Cry it out?

[NaatQ968]

I don't know about the cry it out method, our daughter is 16 months and still wants a cuddle to bed every night but it's proving difficult when other people have her.

What do you all think?

Me and my partner keep arguing about it....

”still wants a cuddle” - the use of still implies you think this is not normal, should be diff by this age?
It’s totally normally she is a baby!!! Pls don’t use cry it out.

I'd give her a cuddle all day everyday....

But she needs to learn to get to sleep on her own, HV said so too 😕

Do you mean controlled crying?
Cry it out is basically just ignoring them until they learn there's no point crying and imo is abusive.
Controlled crying OTOH, while not something I personally wanted to do, is actually a very caring and loving way to sleep train and involves a lot of time, effort and attention.

Which one of you is in favour of leaving a baby to cry herself to sleep? Leaving her to wonder where you are, why no one’s coming and possibly vomiting before she gives up?

There’s no “method”, it’s leaving a baby to cry.

Who are you leaving her with and why won’t they cuddle her till she nods off? It’s a perfectly normal thing to do for a baby.

No she doesn’t. And your health visitor is talking absolute crap. You know your baby better than she does, if you want to cuddle her to sleep please continue to do so!

cuddle weaning worked well for us. Went from cuddling and rocking until asleep to having cuddle and rocking quickly then putting in cot awake and doing books then patting back until asleep, then to just cuddle no rocking, put in bed and books and patting back, then just carrying to bed books and patting back, then books and shhing while patting back, then shhing no back patting, then being in room and slowly moving backwards in chair, giving shh to let know I'm there if any tears.

I was very prepared for it to last a long time, but he dealt with it well as we didn't go cold turkey it was step by step and I think it was just under a month where we could do books, say goodnight, and walk out the door.

I do think every parent should run with what works for them and their child, if you cuddle to sleep but then she sleeps all night - it wouldn't bother me, if you cuddle to sleep then have to do that for prolonged periods multiple times a night, it benefits all to find a new way

Obviously I won't just let her cry until she falls asleep, we give her a few minutes each time... between going in, is this the same thing?

Lots of people don't think so, but I just could not listen to my baby cry and not give her the comfort she is craving. Babies have no concept of time.

Sorry but this is so sad to read! Surely anyone who looks after your daughter would be willing to give her a cuddle if that’s what she wanted? She’s so little still.

Cry it out is just child cruelty and a lot health visitors are happy to sprout crap like that. Don't do it

Cry it out means leaving your baby to cry until it falls asleep. Cruel. Just do proper sleep training like the Ferber method

We did sleep training with 'controlled crying'. Put baby down drowsy but awake. Make sure they're changed/fed/comfy etc. They'll cry, we timed 2.5 minutes before going in, picking up and calming. Once calm but still awake, put down and repeat. First night can take a while, but keeping the intervals short and making sure they're calm when placed in bed helps.

DC1 took 4 nights to go down awake and fall asleep naturally, DC2 took 3 nights, DC3 5 nights and DC4 is on night 2.

There’s a huge difference between controlled crying/ferber which is checking in and settling every couple of minutes, and cry it out which is shut the door and don’t go back in. Do what works best for you and your family though, you don’t have to do anything.

I've decided to stop listening to other people and comfort my child when I see fit 😂 lastnight she went into her cot, drowsy and I had my hand on her back and she went to sleep without a whimper. Just shows you though😂

Good for you! Your bedtime routine sounds lovely.

She's my first child and now I'm getting to the point of telling people to mind their business, if it works for me then why should I change it?

My little boy is 16 months old. He’s always been a poor sleeper. Chunks of a few hours then waking. At around 8 months we tried the cry it out method and it worked quickly, leaving him for 6 minutes at a time . 10 weeks passed and he got a bug and ever since then he went back to waking 3,4,5 times a night again. This has gone on for 5 months. We decided to sleep train again. At 15 months 2 weeks we did the cry it out method and again it worked quickly. Only this time he has started getting terribly upset around bed time. He knows when we drive on the street in the evening it’s nearly bed time. When we go upstairs his face drops and he starts waving at us while welling up. It is heartbreaking. He used to love his bedtime routine of bath and books. No he just cries and sometimes makes himself sick from crying. We put him down after kissing him goodnight he sits up and cries but as soon as we close the door he lays straight down and falls asleep in minutes.
this is a good thing but the build up seems so distressing for all of us. So many tears and sad waves like he knows what’s coming and he is too sad to fight it.

have we made a mistake with this method? Are we damaging his kind happy personality?

during the day he is the happiest clever little boy. It’s just the night time routine that has gotten.

first post on here and first time parents. Apologies for the essay.

I don’t think anyone can really answer that question for you @Gusgus23 . It wouldn’t be something I could ever do personally but I haven’t been in your shoes.

Is 16 months a bit old for sleep training? He’s obviously old enough now to anticipate what’s coming in a way a younger baby wouldn’t so that makes it more distressing.

Honestly @Gusgus23 I absolutely think you've made a massive mistake. It's awful to let a baby cry it out and you've made him fear bedtime because he knows his most loved and trusted carers won't come to comfort him. He is tiny and doesn't know night time is different, so he's learned he can't trust you. He's learned to be scared of being left to cry alone. It's quite disgusting actually. Poor thing.

Good for you @NaatQ968. I think people will look back on this sleep training, cold, anti-child sleeping culture and be quite ashamed. It'll be like how we look back at physical punishment now.

Good to know you can rely on other parents for words of encouragement. Shameful responses.

Following guidance from large companies like pampers to help our child get the sleep he needs for his development.

If anyone has any useful information it would be greatly appreciated. Like I said we are first time parents doing our best to help our little boy get the best sleep he can whilst helping us get any bits of sleep to function safely in daily life.

Just to clarify after reading this thread again I have used the wrong name. It sounds like we did the Ferber method.
Leaving him for short periods 6 mins. Then going in and cuddling/comforting. Until he fell asleep. Like I say it worked as we would put him down drowsy and he would settle himself to sleep.
We did the same again at 16 months but this time it's different.
We love our boy dearly and are trying our best to help him.
Hence why we came here for advice and not to be attacked.

Hi @Gusgus23 this sounds really hard and I’m sure you were in a hard place when you chose to sleep train too. I suppose now perhaps you can take some steps to reassure your little one. Maybe meet in the middle a bit and although you put him down awake perhaps stay in room until he falls asleep and then gradually retreat over a few weeks. That physical presence maybe the reassurance needed.

Well Ferber is almost as bad as CIO tbh, any of these methods involve leaving a baby to cry alone and teaching them you won't respond to them when they need you. Personally I choose to always be responsive to my child, as I want to prioritise their secure emotional attachment above anything.