20 month old, hysterical. Won’t go near cot anymore

Tiredmummy101 · 2023-05-25T22:39:42+00:00

Please someone help! I have posted previously about how my son has always been an awful sleeper, but this past month has been horrendous. He wakes for hours and hours and night screaming hysterical, I have tried everything to settle him but he won’t let you hold, won’t co-sleep, won’t take a teddy, chucks a bottle away. He goes mad! Now he has taken to screaming and kicking / punching if you put him anywhere near his cot. This is madness because he won’t sleep in the bed with us either. I am also pregnant and work full time so this is really killing me 🙈 what do I do folks, please help! Has anyone else had this. I didn’t get much response on my last post so starting to worry my boy is the only one like this 🙈

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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justasking111 · 25/05/2023 23:41

When does he sleep

Original poster

Tiredmummy101 · 25/05/2023 23:43

justasking111 · 25/05/2023 23:41

When does he sleep

He eventually passes out from all the screaming but then wakes again an hour or so later. This past week he has been getting max 5 hours broken sleep a night. He is severely overtired but we can’t seem to help him fix it

OP posts:

justasking111 · 25/05/2023 23:45

I would take him to the GP. Also your midwife would be a good source of advice.

Original poster

Tiredmummy101 · 25/05/2023 23:52

justasking111 · 25/05/2023 23:45

I would take him to the GP. Also your midwife would be a good source of advice.

GP and HV not interested as he is “well within himself” they just keep telling me it’s normal for them not to sleep through the night 🙈 thank you so much for your advice though :)

OP posts:

comfyshoes2022 · 25/05/2023 23:54

Can you hire a sleep consultant?

Original poster

Tiredmummy101 · 25/05/2023 23:58

comfyshoes2022 · 25/05/2023 23:54

Can you hire a sleep consultant?

yeah we did, spent over £300. Tried their advice which was controlled crying. Tried that for over two weeks but crying never got an better just worse 🙈 tried various other techniques too to no avail, she eventually ran out of advice 😢

OP posts:

GL123 · 25/05/2023 23:59

My little boy is the same age and thankfully haven’t had this level of issues (yet) but have had a few times where he does the tantrum wriggling thing when I go to put him into the cot and just physically won’t go in. I’ve had to bring him back to the living room for another bit before attempting it again. I know you’ve said he won’t take a Teddy but I think the main thing for us is his teddy as it’s almost like it’s the two of them going to bed and not just him. She has a name and he likes holding onto her hair, it’s been a relatively recent thing that he’s had but I definitely don’t think he would settle as quickly if ‘she’ wasn’t there. Is there anything you could introduce during the day that would maybe then help comfort him at night? Could the daylight be making things worse now it’s getting into the summer? I think that’s part of the problem for us, even with blackout curtains there’s still a bit of light coming round them

LGBirmingham · 26/05/2023 00:00

What are naps like? Have you tried giving him his own bed instead of a cot?

That's all I have I'm afraid.

MotherHaryy · 26/05/2023 00:01

I put a DVD player in my little ones room (reccently) after almost a year of taking her back, sitting with her, moving away, letting her cry, gro clocks ext... since Christmas she sleeps all night give or take the off night, goes up to bed lovely too!

Might not work for everyone but works for us, she doesn't even watch it, but won't settle for a radio.. I tried😆

Original poster

Tiredmummy101 · 26/05/2023 00:04

GL123 · 25/05/2023 23:59

My little boy is the same age and thankfully haven’t had this level of issues (yet) but have had a few times where he does the tantrum wriggling thing when I go to put him into the cot and just physically won’t go in. I’ve had to bring him back to the living room for another bit before attempting it again. I know you’ve said he won’t take a Teddy but I think the main thing for us is his teddy as it’s almost like it’s the two of them going to bed and not just him. She has a name and he likes holding onto her hair, it’s been a relatively recent thing that he’s had but I definitely don’t think he would settle as quickly if ‘she’ wasn’t there. Is there anything you could introduce during the day that would maybe then help comfort him at night? Could the daylight be making things worse now it’s getting into the summer? I think that’s part of the problem for us, even with blackout curtains there’s still a bit of light coming round them

Ah so with the teddy we focused on it being a bedtime thing but I haven’t actually tried introducing anything throughout the day then taking it up to bed. We currently pretend to put teddy’s PJs on and put him in my sons sleeping bag before we put it on him which gets a laugh but then hysterics when the sleeping bag goes near him. I will give it a try tomorrow with having teddy downstairs and them both going to bed together 👍

I have always hoped he would have a comforter because they just look so cute carrying them around 🥰

OP posts:

Original poster

Tiredmummy101 · 26/05/2023 00:07

LGBirmingham · 26/05/2023 00:00

What are naps like? Have you tried giving him his own bed instead of a cot?

That's all I have I'm afraid.

He naps for about 1 to 2 hours depending on how bad the night has been, and he goes into his cot absolutely fine for naps. He just hates night time it’s so odd.
we have been talking about getting him a bed and seeing if that makes a difference. Does it make it more difficult if they are getting in and out of the bed though?

OP posts:

Original poster

Tiredmummy101 · 26/05/2023 00:08

MotherHaryy · 26/05/2023 00:01

I put a DVD player in my little ones room (reccently) after almost a year of taking her back, sitting with her, moving away, letting her cry, gro clocks ext... since Christmas she sleeps all night give or take the off night, goes up to bed lovely too!

Might not work for everyone but works for us, she doesn't even watch it, but won't settle for a radio.. I tried😆

Oh right, so do you play a movie and she falls asleep with the sound of the movie on? I wonder if the Tonies box thing would work the same

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 26/05/2023 00:20

I’d take the sides off his cot and get him a duvet. He doesn’t need a sleeping bag.

