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Original poster

At breaking point- split nights.

29 replies

55christmasmagic · 01/01/2023 00:57

My 15 month old has split nights probably 4/5 times a week. It's more often than not I'm up for 4 hours in the middle of the night. I work evenings due to childcare and DP daytime and therefore dp needs sleep at night, and I can't have an early night as I'm at work. It's breaking us. We have became miserable people. I called a doctor crying begging for help and he told me 'babies don't sleep, did you not know that before having one?'

He dropped his second nap at 10 months. No chance of reintroducing it.

We have tried
Waking him at the same time every day
Moving bedtime back
Moving bedtime forward
Eating high protein dinner
Cutting nap at 1.5 hours

Moving nap later
Cutting out dairy
Cutting out rice.
Cutting out tv
Porridge at bedtime
Banana at bedtime
Change of bedtime routine

CIO has been contemplated but he once screamed and cried and was awake for 10 hours when I refused to feed to sleep.

Please be kind . We are at breaking point.

OP posts:
Original poster
55christmasmagic · 01/01/2023 01:01

Also done the obvious like make sure he's not too hot too cold. He's so miserable and full on all the time- I can't cope anymore

OP posts:
VentBox · 01/01/2023 01:04

Sending soothing thoughts to help you both with co-regulation.

Original poster
55christmasmagic · 01/01/2023 01:08

@VentBox thank you. It's so unbelievably hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
55christmasmagic · 01/01/2023 01:14

I just spent 50 minutes rocking him to sleep and the second I put him on the bed he sat up

OP posts:
toogoodforthisworld · 01/01/2023 01:39

I feel you. No one could ever imagine they could feel so tired right? It's debilitating.

Are you sure he is not in pain?
No ear or throat issues?
Have you tried some calpol? I only used it when completely necessary but this may show you that if your child is pain free they will sleep?
Is he hungry? Have you tried offering him a banana or something similar in the night?

I co-slept with my kids til they were both 3. If I didn't - they would always wake up in the night.
Is there anyone who could watch him for a few hours in the morning to allow you more sleep?
Call your GP again in a week or so if you are at your wits end because nothing has changed and ask for a referral ? Make a note of the times he wakes up and for how long he's awake. It may be linked to certain organs - 3-5am wake time maybe linked to lungs for example.
You can do this. Lie with him on a bed. And pat him. Keep him next to you. Xxx

mackthepony · 01/01/2023 01:47

Breast or bottle? Does he have a dummy?

At 14 months we let DD cry it out. I couldn't take it anymore. After three nights she was sleeping through

Floydthebarber · 01/01/2023 02:20

I think you need to give some detail about his bedtime, when he wakes in the night, for the day etc.

I have been there with a dc who doesn't sleep. The tiredness is unreal,I was hallucinating sometimes. You have my sympathies op.

MrsJaneyLloydFoxe · 01/01/2023 05:13

You have my full sympathy, it is so hard. I’m sorry life is like this currently for you. Please know that it will get better but I know so well that it’s hell for you right now.

Firstly, that doctor sounds very unhelpful. Have you spoken with your HV?

We had similar with our second child and we had to sleep train. Controlled crying worked in two days (not CIO method as I wasn’t keen). HV recommended it to me and also the Millpond Sleep Clinic book ‘Teach your child to sleep’

LittleBlueBrioTrain · 01/01/2023 05:23

Cosleeping saved our sanity. He sleeps through rather than being awake for 4 hours a night now.

hadenoughforever · 01/01/2023 05:41

My kids are grown up now but I remember the hell of sleepless nights especially with ds who has multiple and complex disabilities. I also had a dd w such bad eczema that she was permanently wet wrapped. In short, I can remember the lack of sleep all too well. I know parenting has changed so I accept that my viewpoint might be out of date, but I had to resort to controlled crying method. It was tough but it worked. Again, I might be suggesting out of date advice but hugs to you OP. I was single parent and was on verge on breakdown w it.
The GP response was unhelpful, perhaps ask HV? 🌷🌷🌷

MumBusy · 01/01/2023 05:44

Are there any sleep schools around you? I took dd at Sam’s age and it was a lifesaver.

mrssunshinexxx · 01/01/2023 06:46

Can you try capping his nap to an hour ? Would you consider co sleeping / do you think that would even help? Sorry it's really rough right now, it doesn't help but it won't last forever x

Original poster
55christmasmagic · 01/01/2023 08:44

Thanks for the replies. An average day is

Wake - 6am
Breakfast porridge 7am
Nap 11am-12:30
Lunch (toast veg sticks fruit) 1
Dinner (normal family meal) 5
Bath 5:30
6 wind down (no noisy toys, dim lights)
6:30 books
6:45 try to put him to sleep
7:15 sleep.

