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Original poster

21 month old and feeds night

42 replies

Adviceneeded234 · 18/05/2023 13:59

We are looking to stop our toddlers feeds at night she has two bottles throughout the night.

we have tried not giving to her in the past and she will just scream And cry non stop for hours for example we gave her a bottle at 12am last night. She fell asleep but woke-up and asked for more milk around 3am. She stayed up screaming until 6:30am when I gave in.

any one have any advice for us?

Our approach the next few nights will be one feed only, and that will be in a sippy cup so she will have to do the work and if she asks for a second, we will just have to let her scream it out. Am hopefully cut the first bottle out in a weeks time

Should I go in and good / soothe her? Is this approach right, what did you do? I appreciate each child is different but we are desperate for sleep (she has been screaming her head off most nights between 1-5am) and we would like another baby but can’t see how we would survive with her being this way.

advice welcomed!

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Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 18/05/2023 14:34

Anyone all all have any advice? I am pretty desperate!

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/05/2023 14:38

Offer water in a bottle and that's it. Our boy went from waking every night for a lovely warm bottle to sleeping right through as if water was all that was on offer he wasn't bothered. Ignore the howling and complaining you KNOW there's nothing wrong. It's just a habit that needs to be broken, no child of that age needs milk in the night. I look back and wonder what on earth I was thinking! 🙄😂

Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 18/05/2023 14:58

Thanks @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor we’ve done the water in a bottle and had anger. I didn’t persevere with it but perhaps I should have.

agree about them not needing it at this age - you were thinking you wanted sleep!

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/05/2023 15:14

Honestly they only thing that will stop this is you persevering with it and you must as apart from lack of sleep it's terrible for the teeth!

Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 18/05/2023 20:46

Thank you! First night tonight and I am
dreading it 😭

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/05/2023 21:04

It'll be fine, it's not like she's a little baby, she's just a stroppy toddler exerting her will. Do NOT back down or it will be a 100x worse tomorrow. If she's genuinely thirsty she'll take water. She can have milk for breakfast when she wakes up. Good luck, you CAN do it!!! 👍

Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 19/05/2023 00:51

I really needed to see your comment!! She woke up and has been exactly that, stroppy and throwing herself around screaming at the top of her lungs I went in to give her water and wow she got really annoyed with me.

I’ve come back to bed and she’s surprisingly calmer but I know she will kick up again in a bit

So glad I read this comment now, it’s given me strength

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Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 19/05/2023 03:07

Ok so we are on hour 3 and toddler has kicked off again. She has been on and off for the last 3 hours.
its really tough, especially when she calls out mummy. I am however staying strong and know this will be for the best in the long run.

I am worried about doing this for the next 2-3 weeks. Some people say it takes 3-5 days but my daughter is very stubborn so I expect it to take much longer.

will continue to update thread as I know there’ll be other mums out there seeking the advice I couldn’t find

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haloangel · 19/05/2023 03:18

Keep going your doing great!! Here for you 👏

Isthisexpected · 19/05/2023 03:27

She's actually old enough to discuss this and get pre-warned of the change to water in a cup. Try to think about how big changes like this would feel if sprung on you and out of your control completely. It's a good starting point in parenting decisions in toddlerhood. It's really unsettling to go through change inflicted upon us from nowhere. Her anger is a reflection of that. So I personally wouldn't have just done this out of the blue. I'd have explained we were going to have water tonight if she wanted a drink and let her choose a new cup and made it all very exciting and positive, and then been prepared to acknowledge her feelings in the night about it being difficult etc.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 19/05/2023 08:09

Adviceneeded234 · 19/05/2023 03:07

Ok so we are on hour 3 and toddler has kicked off again. She has been on and off for the last 3 hours.
its really tough, especially when she calls out mummy. I am however staying strong and know this will be for the best in the long run.

I am worried about doing this for the next 2-3 weeks. Some people say it takes 3-5 days but my daughter is very stubborn so I expect it to take much longer.

will continue to update thread as I know there’ll be other mums out there seeking the advice I couldn’t find

Ds shouted "Mummy,I LOVE yooooooooou, I neeeeeeeed milk" 🙄😂

It really won't take 3 weeks, a few days at the absolute max. Stick with it and expect tonight to be worse as she realizes you really mean business but tomorrow better hopefully.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 19/05/2023 08:10

Isthisexpected · 19/05/2023 03:27

She's actually old enough to discuss this and get pre-warned of the change to water in a cup. Try to think about how big changes like this would feel if sprung on you and out of your control completely. It's a good starting point in parenting decisions in toddlerhood. It's really unsettling to go through change inflicted upon us from nowhere. Her anger is a reflection of that. So I personally wouldn't have just done this out of the blue. I'd have explained we were going to have water tonight if she wanted a drink and let her choose a new cup and made it all very exciting and positive, and then been prepared to acknowledge her feelings in the night about it being difficult etc.

All good points ,I kind of presumed that had been done already when I have my advice.

Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 19/05/2023 09:35

Night one done! My husband took over this morning so I got to sleep in a little, he gave her cuddles and her breakfast straight away which she actually ate. She usually fills up on milk throughout the night and then refuses to eat breakfast

I was a little nervous waking up, I wondered if she still might be angry with me but no. Just very happy to see me and we cuddled and played together and I gave her some. Yogurt and blueberries and explained why she had no milk last night but she would eat all her favourite foods today and have milk before nap time from her sippee cup.

I did wonder if tonight would be worse- i am prepared and I hope it is a matter of days and not weeks!

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Fleur405 · 19/05/2023 09:39

I don’t have any advice re this specific situation save that however tough it is you need to decide what you are going to do and stick with it. Personally I would go in and comfort her if she’s crying.

