Does cry it out always work?

[Anonnewbie]

4 month old baby, will not sleep and both of our lives are hell. It's either he learns to sleep for at least a couple of hours at a time, don't care where, or I am going to lose it more than I already have.
Everyone keeps talking about the 4 month regression when I ask for help but it's been like this since day one, barring a few spells of him sleeping for a couple of hours at a time. He needs rocking and bouncing to fall asleep and only stays asleep when held. The only apparent change recently is that where he used to stay asleep for a few hours if held, or 1 hour in the crib, he now won't go in the crib at all (wakes up no matter what we try and how long he's been asleep for) and only stays asleep for an hour in arms.
Anyone suggesting cosleeping and saying crying is cruel can just fuck off because I've tried cosleeping and he won't feed lying down and won't be lowered off me, if I do manage it he wakes to feed every 20 minutes. He is now crying all the time anyway because he's tired and I've actually injured myself from holding and rocking him to sleep for every nap and about 14 times in the night. So I'm now in the position of trying to feed him to sleep because I physically can't rock him, but he's a really difficult feeder so often even feeding is a wrestling match with a lot of screaming..
So I'm practically at the stage of using CIO just through lack of alternatives - I have cuddled him and done what I can but he has cried for an hour non stop because I can't rock, only stopped when my husband came home and was able to rock him to sleep. So it seems we may as well do it properly.
I'm worried about CIO because he poos and vomits and is a real screamer - I can barely take him out in the car because he becomes more and more angry the more time goes on and I'm sure he's doing damage with that level of distressed crying. So I can only imagine it will be truly horrific, and if it doesn't work I dont know what I will do. Everyone talks like it's a quick fix but from what studies I've found it is far from sure that it will work.
What was your experience if you did it? (And stuck to it)

Congratulations OP!

Jesus, are we really congratulating someone who left a 4 month old baby to cry itself to sleep? 4 months old for fucks sake. I have a 4 month old and I'm horrified at the prospect of leaving him to cry until he vomits. I don't care how much you can't sleep, you're the grown up, you don't just leave a tIny infant like that. He's my second child and I've done plenty of shit months of zero sleep, but that's just cruel however you want to convince yourself otherwise. Flame me all you like, I don't care. I couldn't 'enjoy' my sleep if it came at such a cost.

Well.... excuse me for being happy that after using controlled crying via a professional that OP has managed to help her baby to sleep, and thus get some much needed rest herself.

Better that than being on the edge of a mental breakdown and frankly I am delighted for her to be in a more positive place.

I am a mum of 1 who is still battling poor sleep habits with my toddler because I, like you, do not personally believe in controlled crying or CIO. How I raise my own is really besides the point. It doesn't mean that people who try it other methods are evil parents.

We are all trying to do our best, with different loads on our plates.

So CONGRATULATIONS ONCE AGAIN to OP who was really struggling and now is not, and to her baby who was also sleep deprived and now is not.

Also thank you OP for the update. Many of us were rooting for you to find some light in the darkness ✨️

Being a mum is the best and hardest thing in the world.

@Anonnewbie Sounds like you have tried everything.
My friend had a baby like this- she said it almost broke her.
No reason was found, and he was a poor sleeper for a long time ( Years)
He’s a teenager now.

It must be so exhausting and frustrating.
I stuck at one child ( who was “ easy”) out of fear of having a screamer. DH wanted another.

I knew we couldn’t cope with a baby who wouldn’t/ couldn’t sleep.
It’s a lottery.
Best wishes.

That's great OP. Glad it's working out for you. Similarly we found that naps were harder to settle into a pattern but we did get there. I was hoping yo hear an update from you.

Completely agree. We're talking about a FOUR MONTH OLD. I'm appalled at the number of replies encouraging this.

Sorry if totally late to the party here but we found with our DS that it worked after 1 night - took about 45 mins but after that he just went straight down and that was it! This was at 11 months old and amazingly he then slept all night, every night for 13 months and about a week after his 2nd bday he woke up again but it was only a one off and still to this day he is nearly 4 and rarely wakes up unless sick.
I do think it really depends on the baby though, and won't work for all babies so if it doesn't work try not to beat yourself up about it..

@sexnotgenders I don't think you have read this properly. I was worried he would cry til he vomited given that he vomits a lot, but he did not. He has had a bit of sick on his clothes a couple of times which he always does regardless of sleep. I was also pleased that the crying was similar to the pre-sleep grizzle he does if he's being rocked so no real difference there unless you're saying oh how can you just stand by and rock a 4 month old in your arms when he's crying and vomiting? Plus, time spent crying was extremely minimal and he is suddenly a much more cheerful baby. He needs sleep as much as I do and he wasn't getting it.

I suspect you're one of those people who thinks "zero sleep" means 5 hours of broken sleep and the odd nap when someone comes to help out. Can I reiterate that in this case zero sleep meant 10 minutes in bed at a time, plus some very unsafe 30-90 minute snoozes in a chair.

There is no evidence at all that cry it out is bad for babies - there are studies showing that it has no short or long term impact.

There is a test done on babies that involves their mother looking at them with a blank expression and not responding. It's supposedly one of the most stressful things you can do to a baby and this is what my baby was getting most of his awake time because I was having some sort of out of body experience. Contrast that to today when I put him down and he slept no crying for 2 hours. I made a healthy meal, washed, did a load of washing and then got everything ready so I could take him out in the fresh air when he was awake and use the 20 minutes of awake time when he's not feeding to 100% play,cuddle and get outside. He loved it. So I will not apologise.

Like another poster, this obviously isn't something we will do if he is unwell, hungry etc. The sleep consultant said after this, we will generally know that any crying is due to a problem not tiredness and be able to pick him up.

We didn't do CIO, but just here to say do what you need to do. You've clearly tried everything you can. Your physical and mental health is important too

@sexnotgenders lol why so judgemental my love. It’s really easy to do this from the sidelines. Mental health of mum is just as important and a baby that sleeps well develops better than a baby that doesn’t. Can’t believe you can click on a post just to judge. Really take a look in the mirror and get off your high horse.

well done OP I am about to do Ferber as well because it will be better for the family and baby if everyone got more sleep. Very happy you
found some more peace and little one is doing well ❤️