I need support and encouragement

[CasaMundi]

DS is 12 months old. Always been a terrible sleeper, reflux, CMPA, EBF, cosleeping... the best night we've ever had is 4 wakes. I personally do not want to sleep train with a crying method. I've spent many months getting to the point that he can fall asleep next to me without me doing anything. If it has helped the night waking , it's not by a great deal. I'm going back to work this week, I've had a viciously evil chesty, snotty bug or two continually since end of November and now to add insult to injury I've got a D&V bug picked up from nursery. I must get him self settling. I cannot do this anymore. Posting for support and encouragement.

Thanks @TooMinty and thank you for following my thread and continuing to comment. It is helping. He self settled through two wakes until 11pm. However second wake up it took him half an hour! He was never upset and on the monitor his eyes looked closed the whole time. Just every 10 seconds or so he would make a noise. Great - but that really isn't going to help us to get more sleep. My husband settled him again until a little after twelve but then he was awake and really upset seeming in my arms for ages. I ended up giving him calpol and ambesol and a little solids to eat (as well as both boobs) and he eventually went back to sleep but was then up every 30 minutes til the morning. I am a shell of a human being. I'm fearful self settling won't be the thing that makes a meaningful difference and that we're still dealing with something gut/digestive. It has to change. My husband and I are getting snappy with each other which has never been the dynamic of our relationship. This morning I pointed out we needed to be careful or we would argue. He took a little time away and we both apologised, but this is so sad. I love my son but the combination of this horrible illness and his relentlessly awful sleep feels like it is threatening my parenting and partnership identity.

Broken sleep is really rough and really impacts mental health and relationships x

A couple of thoughts - how far away is your room from your baby's room? I only used a baby monitor when I was downstairs, I turned it off when I came up to bed. If he woke properly and really cried then I'd hear him but any noisy sleeping or gentle grumbling wouldn't disturb me. My kids are still very noisy sleepers, talk in their sleep and grind their teeth - awful to listen to but doesn't disturb them.
On the digestion thing, how is his eating during the day? I night weaned quite early with mine because they ate well in daylight hours. By a year old I did 4 breastfeeds a day and none at night. What are your concerns about food/digestion? x

Well. That's it done. He went to sleep entirely on his own in his room for the first time. Few moans and yells, no tears, no crying. I've heard him go through the first sleep cycle transition with a couple of moans then silence.

I got nursery to check their food again for his allergens and turns out they've been giving him bread with one of his allergens in. No wonder he has been so distressed and disturbed at night. I know it's an easy mistake to make, but thank goodness his allergic response is not more serious!

I thought I would feel a greater sense of accomplishment. I just feel ill and deflated.

That's probably the sleep deprivation talking, you need to take care of yourself and get some rest.

Nursery needs to do better with dietary requirements, hope that's a one off.

This gives me hope that my ds 12 months will one day sleep on his own. Well done!

@ZombieBoob yes, it can happen for you too. This thread is the final week of a very long journey for us. I last fed DS to sleep when he was 6 months old! I think for most babies it would be possible to get them self settling without using an intermittent cry method way quicker than that. We just had endless trouble with gut and digestive issues and infections.