Then 2/3 nights a week he will wake every hour or so until 6am and feed back to sleep (these are good nights)
And then 4/5 nights a week anywhere between 11pm and 3am he will wake for about 3 hours before sleeping again. Still up at 6 or 7 latest.

We co sleep. He breastfeeds at night but has a bottle of milk in the day.

OP posts:
LapinR0se · 01/01/2023 08:53

He is overtired. The nap is short and early so there is massive overtiredness building day.
I would also decide if you really want to breastfeed any more or not. If it’s being used as a sleep association, it’s not working and I would stop cold turkey. However if you are enjoying it and want to continue then of course do.

Routine tweaks

  • move main nap to 12 earliest and leave him sleep until 2.30 (wake by 2.30). Aim for a 12.30 - 2.30 nap.
  • lunch is far too small. Include protein and make it a substantial meal before the lunchtime nap. Eg fish pie, spag bol, chicken risotto
  • he needs 500ml cows milk at this age over the course of the day. I would do a sippy cup with breakfast and a large bottle at bedtime
  • bedtime 6.30pm
carbibarbie · 01/01/2023 08:58

Hi OP, I have been there, it's hell and relentless. A book by Lucy Wolfe saved me! It's the best book and so so so child centred as in, no cry out, no leaving them on their own to go to sleep. Try it! I cannot recommend it enough. Also, sleep breeds sleep as they say, we have found this. So I made sure the 'awake windows' weren't ever longer than necessary, this helped us SO MUCH weirdly the more he slept, the better he slept, so bizarre! ! I think the awake window is something like 2 hours or maybe 3 hours? If I were you I would bring first nap forward to just two hours after he wakes, allow him 45 mins then re introduce afternoon nap at 2pm. It's so hard xxxx

carbibarbie · 01/01/2023 09:01

So I'd do:
6am awake
8-9.30 nap
12.30-2.30 nap
6.30 asleep

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 01/01/2023 09:12

I've just seen you cosleep? Could that be the problem? My dd could never sleep with me next to her when you was little, we disturbed each other and she was much more likely to wake up.

Once she was in her own cot in her own room her sleep dramatically improved and so did mine!

Cosleeping doesn't work for everyone.

Floydthebarber · 01/01/2023 10:28

Definitely try pushing the nap back. 'Overtired' was something I didn't understand until I experienced it! They get to a point where sleep is impossible and it just continues a cycle of hell. Does he nap in the pushchair? A couple of long walks to give him a good few hours of sleep in a day might be worth a go.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 01/01/2023 11:29

I'd aim to push the nap back - it seems too long between nap and bed to me.

Ours looks like this

8.00 - breakfast
12.00 - lunch
12.30 - 2.30 nap (reducing this atm so sometimes goes to bed slightly later)
4.00 - tea
6.15 - supper
7.00 - bed

edin16 · 01/01/2023 11:50

Sounds like overtiredness to me. That sleep routine would even be too little for my 2.5 year old. As others have said 'sleep breeds sleep'. You say you're waking at 6, why don't you try leaving them till he wakes naturally, then that will push the nap back later meaning the second wake window isn't too long. Also if you're cosleeping what happens if you just 'ignore' him when he wakes? Leave your boobs out and you just crack on with sleeping?

DownInTheDumpster · 01/01/2023 11:54

Sounds so hard- can you afford a sleep consultant? It sounds like he is chronically overtired. I’d bring the first nap forward if you can or cut it shorter to encourage an afternoon nap. My DC napped for 2 hours every afternoon until 3 (not amazing sleep until that point and not perfect kids just an example of the amount of day sleep needed even as they get older!).

LittleBearPad · 01/01/2023 11:56

It’s very likely he’s overtired. There’s a long gap between nap and bedtime. I’d do whatever you can to get him to nap in the afternoon until 2/3 ish.

Mistonthemountains · 01/01/2023 19:12

Could you afford a sleep consultant? We have split nights but he doesn't cry - just chats for 3 hours. It's still pretty grim but not as bad as you're situation. It's so tough. It will get better.

Kimya · 01/01/2023 19:17

Don't waste your money on a sleep consultant. They will just charge extortionate amounts to tell you what you can find out online. I had the misfortune of not knowing this and working with a dreadful one who basically was so vile to me she ended up causing me to have a PND relapse.

LapinR0se · 01/01/2023 20:17

That’s horrendous @Kimya uou should ask for a refund