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Sleep

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Original poster

Starting to feel resentful of my baby

53 replies

Whyisitsosohard · 19/09/2023 23:25

Firstly I know this is totally unreasonable but I can't help it. LO is 4 months and has gone from waking 1 or 2 times a night for a feed to waking 5-6 times. I try to resettle but she usually only calms with some milk but obviously as she's not hungry she has about 60ml. She is up for the day without fail at 5am as nothing will resettle her once the light is up.

I know she's tiny and it's most likely a sleep regression but I can't function. It takes so long for me to get back to sleep and with barely 2 hours between wakes I feel as if I get no rest at all. I've got a toddler who gets up as well at 6 and I'm on all day.

I'm almost certain she doesn't have gas as she settles when you pick her up. She knows how to sleep by herself without rocking or feeding to sleep and naps well in the day. We can't co sleep and I don't breastfeed. Is there anything I can do to help her resettle herself?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

newyearbaby90 · 20/09/2023 00:02

Nothing useful to say and so tired my brains not working but didn't want to read and run. Feel absolutely exactly the same! My little boys 15 weeks and it's killing me. Had a week of 7 hours each night but it's now 2-3 hour bursts of sleep. Nightmare! But I keep thinking "it's just a phase!"

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 20/09/2023 00:08

Don't bother trying to resettle at this age, just go straight in with a bottle. It will pass, eventually.

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 01:41

I know.. I didn't mind feeding every 3 hours even but 2 is just too much. I know any sleep training is pointless at this age but I'm so tired.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 01:42

I know.. I didn't mind feeding every 3 hours even but 2 is just too much. I know any sleep training is pointless at this age but I'm so tired.

OP posts:

Rachaelc1981 · 20/09/2023 02:16

Have you tried baby white noise? Or a night light? I can’t really talk as I currently have a 2.5 year old asleep on me on the sofa as I type this ! Could she be teething? Have you tried a dummy? You are definitely not alone and your daughter will settle into a routine but I know that doesn’t help right this second. Hey if you need a chat I’m always up at all hours haha seriously though I hope my suggestions might help x

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 04:22

She doesn't have a dummy. She is teething but I don't want to give her panadol all the time.

OP posts:

hellohelp · 20/09/2023 04:31

Is she waking due to teething? Or just wanting more milk?
My ds had a growth spurt around this time and he was feeding every 1.5 hours. He was barely down and would be back up again it was awful

MayMi · 20/09/2023 04:54

I've heard that 4 month olds undergo a stage in their brain development that makes them more alert which can affect their sleep. You might find your baby isn't concentrating as well as they used to during a feed etc as well.

If you have a next-to-me cot where baby is in their own cot but it has the wall down so you can touch them even as you are lying down in your bed, that might help. White noise also often works well. Maybe try to arrange some childcare for your toddler so you can get some more rest in the day while your baby naps. It's great your baby can settle themselves in the day! Mine wanted to be held for every nap.

Also I think its tough for you as your baby went from waking 1-2x night to 5-6x, which is often the opposite way round from newborn age onwards, it's hard to deal with.

It will get better with time and I'm wishing you good luck along the way.

AvacadoFieldsForever · 20/09/2023 05:02

Go to bed at 7pm and get 4 solid hours and then tag in while partner sleeps.

Weaning should help a bit and that will be soon.
It’s a horrible phase!

lilyfire · 20/09/2023 05:15

Have you tried blackout blinds to help with the light waking her?

SareBear87 · 20/09/2023 05:44

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 04:22

She doesn't have a dummy. She is teething but I don't want to give her panadol all the time.

I'd pick an evil... Panadol or sleep deprivation.
Start there and see if sleep improves if she has painkillers.
My LO is 10 months and still wakes 2-3 times a night, hourly if teeth hurt.
If she's only taking 60mL she's not hungry, could be brain development as pp have said but I'd also try a dummy instead of a bottle.
I find co-sleeping massively helps which I appreciate isn't an option for you.

I totally get the lack of sleep is a killer... I said I was never going to do half the things I do, but mama needs sleep!!!

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 06:04

GiveThanks everyone. Partner really hates dummies so am trying to avoid introducing one yet. She's in a next to me equivalent so definitely knows I'm there but any attempt to soothe her without picking her up doesn't work.

Toddler does go to childcare 3 days a week so I'm very lucky there. Ican get an hour usually when she naps. Partner takes over about 5am if he's not working that day but more than that isn't really fair. Will think about blackout blinds and let the panadol fear go.

