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Original poster

22 month old doesn’t sleep

35 replies

Stressedmum27 · 08/03/2023 01:18

Hi
I’ve posted here before but felt I needed a follow up post as I’m still really struggling . My little boy is 22 months old he’s never ever slept through and co sleeps with me (not my choice at all) I started co sleeping over a year ago because he wouldn’t sleep and was advised if this is what helped him and me from being sleep deprived then this is what to do . I’m now at 22 months and it’s so hard . Right now he’s waking up every 45- 1hour , he comes on me to breastfeeding (again something I wish to stop ) and then rolls off to go back to sleep but he doesn’t ? He immediately starts crying and won’t settle , he does this constantly and I’m not getting any sleep . It’s making me so so sad as I don’t know how to fix it ? I don’t know what’s wrong ?? What am I doing wrong that he won’t just sleep ?

I’ve got 3 older kids and they never were like this and I need help ! I’m so so tired and emotional about it all

he also doesn’t eat well , moans most days about absolutely nothing , won’t leave my side and if I do leave the room he’s inconsolable, he never sleeps in a pram and kicks off if he’s in it too long . I’ve never left him with anyone over night as he won’t sleep and I’m at breaking point

please someone tell me what I need to do

OP posts:
LGBirmingham · 08/03/2023 07:33

Hi op, I think I remember your other post. So sorry you're still I this boat. Sleep deprivation is really the worst. Did you try nightweaning?

Blughbablugh · 08/03/2023 07:39

No advise I'm afraid as I'm in the same boat with my 20 month old and it's really starting to affect my health!

googledidnthelp · 08/03/2023 07:43

My son is 18 months old and similar, we have just put his cot on the side of our bed like a side car bed.this means I get decent space when he is in there and I can slide in and out myself to feed him in there to try and keep him in there.

It doesn't always work and he does end up in with us when I'm super tired. However, I think he is sleeping a bit better, 2 hour stretches because he is less disturbed than being in with me and his dad.

Sorry you're still struggling, I know I didn't expect to still have such bad nights and a BF toddler

twoandcooplease · 08/03/2023 10:05

My DS is 18mo and the same. I never imagined it wouldn't get easier. Also breastfed baby (now toddler)

I have started putting the heating on for the time I'm trying to get him to sleep and it has helped. I suspected a while ago he was wanting to roll away from me but needing to be close as he was cold

Why doesn't he enjoy eating? If I put something down but not for myself at the same time then the entire meal will go. I have to sit and eat what he's eating

Is there anything you can fill him up on so he isn't so hungry? My go-to's are wee pancakes toasted then cut like a pizza if hes determined to eat himself of when he's strapped in the high chair it's spoon fed porridge with a little box of raisins to play with that distracts him between spoons

Original poster
Stressedmum27 · 08/03/2023 10:50

Thanks for all your replies . Yeah I’m still in the same boat I actually think he’s worse now as he’s up constantly . I’ve tried weaning and sleep training and he just screams . Last night he went to bed and was ok for an hr then it started the constant waking and crying and I just don’t know what to do , I’m just shattered

plus it affects him during the day like I say he hates being in a pram so walks to help him sleep or tire him out are a no go he kicks off

eating is a hit or miss , some days yeah he will demolish everything some days he point blank refuses to have anything . He won’t take any fluids either so he’s purely relying on me and breastmilk which makes it a million times harder to wean

I just have no idea how to fix all this and it’s just getting to me . Like by god I love him but he’s just a little hard going sometimes

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 08/03/2023 10:58

You have to take some radical action as both of you are completely exhausted.
Do you want to continue breastfeeding?

Original poster
Stressedmum27 · 08/03/2023 11:57

No I don’t I don’t enjoy it like I used as he just is on constantly , and he uses his other hand to grab my other boob so it’s painful

OP posts:
PutinTheFuckingBasket · 08/03/2023 12:13

Night weaning can be SO hard - my son was similar although perhaps not quite so clingy as yours. I tried several times over 3 months, and in the end I went cold turkey with breastfeeding altogether at 21 months as he wasn't accepting that he could have it in the day but not at night (I gave him warning that the milk would be gone soon a couple of weeks before stopping). I wouldn't recommend it if you can avoid it, but I couldn't see any other way of managing.

I've never done sleep training, but his sleep did get better once I wasn't feeding - took about a week of needing a banana and water in the nighttime as a soother / to manage hunger, and then he only woke once or twice a night and would go back to sleep with a cuddle. Hardest thing I've ever done, but was the right thing overall.

