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Original poster

Toddler vomiting sleep training

39 replies

yeveamgirl · 20/09/2023 06:49

My 20mo is fighting bedtime. We spend 1.5 hours calmly putting her to bed and if, by that 1.5 hour mark, she isn't asleep, we put her calmly in her bed and walk away, telling her goodnight and we love her.

3/7 times a week she will be asleep after 1.5 hours (just) and we can leave happily. 4/7 she's awake and will stand in her cot and scream my name and cry until she falls asleep (usually no more than 10 minutes). It's awful, but by that point she's so exhausted she just needs to sleep and actually falls asleep very quickly.

If I put her in the cot and stay in the room, she stands in her cot and cries for another 1.5 hours, meaning bedtime takes 3 hours. Eventually she cries herself to sleep, even with my constant reassurance.

Unfortunately, the last few nights she's started vomiting after about 5 mins in her cot. Last night we didn't see it on the monitor and discovered a vomit covered toddler this morning. I feel so deeply guilty.

I'm at a loss, I'd happily stay in the room with her but she gets so worked up and then ends up over tired. If I leave she vomits. She won't be rocked or fed to sleep any more. She always sleeps all night, though.

What the heck are we supposed to do?!

OP posts:
LGBirmingham · 20/09/2023 11:14

Hi @yeveamgirl that sounds tough. I've not done sleep training so I can't answer on that but I did figure out with mine that routine was really the key to bedtime if they are still napping. I might be able to help you with that.

Is she napping? If so when and for how long?

When are you trying to get her to fall asleep and when does she actually fall asleep?

Seeline · 20/09/2023 11:17

You spend 1.5 putting her to bed?
And then it takes 1.5 hours to get her to sleep?

What are you doing during that first 1.5hrs? And when do you start?

Original poster
yeveamgirl · 21/09/2023 06:36

Thanks for your replies. She naps between 11am and 1pm still and bedtime starts at 6pm, with the aim of getting her asleep at 7.30pm. Once she is asleep, she sleeps through. She wakes at 6am.

The bedtime routine includes a calm bath, a song or two, getting into pjs and teeth etc. and then an hour of breastfeeding/ cuddling in a completely dark room with white noise on. Once we are in her bedroom, I don't talk to her any more and when she tries to play I just say "shhhh bedtime now" and keep everything very quiet and low key. After an hour, if she's still wide awake, she goes in her cot and will pretty much be asleep in 10 minutes after some extreme protests, which lately include vomiting (luckily she managed to vomit outside of the cot yesterday so it was easy to clean up without waking her).

OP posts:
namechange1986 · 21/09/2023 06:41

Is there a reason you start at 6pm? I would start routine at 7 and reduce to 30 mins.

BuffaloCauliflower · 21/09/2023 06:44

You’re trying too early. She’s not tired enough. If it’s taking 1.5-2 hours to go to sleep she’s not tired yet. I’d push the whole thing back by at least an hour and see how you get on. I’d also consider swapping to a floor bed so you can lie with her rather than her going in the cot alone

BuffaloCauliflower · 21/09/2023 06:45

Particularly as you’re still breastfeeding (I was at that age too) feed to sleep then roll away

Passthecake30 · 21/09/2023 06:50

I agree with PP that bedtime is taking too long, and the process is too stretched out. I also don’t feel like cuddling/soothing for 1.5hrs and then leaving her to scream it out after that point seems fair, it’s too much of all or nothing and she’d feel completely abandoned. I’d probably drop some of the cuddling if it’s not all bf, but also not completely abandon her after the 1.5hrs.

CurlewKate · 21/09/2023 06:51

Push everything an hour later and see what happens. Never leave her so upset she vomits.

mrssunshinexxx · 21/09/2023 06:57

Much shorter nap ideally 11-12 and go up at 6.30pm with bedtime at 7.30pm

Whyohwhyohwhy123 · 21/09/2023 06:58

You can’t leave her so she gets so upset she vomits.
as others have said start bedtime later at 7 and put her in either a double bed or in a floor bed. Mine always went in a double bed, I’d feed them give a cuddle say it was time to sleep and roll over and pretend to sleep. The child would then go to sleep next to me sometimes it would take longer than usual. I didn’t cuddle them but they frequently cuddled me

PurBal · 21/09/2023 07:07

Shorter routine. Move her into a bed (I don’t know why it made the world of difference but it did).

autumnisherefinally · 21/09/2023 07:14

That sounds tough.

