Gentler versions of controlled crying?

[sleepdeprived]

Please tell me any modified forms of 'crying it out' that have worked for you - e.g. staying by the cot, leaving baby for a short maximum length of time (how long?), etc. Please be detailed about the 'rules' you used. I'm desperate but don't think I could keep up Gina Ford-style cc - in fact I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do it at all :(

Oh nooo, I'll have to go and look at it now .....

LOL
he still goes to sleep briliantly though and this sleep problem is only in the last few months,,,,,9 months of perfection first!

Hmm, well 9 months of perfection does sound tempting in itself ......

Hi SleepDeprived. With DS, we did CC at 12 weeks. Looking back i think we were very harsh! It was at suggestion of HV (whose advise i really respected), who felt he should not be having a bottle during the night. The first night we got little to no sleep. We offered him water instead of milk. (oh, and not only were we stopping night time feed, we were moving him from our room to his room and from crib to cot! How horrid were we!). Memory is hazy (4.5 years ago) but i think we always got him calm before leaving room and only left him 10 mins max at any time, so possibly not true CC. He got it sorted in 2 days and possibly because he "learnt" at such a young age we never had a problem when routine got disturbed (teething,illness,etc) getting him back to routine.
DD on the other hand got herself sleeping through the night at about 9 weeks - she stopped her own night time feed. Then at about 6 months it all went wrong. I really can't remember if it was Christmas, teething or illness that did it - suffice to say i was concerned that the crying was disturbing DS (on occasions it woke him). So easy option was to give her milk. Then we found milk wasn't sending her back off. At this point we would leave her possibly up to 30 mins at a time - normally with pillows over our heads to muffle the noise! It got to the point where as i mentioned in the other post i physically could not get out of bed to go to her. (Very strange feeling that one!). In desperation i rang the HV i had for her. She came round and had long chat with me about sleep issues and ways to resolve them. After listening to what i told her she pointed out that i'd been using about 5 different techniques and so no wonder it wasn't working (the "no wonder" comment was me not the HV!) She suggested simply going in, checking all was OK - moving if necessary and covering so not cold, then leaving with no eye contact and no talking. She also recommended we planned when we were going to start this as DS had since started school and i didnt want him disturbed too much - so half term was an idea. We decided to go for it straight away as felt we'd already made a start with that day and my ability to get out of bed (DH does his share but he wasnt' much better that day either!). I think the time we'd left her to cry had really done her good (horrible as that sounds), as we didn't get such hysterical crying after that. We would leave her 5 mins, then 10 mins then 15 mins (think that was max we got to). We still have to go in occasionally now (about 2 months on) but it is literally in, cover and out and she is quiet again. Hope that helps in some way - think the most important advice from HV was to pick a method and stick to it - be firm, it's really hard i know - but you NEED your sleep and so does the little one! Good luck and sorry it's such a long, rambling post!

Thanks SO much jude. Wish I could GET HOLD of my HV - have left 2 desperate messages for her - the last one at 3.30 this morning - no reply.

To clarify (sorry to be thick): If I set a 15-min time limit, does that mean, go in at 5, 10 & 15 min intervals, then repeat the 15 min interval as many times as necessary?

And what would you actually recommend I do when I go in to him? Get him calm before I leave the room? Cuddle or not? What do I do if he doesnt calm down when I go in??

With DD i didn't touch her unless i had to move her (who'd have thought it would be so hard to find a 15 month old in a cot!) - i didn't cuddle her or comfort her, just covered her back up and left again. To start with she'd stand back up, so all i'd do is a few mins later go and lie her back down again. When it got to 15 mins, yes we would go in every 15 mins. I think the most time we were actually doing the whole thing for was about 2hrs (that was at it's very worst). I have to admit i still really hate to hear her crying and in some way it affects me more than it used to with DS - but i guess that's a topic for another thread!

Personally I would never suggest anyone does any form of sleep training without having read about sleep problems and the basis for sleep training. My own view is that you can do it as 'softly' or as 'harshly' as you feel is appropriate for you and your baby - the basic principle is the same, that you are teaching them to go to sleep by themselves, rather than needing you to feed/rock/otherwise intervene. I think all sleep training from pick up/put down to crying it out is based on this principle (even some of the things suggested by Elizabeth Pantley I think - though I've only skim read her book in the shop!). The main difference is how gradually (or not) you withdraw the previous sleep association - quick methods tend to be more effective mroe quickly but involve more crying, slow methods are sometimes less effective because they require greater persistence to follow through (i.e. its easier to slide back to old habits rather than continue with a very gradual and slow withdrawal process). I don't think the details of how long/what you do are that important, as long as you decide what YOU are going to do and stick to it. That's probably easier once you've read a range of suggested programmes. For me, any method which involved picking up/trying to calm my ds1 wouldn't have worked - he needed to be left alone to cry himself to sleep, unfortunately - 'soothing' just overstimulated him even more.
But the main reason for reading a lot about it is that it enables you to understand what you're doing and why, and gives you the motivation and confidence to carry through a sleep training programme. hth

elliott many thanks. I have read a lot: Gina Ford, Tracy Hogg, Elizabeth Pantley, etc etc. I just havent read Ferber, that's all. TBH I feel like I've read enough and now need support and 1st-hand experience from other mums. Once I've gathered a few stories I'll make my mind up based on what seems right for my DS.

if you really feel the need to do something about going to sleep, do what you feel comfortable with and will be able to stick to...as if you back down, you will have to start from scratch again.

If I remember rightly, my plan was to have very short intervals ike i described earlier. Don't think I would have gone over about 10-15 minutes though.....just kept repeating that upper time interval if necessary.

That was my personal feeling - but it is a very personal thing.

Good luck

Thanks popsycal

:( :( Can't start tonight as DP has said he can't help as he has a big day tomorrow - also I think DS is getting a cold :(

Well, DS DOES have a cold, but weirdly, he slept THIRTEEN WHOLE HOURS last night, only waking once at 10pm, very briefly - DP didn't even pick him up, just waited a bit, went in, laid him down and left again ....

Maybe he's been reading my threads!

I'm sure it's a fluke but it does give me hope.

wow sleepdeprived!!!!!
keep upi the good work!