PutinTheFuckingBasket · 08/03/2023 12:16

And same here - it had got to the point where feeding wasn't sending him back to sleep, but he wouldn't settle without it either. Total catch22 with neither of us getting enough sleep (with co-sleeping the majority of the time)

Original poster
Stressedmum27 · 08/03/2023 15:01

PutinTheFuckingBasket · 08/03/2023 12:16

And same here - it had got to the point where feeding wasn't sending him back to sleep, but he wouldn't settle without it either. Total catch22 with neither of us getting enough sleep (with co-sleeping the majority of the time)

It’s the same with mind he’s just such a mummy’s boy , cries when I leave the room and I mean sobs until I’m back and I’ve managed to cut down feeds during the day with distractions etc but night time god no , it’s all he wants in order to kind of drift off but it’s bizarre he voluntarily comes off to lie beside me then starts crying ? Or lies for 5 mins and is crying again

I tell him about his big boy bed and how he can’t have boobs anymore but he just doesn’t listen too well . He’s not really vocal yet either so it’s hard not knowing if he understands me

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 08/03/2023 17:02

All the sobbing and crying and clinginess is massively exacerbated by exhaustion. When children are tired they cannot regulate their emotions at all.
I would wean and put him in his own room and sleep train all at the same time. You’d have to do it with 5 million positive associations and a mountain of patience and kindness. But only that triangle of things will ultimately work

Original poster
Stressedmum27 · 08/03/2023 17:42

I’m trying tonight to put him in his cot and leave him , going to do this at half 8 and his dad will go in and check on him every so often if he’s hysterical cos I know something needs to change but im dreading it

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 08/03/2023 18:19

Does he nap?

Original poster
Stressedmum27 · 08/03/2023 18:45

LapinR0se · 08/03/2023 18:19

Does he nap?

Yeah he does once a day from anywhere from an hr to two and a half just depends really on what kind of day he’s having

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 08/03/2023 18:49

Ok at 22 months I would cap the nap at 1hr max, ideally 45 mins and up by 2pm, to help him fall asleep quickly at nighttime

LapinR0se · 08/03/2023 18:52

If he had a long nap today, you will have a massive fight on your hands for bedtime in his own bed with your husband and no breastfeeding. It might be better to feed him and then try and let your husband take it from there.
If you “give in” tonight and feed him or take him into your bed after hours of crying, then all the tears will have been in vain. So only do this when you and your husband are totally ready and have the emotional strength to be consistent with your toddler.

Original poster
Stressedmum27 · 08/03/2023 20:51

I’m putting him to bed like normal as he has a routine but he will be going in his cot and I will be leaving the room . I’m hoping this is the start of him going into his own bed

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 09/03/2023 09:21

How did it go?

Original poster
Stressedmum27 · 09/03/2023 15:29

Not great screamed for ages so never got much sleep again

OP posts:
twoandcooplease · 09/03/2023 21:45

Have you tried again tonight @Stressedmum27
X

Original poster
Stressedmum27 · 10/03/2023 10:37

Hi gave it a go and same thing , I’m going to try a sleep therapist as I don’t know what else to do

OP posts:
LGBirmingham · 10/03/2023 19:01

Hi op,

I really don't know what to say but wanted offer my support. I think night three of nightweaning ds he cried for about 2.5 hours solid at one point as I held him. It was tough but it did stop the multiple wakings, pretty much after that third night. I just had to grit my teeth and remember I was there for him holding him, but just not feeding him.

The exception has been when teething or with an ear infection. He will wake inconsolable with those. Is there any chance your ds could have one of the above, mine got 2nd year molars at 22 months.

If night weaning makes no difference at all. I would try also dropping or drastically reducing his nap. What you describe it sounds like he's tired but not tired enough. Desperately trying to feed to sleep but not quite going over and getting frustrated.

Clutching at straws here but - I've read about children on here being prescribed melatonin to great effect. It seems to generally be those with some kind of neurodiversity diagnosis though. So it's perhaps not easy to get prescribed? I wonder are there any foods that naturally contain it?

Really hope it improves for you.

Notgivingup2 · 13/03/2024 05:00

Is there any update on this? I'm going through the same thing and in hell. My little boy has dairy intolerance and suspected gluten too. I've read about caisin sensitivities being linked to autism and went on a website forum that described my situation to a tee which has sent me down a rabbit hole of worry. But my little boy doesn't show the red flags for autism for his age but does have food refusal and texture issues. I'm wondering if autism was a diagnosis any of you got following these experiences and reassurances if you did not.

Notgivingup2 · 13/03/2024 05:01

Stressedmum27 · 10/03/2023 10:37

Hi gave it a go and same thing , I’m going to try a sleep therapist as I don’t know what else to do

Also did a sleep therapist work? What did they do?

Original poster
Stressedmum27 · 13/03/2024 15:27

@Notgivingup2 hi I’ve just seen this so sorry , I don’t have good news though I’m afraid . I’m still in the same boat of maybe not worse now and my son turns 3 in two months . He’s never slept through night and he’s still in bed with me . Also still breastfeeding to sleep , not something I want but I need the sleep . Spoke to health visitors and sleep trainers who all told me he would grow out of it or to try sleep training which I have and he just sobs for hours . I can’t even leave him to go anywhere as he gets so upset and screams till I come back so it’s hard to not have a break . I’m sorry this probably isn’t the answer you were looking for I really am . Think I’ve just accepted that I won’t be sleeping any time soon

OP posts:
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