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Original poster

Next to me crib? Partner says it's lazy!

94 replies

Butterflies12 · 19/03/2023 09:02

Hi,
I'm wondering if anyone has any advice about a next to me crib. I am 5 months pregnant and think a next to me crib would be lovely because you are close to baby, can't easily pick them up without getting out of bed and they know you are close. I'm also likely to have a c section so think a next to me would be easier to reach baby. My partner has said his sister is going to buy us a moses basket. When I said that was kind but I would prefer to choose myself and want a next to me crib, he said that they are just lazy and who can't be bothered to get out of bed and walk a few steps to their baby. He also said he thinks they sound dangerous. Has anyone got any advice/experience to share? It's our first baby so I don't.

OP posts:

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YouJustDoYou · 19/03/2023 09:14

When you're crippled with sleep deprevation the next to bed crib is a bloody godsend. Your partner is a naieve idiot.

Idratherhaveapieceoftoast · 19/03/2023 09:15

My last baby hated her SnuzPod.

Hated it so, so much.

Moses basket? Slept in there for months.

I didn't find the SnuzPod that handy either. I had a CS and had to get out at the foot of the bed, which was painful.. plus it was a bit ugly and I found it hard to get breastfed baby out. Mind you, she only "slept" in it 2 nights.

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 19/03/2023 09:15

They use them (not the brand NextToMe but little half circle cribs integrated into the maternity beds) in maternity wards in Germany.

Have you pointed out that you won't be able to get out of bed without his help for the first week after your caesarean and that while some babies might only wake a couple of times per night many wake ten + times a night in the first few months.

Reaching out a hand and laying it on your baby may resettle them but he's saying he's going to get up every time and bring you the baby to breastfeed instead is he?

Or is he suggesting he'll bottle feed for all the night feeds for the first few weeks so you can heal from your major abdominal surgery (for similar surgeries the patient would be signed off work for 6-8 weeks) and you'll do day feeds - ask him straight faced.

Your partner really does sound like a problem tbh - does he always think his word is law, his family of origin's whims and wishes are more important than your and his baby's needs and his unresearched opinion overrides facts?

Cherryblossoms85 · 19/03/2023 09:15

He's a nob end.

Mmmmpavlova · 19/03/2023 09:15

They purpose isn't for laziness reasons (honestly, what a bizarre conclusion to jump to!). The idea is to have the baby by your side, while still in their own safe space. Maternal instinct to keep your newborn baby as close as physically possible is very very strong - and your baby will feel the same!

Second to this, but also extremely relevant, is your physical recovery in the immediate postpartum period. As the saying goes, prepare for two weeks in the bed, two weeks on the bed and two weeks near the bed (if you feel able for more than this, great, but don't automatically count on it).

FKATondelayo · 19/03/2023 09:17

Get the crib, bin the partner. You don't need two babies to look after.

Geranium1984 · 19/03/2023 09:17

We have a next to me crib but I've never actually put it up against the bed. I put it on the far side of the room. I think I put the side down and had it next to the bed one night when my son was ill once.
You'll still need to get up in the night unfortunately as baby will need a nappy change with feeds. And burping.
Anyway, I like it as a crib, is a good size that lasts till they're about 5mo.

crumpet · 19/03/2023 09:17

Is he going to guarantee to wake at the first noise from the baby, then get up and bring it to you without delay? Possibly several times a night?

if not then he doesn’t get a say.

FWIW dh slept so soundly that he rarely heard a thing, would wake up and comment that the baby slept well, and then see the bin of nappies etc which were all changed during the night at each of several feeds. He was well meaning but hopeless.

Whattowearintheoffice · 19/03/2023 09:18

for ours, we had a Moses basket or similar downstairs and a next to me upstairs. For our first child at the start, it was hard to convince the baby to sleep in either, but had much more luck with the next-to-me. Point blank refused the Moses basket.

they also outgrow a Moses basket much quicker, whereas we could use the next to me until they were sitting up. Sometimes that’s the difference between six-eight weeks and five-six months.

I got our next to me second hand and got a new mattress, which worked great and brought than the cost significantly.

but as someone else mentioned, it can be hard to get out of the bed after giving birth with a next to me attached. The first time we put it on my husband’s side for that reason. The second time, I was in better shape so it was on my side.

But I would 100 per cent recommend them! I loved having the baby so close.

shouldhavetakenmorenotice · 19/03/2023 09:18

These things were just becoming a thing when DS was born. So glad we had one.

I'd also recommend shoving DH in the nursery if he keeps being an arse

FKATondelayo · 19/03/2023 09:19

The baby decides where they sleep, not you. Neither of mine ever slept in a cot because they screamed blue murder whenever they were put in one. Bedside cot is much safer than co-sleeping.