Original poster

Tiredmummy101 · 26/05/2023 03:54

Update from last night: he went to bed at 7pm, woke up at 8, fell back asleep at 9, woke again at 10.30 didn’t go back to sleep until midnight ( screamed the entire time) and he just woke up again at 3.30am (longest stretch we have had but now screaming hysterical) now that seems to be him awake for the day. How is this normal, feel like the GP is honestly gaslighting me!

OP posts:

ChickpeaPie · 26/05/2023 04:05

I’d try a bed and duvet.
how old is he?

Writeandroll · 26/05/2023 04:33

Is it the dark? Does he have a nightlight?

How about white noise?

So sorry OP I’m currently up with my 18m old who appears to be up for the day!

NewNormalLife · 26/05/2023 04:38

I dont really know anything about it but some GPs prescribe melatonin don't they? could that help make him more sleepy?

Blogdog · 26/05/2023 05:13

Sympathies OP - that sounds really tough. As another poster said would you consider trying a duvet rather than the sleeping bag?

My DS2 was a horrendous sleeper for the first three years. We tried everything but his sleep only materially improved when he moved to a bed and duvet at age 3. In hindsight I think the sleeping bag was either too warm (he runs hot and now (age 12) sleeps under a sheet or 1 tog duvet, even in winter) and so he couldn’t regulate his temperature, or restricted his movements too much.

It may be worth trying - you can always switch back to sleeping bags if it doesn’t help.

Original poster

Tiredmummy101 · 26/05/2023 06:52

So I just purchased a duvet and pillow so will pick that up today and give that a try. I need to look into getting a bed for him to give that a try too.
I asked my HV about melatonin and she said it only helps them fall asleep at the start of the night it doesn’t help them sleep all night unfortunately 🙈
Thank you for all the sympathies and the advice, actually feels better to rant about it to you guys 😊

OP posts:

BrokenLink · 26/05/2023 07:08

Have you got space to put two single beds on his room? You could do a gentle transition by having a parent sleep in the other bed, so he gets used to his own bed/ room and loses the negative associations. My other tip is to buy the comfiest mattresses you can. My children prefer a softer, pocket sprung mattress, and sleep much better on these.

LGBirmingham · 26/05/2023 07:12

It could be worth trying to drop the nap for a few days and seeing if that helps? But you'll have a horrible overtired mess for a while and I think you'd need to try it for a week or more to know if it was going to help.

Otherwise to me I wonder if he is in pain? But you've seen a gp so you may already have ruled everything out. My ds has really suffered with ear infections. The pain can be much worse when lying down apparently.

Scrambledchickens · 26/05/2023 07:26

I would go for a wide low bed with a light duvet and soft fleecy blankets. If he is raging in his sleeping bag he may be getting too hot/ feeling restricted x

RhubarbFairy · 26/05/2023 07:32

Sounds rough, OP.

My first thought was to move him into a bed. Yes, they can get out, but could you put a gate on his door so that he's safe in there, plus a video monitor to keep an eye on him.

Re the sleeping bag: DS1 loved his. Slept in one for about the first three years of his life and only stopped because he outgrew them all. We naturally started down the same sleeping bag path with DS2. He absolutely hated them. He'd have a really unsettled night and would always somehow manage to trap the ends of it under himself, so he had no space. He wouldn't keep a blanket on either, so we bought fleece sleepsuits with feet that he wore over his PJs. It felt very strange to see him lay there with no covers, but it worked well. Could be another option if the duvet is a non-starter.

Toniebox is a good shout if he settles listening to something. Or if you've already got an Audible subscription, pick up an Echo Dot and connect your phone to it. DS1 (now 12) goes to sleep using his Dot to play thunderstorms or rain sounds, but has in the past used meditation stories.

Pastaf0rbreakfast · 26/05/2023 07:39

This sounds unbearable OP, I’m so sorry you are going through it.

I know he is overtired but reading your post about him going to sleep at 7pm - there is absolutely no way I would get my 20 month old to sleep at 7pm if he had 1-2hr nap in the day. I usually cap it at 1hour, waking no later than 1.30pm and he’ll be ready for bed by 8.30pm, maybe 8pm if he has been particularly active in the day.

In your situation, I would be tempted to just drop bedtime for a few days. Let him stay up as late as he wants, with no pressure to go to sleep/cot/his room. Eventually he will fall asleep and then keep him in your bed or cot, whichever he sleeps best in. Do the same for resettles, get up and play if he isn’t going back to sleep within 10-15mins. i know this sounds horrific but it should only be a few days. I would also wake him at the same time everyday and cap/lose the nap. Essentially, remove any pressure at bedtime/night time. Eventually, he should start getting tired around same time every day and if you consistently wake at same time every morning and cap the nap, bedtime should be easier a quicker.

Other things that you could try:

Full size single with duvet and (small) pillow. At least you can then get in with him or lie down in there when he plays!
Multivitamin and omega 3 supplements
lots of outdoor time
lots of connection and play in day/evening
Magnesium body cream. We use this on DS’s feet before bed and it makes a big difference. Maybe it’s placebo but seems to work!

ShirleyPhallus · 26/05/2023 07:41

This sounds awful OP, hats off to you for even functioning as sounds really exhausting

i agree with the other comments but also, spend lots of time in his room during the day playing nice games and stuff so that he has a nice association of it and doesn’t just dread bedtime

We also got ours to choose a night light, all the advice is black out blinds but she then was a bit scared of the dark and a nightlight was hugely helpful

I think as a first step, if you can get him to be comfortable in his room even if he’s awake but calm then that’s a huge step. So working out why he’s screaming - hot, restricted, in pain, tired etc etc