21 month old and feeds night

[Adviceneeded234]

We are looking to stop our toddlers feeds at night she has two bottles throughout the night.

we have tried not giving to her in the past and she will just scream And cry non stop for hours for example we gave her a bottle at 12am last night. She fell asleep but woke-up and asked for more milk around 3am. She stayed up screaming until 6:30am when I gave in.

any one have any advice for us?

Our approach the next few nights will be one feed only, and that will be in a sippy cup so she will have to do the work and if she asks for a second, we will just have to let her scream it out. Am hopefully cut the first bottle out in a weeks time

Should I go in and good / soothe her? Is this approach right, what did you do? I appreciate each child is different but we are desperate for sleep (she has been screaming her head off most nights between 1-5am) and we would like another baby but can’t see how we would survive with her being this way.

advice welcomed!

About to embark on night 4:

had a great day, spent time outside in the morning and again in the late afternoon. Played with her inside and explained to her before bed what would happen tonight and that she didn’t need to cry when she woke up, all she needs to do is say mummy and I will give her a cuddle.

at bed time she seemed much less stressed and teary - so this is definitely a much improved evening! Let’s see what the night brings..

🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

I wonder if all the explanation and reassurance might be feeding into her anxiety that there’s something to worry about?

You must be exhausted, my kids didn't have a bottle during the night past 10 weeks old!

I think perseverance and leaving a bottle of water on their bed for them to get themselves.

I really am. We really are sleep deprived. The reason we decided to do this now is, before it was simply waking up drinking her milk and going straight back to sleep. Now it is crying for hours, not for milk as we’ve discovered but separation anxiety.

night 4 over and done with. Better in some ways, worse in others. She didn’t wake until 3am- which at first I thought great, she is not waking up at 12am, improvement. But she wouldn’t go back to sleep, I went in 4 times and held her for a bit, reassured her etc. my husband took over at 5am but she just wouldn’t go back to sleep so ended up bringing her down around 6am.

She is now having an earlier than usual morning nap. I am going to let her sleep for as long as she wants, as it is early enough and she needs to make up for lost night time sleep but have swimming booked late this afternoon which should ensure enough activity. Potentially a walk too in the garden or park.

I am shattered. Luckily it is my day off but I need to get up and make dinner and clean the kitchen. Then I need to find the energy to keep my toddler engaged. I can usually do this even one or two bad nights sleep but we are now talking 5 weeks of sleep deprivation.

Husband had suggested he do tonight, he thinks she acts up more with me and I think this might be the case.

I am also going to contact the Health visitor / advisor today as this is getting ridiculous.

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom potentially.

the reassurance definitely works in the evening before we put her down, we’ve noticed she is calmer whereas before she was crying as soon as she knew we were starting her bedtime routine (bath/ change/ moisturise/ book etc) and would throw up almost every night.

she hasn’t done this since we talk to her about her having a good sleep and giving her cuddles etc. so definitely helping then but when she wakes up at 3am she is inconsolable and nothing you say apart from a cuddle/ being held will help. Although when she is waking up in the middle of the night we are not saying much apart from things like, it’s ok, we love you. Here’s your water, it’s night time have a good sleep etc.

so I think we’ll continue with it especially the reassuring bits in the middle of the night.

Night 5

after Last night I am dreading tonight. We’ve had another very good day, been in the garden playing with her ball, blocks, digging etc. and is very tired, I hope she sleeps straight through.

gone are the days she would wake up in the middle of the night and we’d hear coos and clapping and singing from her. Now it’s all screams and crying. 😭

Night 5 is over! It wasn’t as bad as some of the nights. My daughter woke up at 12:30am and husband tried to calm her down, he left her to it after that and she did calm down and for the first time in a long time she sounded happy and was playing in her cot for a bit but then kicked off again.

husband went in again at 3am and held her for a few mins and put her down. She kicked off a bit but calmed down pretty quickly too. She fell asleep around 4am.

from what we’ve seen consistency is key and hopefully she will get the picture soon. We are going to start winding down the amount of times we go in at the minute (this does not apply if she becomes extremely distressed) to maximum twice for the rest of this week.

We have 3 under 2s and unfortunately they were still wanting a bottle at that age but we worked out to fill before we went to sleep and lay the bottle next to them and they just had a drink from it as and when and thus stopped waking us. Now they all have one feeder cup of water left for them before we sleep and ye it saves them waking and us waking. I think its a comfort think with our 3 and tbh most mornings the water hasn't been drank now but they do put there hand out to feel the cup beside them in there sleep

I know you're sleep deprived but this is a little person afraid to be alone. Try and get in her mindset a bit. She isn't kicking off, she's fearful. Most adults like to sleep with another human. It's in our evolutionary survival to sleep with others around us. It's the western modern notion of putting children in their own rooms so both parents aren't too tired to work that is the problem. I feel so sad reading about her crying.

Milk in a bottle should be stopped from 12 months.
Milk will damage your child's teeth, as I'm presuming your not brushing them whilst their asleep?

@Justmyviews its a crap comment, not helping anyone - move on.

Night 6 & 7 have been better. She woke on night. 6 but not for long and night 7 - she slept from 8- until 6pm! First proper nights sleep we have had in a long time.

consistency is key and for all the posters saying it’s heartbreaking reading about the crying, I agree. We don’t let her cry so she is hysterical or really stressed, the nights she has been awake have been proper crying so we go in and cuddle her (previously we were holding her for 1/2 hours every night but even that was not enough) and put her down again. She is upset at first but her crying tends to calm down a lot to more moany crying. The last couple of nights she has been up but happy in her crib, playing clapping etc.

as a parent you also have a responsibility to help your child to overcome their fear/ anxiety and I can see we are doing that. The change in her is amazing and I can finally see my happy little girl again.

for example the past 5 weeks she has been screaming at bed time, hating to be put down in her crib. Today, my husband held her for 30mins after her bedtime routine and has put her down. We can see she is awake but she is calm in her crib.

Hoping for a good night for us all!

OK what you've said about how you're responding to her stress/fear makes me feel better. There are degrees of crying aren't there and it's hard to articulate in the written word. What do you think is happening? Do you think she's learning how to calm down, or that she doesn't need to be scared, or something else? Do you think you're learning too?

I think she has separation anxiety brought on by starting nursery. We’ve taken her to the drs to check out the vomiting issue and she ruled out any physical issues (we agree). I spoke to the health advisor this week and she has given me some tips but honestly we are doing all of those already. I think it is just a combination of being patient & consistent and hopefully she will soon be ok.

she had a great day at nursery yesterday. Ate every meal, played really well on her own and with others. So that is improving

last night wasn’t the best. she woke up at 12:30am and was hysterical again. I went in gave her a cuddle and some water, put her down and she wasn’t having it. Husband went in after me and did the same and put her down when she had calmed down, this time she went ballistic and was hysterical so he ended up holding her for an hour and put her down when she was asleep. She did a little moan but was too tired to fight and fell asleep at 3am and woke just before 6am.

it is still a lot better than what she was like 3 weeks ago. We managed to get 5 hours last night, no where near enough but much better than 3/4 hours like we had been.

it is all a lot for us, I am feeling really down and have been the last few days. I really just want my life back and be able to function throughout the day again at work and home and not go to bed and feel anxious about what type of night we will have 😭

And yes, I agree! Different types of crying, we definitely don’t let her get hysterical. She really is going through something when we pick her up she is shaking at times (like last night) so those times we take turns to be there for her until she is properly calm and able to be put in her cot and can take in what we are saying

Daughter is sick (Third time this month!) so naturally all this hopes out the window until she is better.

will update next week when she is feeling better