JassyRadlett · 19/03/2023 09:21

I had the Moses basket for my first and the Next2Me for my second and honestly, the Next2Me was a game changer. So, so much better than the basket, easier to get them back down asleep as you're not putting them back in vertically, easier to soothe them if they're just unsettled in the night as well as being able to grab them easily. They're designed to be totally safe if you use them appropriately.

They also last for MUCH longer than even a big Moses basket. I have giant babies and the Next2Me lasted until DS2 was at least months. DS1 had grown out of the Moses basket by about 3 months from memory.

Brunts12 · 19/03/2023 09:21

Your partner sounds lovely.
I used my next2me with all my kids and absolutely loved it. But I can see how it could be a challenge to get baby out of it, if you’ll have a CS. Also, next2me is significantly larger then most moses baskets, so baby won’t outgrow it as quick.

Lastnamedidntstick · 19/03/2023 09:22

he said that they are just lazy and who can't be bothered to get out of bed and walk a few steps to their baby

explain to him you will have had surgery and won’t be able to get up to get the baby for 6 weeks.

then put the Moses basket on his side of the bed and make him get up and hand you the baby every time. Any objections tell him he’s just being lazy, it’s only a few steps.

lozrox90 · 19/03/2023 09:23

My husband was a bit like this before our first, moaning that we'd have to change things round in our bedroom to fit the next to me by the bed and why couldn't we just have a Moses basket in the room where we had space. He soon changed his tune when our DS arrived and we both kept having to get out of bed multiple times a night to soothe him. Our next to me was a lifesaver, both our DS' slept so much better being close to me and it saved so much getting up in the night!

Ariela · 19/03/2023 09:24

Cut hubby out of the equation, speak directly to SIL.

BelindaBears · 19/03/2023 09:25

Our Moses basket lasted about 10 minutes before baby grew out of it. If you can get one cheap or free it’s useful as somewhere to put the baby while you’re downstairs. Used the Snuzpod for 6 months.

BubziOwl · 19/03/2023 09:27

Very seriously, tell him to do one.

Next to me cribs are lazy... I've heard it all now.

If he plans to do all the night wake ups, then he can choose to walk across the room to a different crib if he likes.

Blueroses99 · 19/03/2023 09:28

I had a Moses basket downstairs and a Next2Me attached to my bed. We started with moving the Moses basket and the stand up and down as needed but that got annoying after a while, especially as I wouldn’t be able to do it on my own with baby.

Also babies grow out of Moses baskets pretty quickly! I had a tiny baby so used for months but I have heard of larger babies growing out of them in a matter of weeks! So a side sleeper tends to be used for longer.

Being close to my baby helped settle her, I could reach out and touch her and she would go back to sleep, without either of us getting out of bed.

The Next2Me could be inclined when reflux became an issue, a Moses can’t (safely) usually.

For PP that asked, Moses baskets are generally intended to be slept in overnight so safety tested on this basis (not just for naps).

Ultimately any kit that you use needs to work for you and the baby, not just what the person gifting you items wants you to use.

ReedRite · 19/03/2023 09:28

Is he a bit of people pleaser and too much of a wimp to tell SIL thanks, but no thanks, in case she gets offended?

Rowthe · 19/03/2023 09:30

OP let him get what he wants, I mean he'll be doing all the night shifts wont he?
He isnt lazy is he?👍🏼

FlounderingFruitcake · 19/03/2023 09:32

Well he sounds like a gem…

Co sleepers of course have their positives. However, you’ll have to get in and out of via the foot of the bed which is next to impossible after a section. If you bottle feed you have to get up to do the bottle anyway. Newborns are snuffly noisy little creatures and I couldn’t get any sleep with mine that close to me. And it’s not a given that you’ll be doing multiple night feeds because there’s a huge range of normal, neither of mine ever had more than 1 night feed and were pretty much sleeping through by 2 months old. So we did fine with a combination of the moses basket and big cot.

Sarahcoggles · 19/03/2023 09:34

It’s nothing to do with laziness, it’s practical and sensible.

I didn’t have a next-to-crib when DS was a baby as I don’t think they existed then. At least I didn’t know they existed. DS wouldn’t sleep in a Moses basket or cot, so we co-slept. A next-to-crib would have been much better.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 19/03/2023 09:34

I had a next to me for dc 2 because the pain after vaginal delivery with cd1 made it difficult to pick the baby up from the crib.

scarecrow22 · 19/03/2023 09:34

I'm actually a bit concerned OP. If DH said or seriously implied that it would be "lazy", he sounds like prime gaslighting material - as in doing the gaslighting - and/or plain controlling.

If he is usually not like this, maybe okay. But otherwise be alert for him belittling you to get his own way and making out his faults or mistakes are actually yours.

You will be less strong during pregnancy and post birth - to say nothing of the crushing effect of the behaviour above. Please firstly sit down and think through his behaviour now, and prime some friends/family to support you.

Take care.

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