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Sleep

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Original poster

Starting to feel resentful of my baby

53 replies

Whyisitsosohard · 19/09/2023 23:25

Firstly I know this is totally unreasonable but I can't help it. LO is 4 months and has gone from waking 1 or 2 times a night for a feed to waking 5-6 times. I try to resettle but she usually only calms with some milk but obviously as she's not hungry she has about 60ml. She is up for the day without fail at 5am as nothing will resettle her once the light is up.

I know she's tiny and it's most likely a sleep regression but I can't function. It takes so long for me to get back to sleep and with barely 2 hours between wakes I feel as if I get no rest at all. I've got a toddler who gets up as well at 6 and I'm on all day.

I'm almost certain she doesn't have gas as she settles when you pick her up. She knows how to sleep by herself without rocking or feeding to sleep and naps well in the day. We can't co sleep and I don't breastfeed. Is there anything I can do to help her resettle herself?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Janieforever · 20/09/2023 13:09

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 08:22

I know but it feels nuts to introduce one now and I'm scared of the judgement to be honest especially if I can ride it out for a few weeks.

Thanks for the link but we've definitely tried it all.. she has a good bedtime routine. Same every night.

She goes to bed in her cot in a dark room without assistance. No contact naps and we put her down awake. We do give her a few mins to see if she'll settle when she wakes in the night but leaving her much longer runs the risk she'll wake her sister which we dont want.

I'm also 90% sure she's not hungry as she doesn't drink much but I can't get her to feed more in the day. She already has 5 feeds and always has the 600ml she supposedly needs for her 5kg frame and she'll still take another 150ml overnight.

Judgement from who? Babies use dummies. It’s completely normal.

you’re right she doesn’t need fed. As she doesn’t have a dummy youre basically giving her the bottle to mimic it.

just let her have a dummy poor kid.

MidnightOnceMore · 20/09/2023 13:09

Dh did offer to alternate nights but he's working so can't rest as much in the day so I want to be fair. You're also working in the day, alternate nights IS fair.

Your DH is offering you the chance to sleep.

Take it!

Janieforever · 20/09/2023 13:09

Also it’s not you riding it out. It’s your baby.

faban · 20/09/2023 17:54

The 4 mo sleep regression was HELL. It's bloody brutal, for us it lasted about a month? Then she started waking once or twice. Then once then was sleeping through by 7 months. We had the hardest sleep regression out of everyone I knew- up every 20/30/40 mins but we made it so hopefully it won't last long and you'll be getting loads of sleep soon xx

faban · 20/09/2023 17:55

Does she have a comforter? I introduced one at 4 months and it really helped her

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 23:17

We've tried a comforter but hasn't helped yet. I don't want her having a dummy and I think that's a fair choice for me to make to be honest. She's not suffering as one pp suggested, she's always picked up and cuddled and as I've said she doesn't cry so i am confident she's not in pain, she's just waking frequently. Last night was slightly better. 4 wakes rather then 6 so hoping it will continue to improve.

OP posts:

Highlyflavouredgravy · 20/09/2023 23:23

So you have a teething baby, in pain, whov s not allowed painkillers, not allowed a dummy for comfort sucking , is made to sleep alone without the comfort of a parent ....no wonder she is crying! I would too!

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 23:26

What are you talking about? She's not left alone crying as I've said repeatedly and of course she has panadol when she seems to be in pain but she will be teething for the next 3 years. You don't just give them panadol every few hours just in case.

OP posts:

IHateLegDay · 20/09/2023 23:41

Just head to send a handhold and a hug.
There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a method of torture! Hang in there and ask your dp to take over for one/two nights a week so you can get some proper sleep.

Rachaelc1981 · 21/09/2023 00:15

Highlyflavouredgravy · 20/09/2023 23:23

That’s a bit harsh mind. The op has clearly stated on a few occasions that her baby isn’t in pain and is comforted when needed. It’s very easy to judge others when it’s not you. The op was asking for some advice, not to be judged as a parent

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 21/09/2023 00:45

Thank you @Rachaelc1981 I thought that comment was totally uncalled for. Also not that it's anyone's business but the reason I don't co sleep is because a friend rolled on her baby doing this (following all safe sleeping guidelines) and he tragically died.