Good that she ate breakfast this morning though!

Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 19/05/2023 09:40

Yes! I did explain to her before she went to bed last night, when I went in at night and offered her water and again this morning and told her I loved her but no more milk at night etc,

we do this regularly with her, she can clearly understand more now so when we drop her off at nursery and she cries I will hug her and explain she will be going to nursery etc and have a lovely time playing and getting cuddles and that I will come pick her up in the afternoon and we will go do XYZ.

if I’m honest none of that helped last night or when she is so upset, she just gets really mad which I know is normal but at that moment no amount of being reasonable or explaining why you are doing something helps.

To anyone who may be reading this for advice, if your child is a toddler like mine that’s not to say to not do it! They understand a lot more at this age.

thank you! This thread did give me strength in the stillness of night and I’m so glad I did not crack.

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Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 19/05/2023 09:43

Ha, mummy I love you would’ve just broken me!

thankfully she was more quiet and trying to settle herself than screaming. She did have her moments and I almost went in a few times but she settled and I could see she was trying to sleep again. So it is a bit of a judgement call, and I wouldn’t go in if she’s trying to settle bcos she will just kick off again.

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Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 20/05/2023 02:34

Night two: fell asleep at 7pm. Before falling asleep, husband and I spent a lot of quality time with her. Took her swimming, to the park, for a walk, cuddles, I even played with her and explained through her teddies what would be happening tonight. No milk but we loved her and would give her food and milk in her cup when she woke

Husband put her to bed and held her for a very long time so when he put her down she didn’t cry

she woke just before midnight and started to cry. I went in and gave her water explained she needed to go to sleep, she had all her favourite toys with her etc and water, gave her a kiss. She lost it but eventually calmed down. She has been on and off since then but it got pretty bad just now and she started fo throw herself back against the cot and started to hit her head. This is where I draw the line and so I am holding her and will be as long as she needs me to.

she’s had some water but hasn’t asked for milk.

I think she’s suffering from separation anxiety. So I think we may have cracked the milk issue but need to focus on this separate issue

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pursefurstpirsefrudt · 20/05/2023 04:13

Very best of luck with this. I have to do the same thing(19m old). But we are moving house in two weeks so I am going to wait for him to settle in new house then read this thread again! I look forward to reading your journey. It'll be so worth it!

Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 20/05/2023 17:35

Well I hope you find some useful tips when you get round to doing it too.

night two was better in some ways and worse in others. Worse in the way my daughter was banging her head against the cot and clearly in distress, and to be fair that was distressing for me to see too. I did go in straight away and held and kissed her, offered her water etc.

didnt ask for milk and I didn’t give any. She seemed so grateful I was there. I ended up holding her for just over an hour and when I put her down she woke screaming again. I lay on the floor beside her cot but she just kept trying to get out to me, I tried putting on soothing noises through her night light, that didn’t help too much.

I ended up saying goodnight, gave her a kiss and left. I was worried she would hit her hit again but thankfully she didn’t. She had a bit of a cry but went to sleep within minutes. I think a combination of being so tired by then and perhaps starting to get the picture too.

i cant remember if I said earlier but she started nursery at the end of April and so is struggling with separation anxiety, she is starting to improve with going to nursery but her sleep has been awful and it has been affecting us too, some nights she will be awake from 12am- 4am having milk and wanting to be held. 5 weeks in and we just can’t do it anymore. We are so bloody sleep deprived. So something had to change.

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Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 20/05/2023 17:36

I should add, we are moving house in august too so I am hoping we will crack this by then.

I won’t be doing the night shift with her as I do need to sleep tonight. my husband will.

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Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 21/05/2023 19:32

Night three: this was yesterday and my husband was on toddler duty throughout.

she woke up as normal at 12am and husband reassured her, gave her water and hugs. He didn’t sit in the chair with her, simply held, kissed and comforted her. He did this 2/3 times between 12-2am and she fell asleep after that and didn’t wake until 6:30am.

didn’t ask for milk and has been hungry through the day, her appetite is so much better.

Definitely progress

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RedRosette2023 · 21/05/2023 19:35

My second DS is the same age. He is sometimes sleeping through and other times feeding 1-3x a night. I think it’s more about his daytime naps and outdoor time. A day spent outdoors = a good nights sleep. I cap his nap now to 1-1.5 hour.

I notice his sleep is much worse after nursery.

PinkPlantCase · 21/05/2023 19:42

Sounds like great progress OP, I think we cut out the night milk at around 20 months. He got over not having milk within a few nights but it might have taken a month or so for him to stop needing a cuddle if he woke up. He wouldn’t be upset though, sometimes he’d need to be cuddled to sleep and other times he’d have a quick one and go back down.

Either way that gradually reduced without us doing anything and he’s slept through since 😁

Original poster
Adviceneeded234 · 21/05/2023 20:26

That’s so reassuring @PinkPlantCase i have problem with the cuddles, the 4 hour screaming sessions and having to hold her were not sustainable. It’s good to hear from someone else and that it took around a month for you.

@RedRosette2023 its interesting isn’t it? I have been making a list of tips for other parents to post on here later but I realise it’s unique to every child. it really is about working out your child’s preferences/ what causes them anxiety and how best to deal with it and I think we are making progress.

generally it helps if she has a stimulating day, we go out everyday regardless of whether, today we were out this morning in the garden and again for a walk to the park after nap but before dinner. So lots of walking, playing, seeing new things (like a caterpillar). Yesterday we went to a garden centre and visited family, so it’s different types of stimulation that we find helps. Good luck on your journey!

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RedRosette2023 · 21/05/2023 20:29

yes he sleeps better than my first!