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Original poster

Gentler versions of controlled crying?

38 replies

sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 09:38

Please tell me any modified forms of 'crying it out' that have worked for you - e.g. staying by the cot, leaving baby for a short maximum length of time (how long?), etc. Please be detailed about the 'rules' you used. I'm desperate but don't think I could keep up Gina Ford-style cc - in fact I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do it at all :(

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popsycal · 09/12/2004 09:39

when I did CC I left DS for literally 30 seconds the first time....then maybe 50 seconds....then 70 seconds. I couldn't stand leaving him for 5 minutes the first time. It worked in a night for us - but he was a little bit older (17 months)

Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 09:59

Oh, I'd love to think that might work ..... DS is 10 months

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popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:01

give it a try - i was dead against it but it worked for us

Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:02

I am dead against it too! :( But am not being a good mummy with no sleep - so can't win really :(

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popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:05

try it...let me find my thread for you from january

Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:05

Thanks popsycal

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popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:06

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=5&threadid=15947#372085\here you go!!!}

Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:16

That is so encouraging popsycal

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Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:19

You and Hulababy sound just like me, instinctively against it but utterly desperate. So when you go in, you settle them down, pick up and cuddle if necessary, then leave once they're calm, is that right?

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Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:21

I know you didn't need to set a maximum limit popsycal so this is for anyone who did: what do you do when baby reaches the max? E.g. if you decide 5 mins, do you go in after 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 mins and from then on continue going in at 5 min intervals??

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popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:21

All I did (and I know ds was a bit older) was avoid eye contact, lie him down if he was standing up or sitting up, keep the light out and say go to sleep its night time. gave him a kiss and came out and shut the door

popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:21

I think the idea is that you keep extending the time you leave them for....

Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:22

popsycal was he always calm when you left? That's the idea isn't it? (It's just with PU/PD there are 2 versions: hold till calm, and immediate PD - so I need to get the cc rules straight in my head.)

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popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:23

yes, he pretty much calmed down once I went in.
Not sure how long you are meant to stay in the room if they don't calm down...hope someone else can help

Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:23

Yes I think you're right popsycal but I know some people set a max limit - I'd feel better with that. I KNOW I couldn't leave him to cry for hours, as some friends of mine have. Also I'd be worried he was in real trouble.

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Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:24

Sorry our posts keep crossing! Very grateful for all this info

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littledonkeyrach · 09/12/2004 10:25

we have done gradual withdrawal with DD1, it worked but does take a while, and is boring!!

basically you put baby down in cot and hold their hand or pat their back the first few nights, then gradually you can retreat to the door, then leave the room. The idea is that they gey used to you being further away, but are still comforted. We are doing this with DD2 too, although she is rather easier to put down. DD1 always wanted a bottle to go to sleep, so we had to break the cycle.

Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:33

Hmm, have tried something along the lines of the withdrawal method - suspect we need something a little more radical now :(

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Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:34

I think I meant gradual withdrawal - the other is a method of contraception isn't it? :) At least I made myself smile for the first time today

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popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:37

try my 'wimps guide to CC' then!
let us know how you go

Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:39

I think I will. Feeling awful about it though - I've spent 10 months determined I'd never do it :(

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popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:40

i spent 17 months determined I would never do it!
:)

Original poster
sleepdeprived · 09/12/2004 10:41

You are making me feel better! And I will update.

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popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:41

Just don't read the sleep thread I have on the go at the moment....:)

popsycal · 09/12/2004 10:41

Just don't read the sleep thread I have on the go at the moment....:)