time to unwind and relax a bit in his own space, he tends to then either say when he's ready to be tucked in or he'll head into bed himself when he's ready and I'll make sure he's tucked in properly etc when he's asleep (we have already done bedtime routine by this point so story, wash, plenty of cuddles and goodnights so I don't feel bad if he puts himself to bed after). He's usually asleep within the hour, if we actively try and make a thing of him sleeping he'll be awake for hours in defiance.

Obviously up to you, but I'd try similar so you have a bit of evening to yourself and everyone is generally less stressed.

Put her to bed later.

Also tell her she can play in her bedroom but can't come out.

If she crawls in with you does she fall asleep right away? If she does other I'd let her sleep with you.

Is she tired enough? If she's playing maybe not. What would happen if you left her to it with the toys or shifted her bedtime half an hour later?

Yes maybe try later bedtime, let her play.

inhave a 6yr old and he goes to bed 7.30/7.45 and is awake between 6-7am regardless of time. He needs that sleep. His brother is 10 and goes to bed at 8.45

We had this with my son.
I am a naturally quite authoritarian parent and assumed he was being naughty. Started off sending him back to bed, escalated over 2 weeks to unfortunately me really screaming and shouting, loads of consequences. Basically I went too far and had nowhere left to go unless I was prepared to start hitting him.
Decided on a different approach and let him sleep with me or DH, we took it in turns. Realised this was anxiety not naughtiness, and I had probably been making it worse.
He was also getting up every time he woke in the night before we decided to just sleep
with him. Awful for everyone.
Lots of love, cuddles, closeness at night solved the issue - he is now 8.5 and still has some anxiety issues which occasionally give him trouble but it only took 3 weeks of sleeping with him before he was falling asleep in his own bed again.
My husband also did 15 mins with him every night with a book where they write down his fears, explored them, figured what the worst that could happen would be and wrote down how to cope. We treated it (sleeping in your own bed all night) like a joint project we were all working on together. Talked about it quite openly.
Hope things improve soon.

I don't think anyone here has been through this atall. The answers are all so generic and what everyone say even they think its that easy. My 7 yr old daughter does not go to bed well. Example right now we've been at lakeside since 10am this morning, running round all day ti the point she's crying that her legs hurt. She is exhausted yet its now 11pm and she still cannot go to sleep. I could get her up at 5am and believe me the outcome would be the same. We have tried every single herb, tea, vitamin routine you name it we've done it. I'm am so drained people have no idea how hard it is. I am so sympathetic of you because people think it's an easy fix when she's been this way her whole life. I've never left the newborn stage of tiredness because she wake sup in the night still too. I'll suggest a few things that may help, magnesium and tarte cherry juice (not from.concetrate) mixed with some tonic water before bed. and sleepy tea from aldi/lidl/twining. I really hope things change for you and its a phase for your daughter because I'd not wish this on anyone.

We did this and everyone slept a lot better and were a lot happier instantly! No amount of exercise, changed routines, screen time, or anything else moved the needle. Honestly I'd do it again. She just wanted me really. In the end we decided why not, she's young. It passed and in the meantime nobody got horrible sleep deprivation or long depressing attempts at bedtime.

Absolutely get where you are with this, and it's tough.

Our DD is almost 6 and he's taking up to hours to go to sleep. That's after being up from 6am (he's never slept past 6:45), every day and having busy and active days. We have a calm bed time routine involving bath and stories and we put him down to bed anywhere between 7-7:30. We've tried going later but it makes not difference and he still wakes early. We've tried going earlier but it makes no difference and he wakes even earlier.

He has a great diet, active days, busy days with activities and mental stimulation, has a magnesium supplement but absolutely nothing ever makes a difference!

Firstly not all kids are 7pm - 7am children. My niece from day one has been a night owl and does better and happy with a 10pm bedtime, she is a high achiever and so bright. Sleep needs vary.
Secondly my parents never turned us away from sharing thwir bed until we got to age 10. Nightmares and also the thought of having bad dreams kept me awake. Even around age 9 and 10 my parents just set up a space on the floor for me to sleep in i wouls bring my pillow and blanket. And eventually i stopped and was able to deal with nightmares and fears independently. But my parents never turned us away or asleep trained ua. Never existed. Whats the harm in her being comforted by your presence? Well rested no matter how is more important. Ans you are disturbing your son with this nonsensical war over where she sleeps.
In my culture back home familes share the same room for a looooooong time. It isn't abnormal. Western society has messed everything up.

This. If she's not tired then she's not tired.

I didn't sleep a lot as a child. In the end my parents installed a little light ( I slept on a bottom bunk ) and I could read until I was sleepy. My mum said she often came up to bed herself at 1am and I would still be awake reading

Also... my ds is 8 and still likes sleeping next to me. I see no harm in it, he will grow out of it eventually

Kids this age need 9-12 hours a night NHS guidance) . Mine goes 10pm. Your bedtime sounds far too early.

My daughter had trouble settling down to sleep and was really restless and seemed to 'come alive' in the evening. I used a mix of passionflower/chamomille herb in water for her and some Coffea 30c homeopathic remedy. I know lots on here will mock me for using natural therapies, but they worked for us.

Do you have a toni box or equivalent so she can listen to stories? We’re old school and my youngest (ten) still listens to a just William story on cd going to sleep but the toni boxes look lovely, and you can record stories of your own so grandparents etc could record some.
My daughter just takes a while to get to sleep and would get bored, so we found lying in bed and listening to (comforting rather than overly exciting!) stories was a game changer at that age.

i get why people say just let her sleep with you and I’m just lucky that neither of mine have ever really been fussed about coming into our bed (we only have a normal sized double bed which is not the norm anymore I think! So maybe that’s partly why). But I assume you want to stay up later than a six year old and she would want you to be there, so that’s not really going to work.

But I reckon it’s fine to let her play quietly with her toys in bed. I used to burrow down to the bottom of my bed under my duvet and pretend I was a fox cub for ages after lights out but I was quiet and in bed and I’d drift off to sleep in the end so no harm done!

During the day lots and lots of exercise whatever the weather - walking, running, cycling, park, soft play

A after tea stroll round the block last thing can also be very calming.

then after bedtime routine (bath, milk and banana) listen to lovely audible book stories together in a dark room, cuddle up together, have a special teddy, spray some lavender or whatever. Audible stories in the dark made a real difference to my kids.

Another vote for audio books. Helped mine to stay in bed and in their rooms.