  1. The nap is too long
  2. Bedtime is too early
  3. You're probably confusing them with being hands-on for 90m and then nothing. I'd just pick one or the other.
  4. Check on them before you go to bed for sick.
hamsterballs · 21/09/2023 07:18

That's so stressful. I had a similar situation and I just ended up co-sleeping, which I do not recommend.

I agree with others that the bedtime routine is too long. Think the nap needs to be shortened too.

Good luck

anareen · 21/09/2023 07:20

Do you have a routine? That can affect sleep. Does your baby have lots of screen time? That can interrupt sleep also. Has something stressful happened recently? If children don't feel secure that can affect sleep. Being overtired can result in less quality of sleep. Are naps too long? Longer naps and expecting baby to sleep the normal amount of hours they do at night is not going to happen. Knowing signs of overstimulation is so important also as this can cause children to have interrupted sleep. Is there something you normally do when these wakings happen that you aren't doing anymore? Something like rocking baby to sleep every waking? When we stop something like that it causes issues because we have caused them to be dependent on that to fall back asleep. In that case, we are the problem or have created the problem. Not the child. We go into a partial awakened state multiple times a night but normally we aren't aware of this or it's very brief because we know how to fall back asleep on our own. However, when these partial awakenings happen children who haven't learned to fall asleep in their own, are stressed, don't have bed time routines, have too much screen time, are overly tired etc etc will have trouble falling back asleep.

So sorry you are going through this. I have a child who sees a sleep specialist and these are some of the things I have learned during our journey.

anareen · 21/09/2023 07:28

yeveamgirl · 21/09/2023 06:36

Thanks for your replies. She naps between 11am and 1pm still and bedtime starts at 6pm, with the aim of getting her asleep at 7.30pm. Once she is asleep, she sleeps through. She wakes at 6am.

The bedtime routine includes a calm bath, a song or two, getting into pjs and teeth etc. and then an hour of breastfeeding/ cuddling in a completely dark room with white noise on. Once we are in her bedroom, I don't talk to her any more and when she tries to play I just say "shhhh bedtime now" and keep everything very quiet and low key. After an hour, if she's still wide awake, she goes in her cot and will pretty much be asleep in 10 minutes after some extreme protests, which lately include vomiting (luckily she managed to vomit outside of the cot yesterday so it was easy to clean up without waking her).

This routine is WAY too long. Bed time routine should be about 30 min. In that time you include your bath, story time, cuddles. When that 30 min is up you give a kiss goodnight and leave the room. Your child is going to have issues because they are clearly dependent on your presence to fall asleep. That's probably a huge reason you are having these awakenings. If baby was able to fall asleep on their own they would do so during these normal awakenings that happen during our cycles of sleep. In your case it sounds like you are the problem. You have created dependency on something to fall asleep. So during the more awake cycle of sleep baby is searching for that thing they are used to having to fall asleep. Thus, creating a vicious cycle. Also, a good tip..... no screen time at LEAST an hour before bed.

anareen · 21/09/2023 07:30

yeveamgirl · 21/09/2023 06:36

Thanks for your replies. She naps between 11am and 1pm still and bedtime starts at 6pm, with the aim of getting her asleep at 7.30pm. Once she is asleep, she sleeps through. She wakes at 6am.

The bedtime routine includes a calm bath, a song or two, getting into pjs and teeth etc. and then an hour of breastfeeding/ cuddling in a completely dark room with white noise on. Once we are in her bedroom, I don't talk to her any more and when she tries to play I just say "shhhh bedtime now" and keep everything very quiet and low key. After an hour, if she's still wide awake, she goes in her cot and will pretty much be asleep in 10 minutes after some extreme protests, which lately include vomiting (luckily she managed to vomit outside of the cot yesterday so it was easy to clean up without waking her).