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stockpilingallthecheese · 20/09/2023 07:16

Yep sleep regression, I remember this was bloody awful. We went from a baby who was reliably sleeping through the night, to one who was waking up constantly. It lasted a few weeks and was torture. What helped me was reading up on the 4 month sleep regression and understanding why it was happening and what we could do to help baby connect sleep cycles. The other thing that helped was taking it in turns to sleep in the spare room while the other had a crap night. Meant no matter how awful the night was you knew it was your turn for a good nights sleep the next day. Are you able to do that?

NoSquirrels · 20/09/2023 07:24

Partner takes over about 5am if he's not working that day but more than that isn't really fair.

I think your DP probably needs to do every early morning for a while. I don’t know anyone with 2 DC or more where the non-breastfeeding parent doesn’t pick up the morning shift so the person whose been awake all night can get a few hours before the ‘main day’ as sole carer begins. Person who sleeps all night sucks up the early morning!

Hope the 4-mo regression eases soon, it’s a real bastard.

MidnightOnceMore · 20/09/2023 07:30

I think it's possible to resent the lack of sleep without resenting the baby. That's a helpful distinction to make mentally. Being exhausted is hideous but your baby is teething and needs the comfort.

Two things I would suggest are your DP needs to do more and you could go to bed earlier to get as much sleep as you can. It is far easier to change what the adults do than go into sleep battles with a teething baby!

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 07:44

Honestly we do go to bed early. I'm in bed by 8 and we can't push her bedtime back further as she's up so early. Dh did offer to alternate nights but he's working so can't rest as much in the day so I want to be fair.

For those saying read up on it, what specifically do you recommend to help them link sleep cycles? From what i read they're 45 mins so she's already linking them and she can go to sleep independently so there's no crutches as such to remove.

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HelterSkelter224 · 20/09/2023 08:10

It does sound like a sleep regression especially if she slept well before. It's so hard but regressions do pass.

This article gives some good tips, I hope she settles down soon and you get some sleep.

huckleberrycare.com/blog/4-month-sleep-regression

Spinet · 20/09/2023 08:14

My partner really hated dummies too so we never used them, but now when I see people use dummies and their baby drifts off to sleep I wonder to myself why the fuck we didn't.

Sleep is the priority. Try the dummy.

buckingmad · 20/09/2023 08:20

Unless your partner is going to be the one to suffer with poor sleep then he doesn’t get an opinion on the dummy! I coslept and DH was in the spare room for 18 months. I was in charge of bed time, I did it how I wanted to and any input from DH was met with me fine but you do it!

but it also is most likely a phase and you will get through it xx

Janieforever · 20/09/2023 08:21

So either give her a dummy or make your partner get up with her if he’s the one with the dummy issue.

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 08:22

I know but it feels nuts to introduce one now and I'm scared of the judgement to be honest especially if I can ride it out for a few weeks.

Thanks for the link but we've definitely tried it all.. she has a good bedtime routine. Same every night.

She goes to bed in her cot in a dark room without assistance. No contact naps and we put her down awake. We do give her a few mins to see if she'll settle when she wakes in the night but leaving her much longer runs the risk she'll wake her sister which we dont want.

I'm also 90% sure she's not hungry as she doesn't drink much but I can't get her to feed more in the day. She already has 5 feeds and always has the 600ml she supposedly needs for her 5kg frame and she'll still take another 150ml overnight.

OP posts:

Spinet · 20/09/2023 08:53

I will say that trying to avoid judgement when you have small children is a fruitless endeavour. You know this if you have another older one!

It sucks and I'm sorry. The choices are try something you're not happy about (dummy, let cry a bit longer etc) or just accept this as the new temporary normal and try to plan your life around lack of sleep for a bit. I do feel for you.

Original poster

Whyisitsosohard · 20/09/2023 09:08

Thanks team. Will try seeing if she settles herself. The crazy thing is we have a snoo but she hates the rocking so it's basically a very expensive crib..

OP posts:

Rachaelc1981 · 20/09/2023 11:19

If you are worried about panadol for teething could you not try teething gel? Might be enough just to settle her back off to sleep. It’s all good and well people saying get your partner to get up but if he’s working then to be fair to him he also needs to sleep and if he’s the sole provided whilst you are on maternity he obviously really needs his job to support his family. A dummy is a personal choice so don’t worry about people judging. I hope she settles soon for you x

TheBeesKnee · 20/09/2023 12:54

If she's in pain from teething, lying down flat will make it worse because of the way the blood pools. If you've ever had a tooth ache you know it feels better to be upright!

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