OP posts:

CCTVcity · 21/09/2023 00:53

Omg that’s awful! So sorry to hear about your friend.

Personally I would do the dummy. We did and it was brilliant. Dummy’s are actually recommended as research shows they reduce cot death if used correctly.

Rachaelc1981 · 21/09/2023 01:17

Whyisitsosohard · 21/09/2023 00:45

You are welcome. I just think people are to quick to judge others instead of trying to help. I’ve read loads of post where I would love to help but just can’t, but I would never comment on a post to criticise the op etc. If you can’t help then don’t comment. I hope your little one starts to settle and everyone can get some much needed sleep.
Thats so upsetting about your friend and their baby, so easily to think “ah I’ll just pop them into bed this once” but unfortunately accidents happen. Not sure if it’s the right thing to say but I hope your friend is ok, sorry if that sounds heartless but not sure what else to say xx

StampOnTheGround · 21/09/2023 04:19

I agree with the dummy, I was also dead set against it but did more research and it does reduce the risk of cot death etc. it's fine for sleep and naps, but is not needed during the day to shut the up, that's a big difference. 😊

Highlyflavouredgravy · 21/09/2023 16:41

I don't think i am being harsh at all. You're making life difficult for yourself. Give her some calpol when she is teething, give her a dummy for comfort and allow contact naps.

MBM18 · 21/09/2023 18:39

Google "4 month sleep regression", it's a thing and I'm going through it now with mine :(
I breastfeed and end up falling asleep sat up with her laying across me, not ideal but at least we both get some sleep.

purplejeanie · 21/09/2023 19:24

Dummies can cause tons of problems with sleep -ie baby wakes every time it falls out-not the solution! If she has no sleep props then she will get through this quickly..good luck tonight and it'll pass before you know it.

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 21/09/2023 22:00

@Highlyflavouredgravy I've explained why I don't co sleep, use panadol excessively and as @purplejeanie has pointed out dummies aren't a magic pill. They are a pain in the arse to use when they can't put them back themselves and a nightmare to get rid of once they are able to.

OP posts:

bluebeardswife7 · 21/09/2023 22:31

In this period. We all felt resentful of our babies, our partners, our parents, our friends, or any other fucker who got 8 hours sleep. But it won't last forever. Although you are entitled to insist the other parent pulls their weight

bluebeardswife7 · 21/09/2023 22:33

But if they are in pain you might pony up the calpol.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 21/09/2023 22:49

You don't give your baby panadol. Infant paracetamol is what you give. If you would take painkillers for toothache yourself, then give it to your child when they need it.
I understand your fears around co sleeping but allowing baby to sleep on you while you read or watch tv is not co sleeping.

Dummies are great and do a good job.

I maintain my position that you are making life difficult for yourself and your baby.

buckingmad · 23/09/2023 07:31

@Whyisitsosohard you’ve asked for advice, people have given you what worked for them and you’ve dismissed it. I’m not sure what it is you want.

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 29/09/2023 20:53

Reluctant to return as I'm feeling super sensitive but need help. We're a week later and ironically on holiday for my birthday tomorrow. Toddler is sick in bed with dad and I've been up all night with the baby.

With no snoo we had to bite the bullet on the travel cot. She has basically woken every hour or so. I fed her at 3 hourly intervals but she didn't really want milk. Have done everything I can think of.

Let her cry in 5 min bursts when there was nothing else I could do (fed, warm, dry nappy) and she did go off to sleep a few times but overall it was a disaster.

We're meant to be here another 4 nights but I'm already considering just going home. It's a 3 hour drive so would be very sad to do it but I'm not going to return with the snoo either. I did put her in bed (safely) with me at 5am but she just wanted to play as I expected.

Comforter has made no difference. She's not in pain as had baby panadol and no grumpiness in the day. Last resort is a dummy which I do have with me but she won't be able to replace it herself so feels pointless giving it to her to help her sleep.

Anything I haven't thought of?

OP posts:

IHateLegDay · 29/09/2023 21:08

Honestly at this point just give her the dummy. She won't be able to replace it herself but if she sleeps longer, you can replace it and get more sleep

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 29/09/2023 21:19

I've tried the dummy. Sorry that wasn't clear. She just spits it out.

OP posts:

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