Also, baby is falling asleep in 10 minutes despite protesting/fighting sleep because baby is over tired most likely.

Seeline · 21/09/2023 10:24

How do you get them to sleep at nap time? They don't seem to be stressed out then
Definitely cut the whole process down to 30-40 mins.

Original poster
yeveamgirl · 21/09/2023 10:32

I do get the sense that she is very tired by bedtime but she's ALWAYS been a child that is super stimulated by the presence of others. She's always excited to see people. I think you're right that we need to cut bedtime to 30 mins because I get the sense that she's so excited to spend so much time with me that she gets more and more awake. I try my hardest to stay with her as long as possible because I hate that she screams when I leave but I get the feeling if I continued to cuddle and sooth to sleep... it would takes ages and ages because she just doesn't associate it with sleep sometimes (sometimes she does). We will start trying later and also cutting it at 30 mins. I do fear this will result in more screaming to begin with.

She is able to open doors so if we put her in a floor bed she will just stand up, go and play or open the door and come out. We have the toddler bed all ready to go, we're just scared it will result in no sleep for any of us.

Some of this is selfishness too, we're up from 6, out the door by 7.30pm, we get back at 5pm and then go for a family walk and dinner and then start bedtime routine. When she's in bed by 7.30pm we get about an hour to ourselves before we go to bed ( we both need a lot of sleep so we go up to bed at 8.30, usually asleep by 8.45/9pm. So I guess we just really want her to be asleep by 7.30pm so we get just 1 hour to tidy up/ cuddle/ maybe watch a few minutes of something. I know this won't be forever but it's for our sanity!

I have thought maybe she needs less nap/ maybe no nap. She's had a few days with no nap and she's been absolutely fine, to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
yeveamgirl · 21/09/2023 10:33

Seeline · 21/09/2023 10:24

How do you get them to sleep at nap time? They don't seem to be stressed out then
Definitely cut the whole process down to 30-40 mins.

She's looked after my parents and they just give her some milk (expressed) and a cuddle. Most of the time, she actually asks them to go into her bed to sleep. It's bedtime she fights!

OP posts:
Florenceatemycake · 21/09/2023 10:33

Also at this age they get a bit scared of the dark so try a night light too

Original poster
yeveamgirl · 21/09/2023 10:34

Florenceatemycake · 21/09/2023 10:33

Also at this age they get a bit scared of the dark so try a night light too

This is a good idea. I have one, I'll get it out.

OP posts:
TiredMamOfTwo · 21/09/2023 10:35

Why are you leaving her to the point she's so upset she's being sick? That's not sleep training, that's just cruel.

To early of a bedtime. It's not about you needing sleep you need to go off when they need to sleep.

Seeline · 21/09/2023 10:40

Stairgate across the bedroom door.

Maybe she doesn't need a nap anymore. Both mine stopped at 18 months.

How do you do naptime at weekends? Sounds like your parents manage with a lot less fuss. Keep it really simple. Bath, feed, story - goodnight, time to sleep, kiss and leave.

NeedMyDress · 21/09/2023 10:41

Reduce the nap and put bedtime back by an hour. Loads of fresh air and exercise in the afternoon.

ReeseWitherfork · 21/09/2023 10:44

One DT, almost 18 months, hates bedtime and does a lot of screaming. She gets put in her cot at that end of a short bedtime routine (bath, story, milk). We’ll happily rock her to sleep if she looks like she’s going to, but more often than not she fights being rocked. So she gets laid down, left for two minutes, then back in for another cuddle. At this point, if she looks like she’ll accept the rocking then we’ll do that. But if she’s still mad, she gets put back down, left for two minutes, back in for another cuddle. And repeat. She usually accepts the second or third cuddle though and will allow us to rock her to sleep.

(I’m still BF so she wants me to feed her to sleep, which is why she’s mad, but I’m trying to stop.)

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